Question: My girlfriend of 2yrs decided 5 weeks ago that she wanted “a break” with no contact. I was rather surprised and crushed that she broke up with me. We had a great relationship even with it’s ups and downs. A couple of weeks before the breakup she had said she felt she was losing the attraction and after talking to her, she agreed it was no reason to breakup. We both promised to work on the relationship but she surprised me with wanting “a break” with no contact. I told her I loved her and wanted her to be happy. Then gave her what she wanted and did not contact her.
Two nights ago she texted me at 9.03 p.m.: “How are you? I hope you’re okay.” I’ve thought and thought about what this means and still not sure what to make of the unexpected text from her. At this point, I honestly don’t know what to do. I feel somewhat angry at her for breaking up with me but also somewhat happy that she contacted me. I don’t know if that makes sense at all. I haven’t replied to her yet, nor am I sure I should. I want her back but don’t want to jump in too needy. Any help on how to respond is much appreciated.
The Love Doctor’s Answer: Yes, angry and happy at the same time does make some sense… ):.
It can be confusing for someone to say one thing and do the exact opposite. Sometimes it’s just not worthwhile trying to figure out why people do the things they do. Anything you read into it may be just that — your thoughts.
Instead of trying to “figure out her actions” use that energy to figure out yours (this is the only thing at this point that you have control over). If you want her back, I suggest that you reply her text but only answer her question. Something like, “I’m doing as best as I can. I hope you’re okay too”.
“I’m doing as best as I can” is kind of neutral. It does not say you’re “falling apart without her” nor does it say you’re “better off without her”. If the only reason she’s contacting you is to stroke her ego — make her feel good that you’re missing her — she’s not going to get her ego stroked with a neutral response. If the on the other hand, she’s contacting you because she misses you and wants you back, it’ll tell her she still has a chance to try to get you back.
Do not say anymore to give her the impression she can come in and out of your life as she wishes. She said “a break with no contact” let her trip over her own choices. If she contacts you again, stick to answering her questions ONLY just to keep the lines of communication open. You need this if you want her back eventually. But for now stick to answering only her questions until she comes clean and tells you what she’s really up to. Don’t fall into the trap of stroking her ego (or yours for that matter). You both lose!