Losing Hope of Getting Your Ex Back?

That things don’t always go the way we want or expect is one of the hardest things to deal with when trying to get back one’s ex.

Many of us get all stressed, anxious, nervous and all over the place because we can not predict what’ll happen next. We start imagining worst case scenarios in an attempt to prepare ourselves for the worst. Others create situations where they get into a fight with their ex (spy on their ex, say or write nasty things about the person), and completely ruin any possibility of ever getting back together.

If you find yourself acting out, you’ve crossed the line from trying to get your ex back to driving your ex further away.

What causes people to shoot themselves in the foot like this is not what the ex is doing, but their inability to handle their anxiety in the face of unpredictability and uncertainty. In many instances, you’ll find that your goal has shifted from trying to get your ex back to fighting the anxiety and toxic stress caused by the uncertainty of the situation– and you are paying “an expert’ hard-earned dollars to play psychic (or ex-basher) instead of help you get your ex back.

What you need to do first and foremost is accept that wherever human beings are involved, it is impossible to be 100% certain about what they’ll say or do at any given moment.  If you were dealing with a machine, you’d program it so that you know exactly what’s going to say or do – and why. But you are dealing with a human being — complex, versatile, ever changing and highly unpredictable by nature.

One moment they say one thing, the next they say something else. One day they feel this way and the next day they feel completely the opposite.

Simply put, be prepared for the fact that you cannot know everything and you cannot control everything at any one particular point in the process. Indeed, to expect the opposite would be unwise, and may detract you from achieving your goal of attracting your ex back.

Having control of the direction things are going in this process is nothing more than:

  • being aware of how your mind works;
  • framing situations accurately;
  • having a strategy for how you are going to attract your ex back;
  • a high degree of imagination and flexibility and;
  • an overriding willingness to embrace mistakes and surprises along the way.
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I’m following your ebook and last night I told my ex I was going to a cooking class and I said casually that it’d be nice if she wanted to come. She didn’t seem interested but said I should text nearer the day of my class. She said goodbye very fast after just a couple of minutes on the phone. Should I be concerned? It has me worried now because of how neutral she sounded, although we haven’t spoken much since I initiated contact.

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I am just about to lose all hope of getting back my ex. We had a really good relationship, then the last 2 months before the breakup he said he’d lost his feelings for me. I asked if he wanted to breakup but he said no. A week later we broke up he said he could not pretend anymore. I went NC for 60 days then contacted him and asked if he wanted to try the relationship again. He did not respond but continues to contact me asking how i am doing. I don’t want him contacting me if he does not want to get back together. It hurts too much.

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I want to thank you for a very thoughtful and timely post about this topic. I’m definitely driving my ex further away. My question is, what do you do after you sent a text you know you shouldn’t have.

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She does not want to date with anybody now, but she hasn’t really said whether or not she wants to be with me in the future. I can’t stand the uncertainty.

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I’m going through this right this moment. Worrying if my ex will come back or not. I know I need to be patient and act calm but I keep thinking up the worst case scenarios. I keep thinking that may be she’s just leading me on but really doesn’t want to be back with me or may be she feels sorry for me and is just being polite by replying to my texts or may be she’s bored and talks to me because right now there is no one else. Ugh! Not knowing is driving me crazy.

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Looking back on my failed relationship, I have a lot of built up resentment for my ex. Will this ultimately endanger my chances of getting her back?

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