In pt. 1 of the Chemistry of Attraction, I introduced you to Jen and Tom’s opposites attract love match. Now let’s look at Karen and Greg’s likes attract love match.
Love Match # 2 – Karen and Greg
Karen and Greg are both quick-witted, confident, romantic, adventurers, fun-loving, ambitious, cut-throat lawyers who love their lives and careers. They both are highly social and love meeting new people, seeing new places, and whatever is unpredictable.
Mentally, they both love to pursue even the most radical idea to its logical conclusion. They are also easily adaptable in terms of habits and mindsets. Emotionally, they are both expressive and believe that when a problem comes up each side should be heard and appreciated and both should work together until the problem is resolved.
These two work great as a team. They both believe in equality and have a relationship with no defined man/woman roles. Each came to the relationship feeling that they did not need the other to “complete” them but that they needed a companion through life. They appreciate the other’s need for individuality, have learned and are happy away from each other just as they are together. And because they are not fused at the hip, they tend to give each other plenty of space to do “their own thing”.
The upside of “likes-attract” love match
Dating someone who has the characteristics you already posses has the advantage of instant compatibility and true communication because both parties have a real understanding of the other’s side point of view. The idea of “ownership” of a partner is not an issue because each sees the other as “their own person,” and not a missing half of the other.
The downside of “likes-attract” love match
Two very like individuals can create some rather stormy moments if they have strong different opinions about something. Also familiarity can breed contempt, or at least predictability and irritating boredom which can at times be difficult to ignore. And if there is no limit to their “independent lives”, some couples find themselves easily drifting further and further part.
Can it work?
There is a huge body of research that says “likes attract” type relationships have more stability and longevity. But stability and longevity isn’t always happy and fulfilled.
Even two people who have “instant compatibility” still have to face the fact that relationships require effort to keep them strong and positive, progressive and healthy, exciting and passionate.
In part 3 of the Chemistry Of Attraction: Will It Last Or Fade series, I’ll give some tips on how that can be done!
***Do you have a burning question you’d like to ask an experienced and insightful Dating & Relationships Coach? Here’s your chance. Go to ” Ask a Question” page above and ask away.
Related Articles:
4 Soul Mate Myths: Soul Connections and Man-Woman Love Limiting Beliefs
Why You Should Not Commit To Someone In The First 3-6 Months Of A Relationship
10 Signs You Are Ready To Date Him/Her Exclusively
How Do You Know Whether The Person You Are Dating Is Where S/he Says S/he’s Spiritually?
Sexual Compatibility, Wedding Night Sex Crisis — Just How Sexually Compatible Are You?
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Following your response in pt.1. Love plays by scientific rules.
We are different and complimentary in our natures for a reason. Men’s genes are wired to look for women that are feminine, can bear his children, is more submissive and lets him be The Boss. In the same way women’s genes are wired to look for a man that is strong, masculine looking, dominant, a good provider and protector. Even if we say we are not looking for these things, biologically we’re still driven towards them.
I understand what you’re saying and there is a lot of truth in it. But just so we’re clear here. Masculine/feminine does not equal man/woman socio-culturally relative roles or dominant/submissive roles, or male/female biological construct. I think this is one of the biggest misconceptions about masculinity and femininity. I try to explain how the masculine and feminine energies operate in my article: The Love Game – Masculine Women Feminine Men
Talking about man/woman socio-cultural roles, in this day and time, you can find a love match between a woman who looks, talks, feels and acts feminine but is the provider to her man who looks, talks, feels and acts masculine but stays/works at home and takes care of the home stuff — and both feel happy and fulfilled.
Also a woman who is high on masculine energy i.e. strong, tough, dominant and aggressive in the business world can still be very nurturing, receptive, sensitive and very sensual (projecting feminine energy) and be a loving partner to her man. So can a man.
In other words it’s not about projecting masculine energy or feminine energy all the time 24/7/12/365. It’s all about individual “balance”; knowing which energy to apply, when, where and how. There lies TRUE power and unstoppable sexual magnetism!
I love this post as I do all your posts.
I’m in a relationship that is a Karen and Greg love match. Our personalities and communication styles are pretty similar. When we argue over something, we almost always come to a conclusion that works for both of us. Our pasts are similar too, so it helps us relate well in our current relationship.
I do agree that we still have to work at making it work.
Keep them coming.
If you understood men, you’d understand that men want a woman that makes him feel like the man. Feminists are teaching women to be “strong and independent” but men want a woman that needs us and depends on us. Feminine women make men feel much more manly and there is nothing he won’t do for her. Masculine men bring out the woman in her and there is nothing she won’t do for him. This is at the heart of attraction.
“…makes him feel like the man… brings out the woman in her”
This is NOT what’s at the heart of attraction. This is what is at the heart of the problem with dating in “modern society”. We expect someone else to make us FEEL like a man or FEEL like a woman. If the person FAILS to makes us feel like a man or feel like a woman, we conclude that there is something “wrong” with that person. We never stop to think, “What if what’s wrong is me?” It’s too much pressure on someone else to make us feel what we should already BE on our own. No wonder dating is a mess and the divorce rate is too high.
I do not consider myself a champion of feminism, I didn’t grow up where Western world type “feminism” was “the movement” and never bought into “I want be a man” or “men are the enemy” mentality either, but I still don’t see anything wrong with a woman being strong and independent but also gentle, sensitive and instinctively nurturing or a man being gentle, sensitive and instinctively nurturing but also strong and independent? I’d think that’s a good thing for all concerned. Please see my article: Why Men Fantasize About Angelina Jolie And What You Can Learn From Her
At the end of the day though, everyone has their preferences, and one can’t fault someone for being attracted to what they’re attracted to.
Buscaglia…
I appreciate you reading my posts and hope that in some way you’re being rewarded with some useful information…
“It’s all about “balance!”
I couldn’t agree more. The reasonable thing is to take a reasonable amount of time understanding what our natural balance of masculine and feminine are and then make a realistic assessment of what kind of preferred other balance would be the right balance as a couple. Too much of either feminine or masculine energy could lead away from one’s true balance and the most appropriate partner and into a relationship that really isn’t suitable.
Finding the right love match is not as easy as it sounds, believe me.
“never bought into “I want be a man” or “men are the enemy” mentality”
I am your new BIGGEST FAN! I am impressed. I just bought your eBook.
Modwana…
I believe you. If it were easy I would be doing something else. You summarized it so well
Mr. Cocky…
I knew there was a gentle, sensitive and instinctively nurturing man (feminine energy) somewhere in there… but please don’t like me too much, I don’t want to have to be “nice” to you all the time…
Who said I like you??? I said BIGGEST FAN! lol
You mean “like” and “FAN” are not the same thing? Silly me. I should have taken English Major. I might have been somebody important or rich… it’s too late now…
I hope you find the eBook useful. Thanks.
Thank you for explaining the masculine and feminine balance in one individual. I never really understood it well. What you describe definitely sounds like people not letting nature take its course. The most important thing I am taking away from this post is that love is a personal thing that cannot be applied as a general rule or standard for all people. Relationships are work.
This is my first time on your blog and I wholeheartedly agree with this post. I do believe that every relationship needs a dominant person and a submissive person, but it’s not always the same person all the time. For certain things or times, one will necessarily be the dominant one, while in other times, the other will need to take the lead. Great post.
I’m glad you agree. It’s not however possible for one person to be dominant sometimes and submissive other times if the person has not taken time to develop both aspects/energies of him/herself. That’s why most dominant-all-the time people feel that they NEED (and must find) someone who is submissive-all-the time — and vice versa. That kind of match can work great until a dominant-all-the-time person starts to wonder what it’d feel like to be submissive sometimes. Since the submissive-all-the-time partner can’t meet that need, the dominating-all-the-time partner goes out of the relationship to look for another dominating person so he/she can experience the submissive side of him/herself. Same may happen for the submissive-all-the-time person.
If you’ve ever wondered why a dominant man leaves a perfectly submissive woman at home for an experience with a dominating escort – for want of a politer word – this may explain it. Same reason why a wife who seems so submissive to her husband will have a secret affair with a man she is in position to have full power and control over.
But if you have both masculine and feminine energies fully developed in you already, and if you know which to express, what amount, when and how, you don’t have to worry about if you can be dominant sometimes and submissive other times.
This should be titled “Why Tiger Wood Cheated With 13 Mistresses.”
I’m into competitive sports and I can say from personal experience that it’s a true expression of masculine energy – aggressiveness, strength, a tough veneer. After a game all I want is to be emptied by sex. Submissive women don’t know how to exhaust a man, instead they want to make love and cuddle. You only have to look at the women to know why he left his beautiful woman at home for these bottom of the barel trash.
Adultery is an age old phenomena. 60% of all married men in the Western world have,or will have some sort of an affair. Welcome to life!
The Love Doctor says: “…I still don’t see anything wrong with a woman being strong and independent…”
Strong and Independent Woman = bombastic, LOUD, annoying and dominating wife. Why would a man want to be involved with a woman who talks like a man, dresses like a man and acts like a man?
To be fair you did say she can be “feminine” at the same time
What’s so wrong with a little annoying?
I know exactly what you mean, I just don’t agree with the generalization. I don’t think it has anything to do with being “strong and independent”. There are those “ready-to-blow-up-any-second” type both ends of the spectrum. One end is out there with it and the other end tries to hide it in “niceness”, but the sting is the same. And there are men like that too.