If You Love Someone Should You Tell Them?

if-you-love-someone-tell-themIf you love someone should you tell him or her?

Some of you will say “Yes. absolutely”. But most of you will probably say, “No! It’ll scare them way.”

That’s because we are told over and over again that if you tell someone how you feel, it’ll drive them away. Most of us are holding our feelings close to the chest, literally. But guess what?

The very people holding tightly on to their feelings are the same people who’re getting rejected and dumped over and over. And the calculating types playing “bargain” with their feelings are the same people who most feel “unloved” by the people they want to love them.

Ever wonder why?

Love — true love, that is — is meant to be given away freely. Unlike many of our material cravings and possessions that reward us by accumulating and hoarding more of it, love is a “poor” man’s luxury. Freely received and freely given. Unfortunately our materialistic conditioned minds don’t seem to get this simple fact. So we’re always trying to get more “love” by trying to accumulate and hoard it, but only end up with nothing.

What can be more beautiful than telling someone you love them? It’s not only a rewarding experience for the receiver, but also for the giver.

So why don’t more people do it?

1. Selfishness/Ego

Everyone is looking after No.1 (Self) these days, and relationships have become about “what can I get for myself?” as opposed to “how can I make someone else feel loved?”

The what’s-in-it-to-for-me thinking makes telling someone how you truly feel very scary. They might not feel the same way and how embarrassing that will be. The ego can’t take that.

And what if he/she doesn’t deserve it? Or you tell someone you love him/her, and you don’t get “I love you, too” back? Don’t you at least deserve something back (for telling them how you feel)?

Fear of getting our ego hurt has supposedly intelligent men act like spoilt children when someone they have a thing for rejects them or acts “not interested”. They get irrational by the second and aggressive/pushy by the minute. Unable to deal with the fact that someone won’t give them what they want, most push to bring the situation they do not like or are uncomfortable with to a faster conclusion.

Their attitude is “It’s going to happen anyway, so I might as well be done with it”. The irony is, sometimes all the other person was hoping for was a little bit more honesty, openness and showing of TRUE feelings, not more dishonesty and coldness.

2. Inner emptiness

Too many “empty” people looking to be filled by someone else’s love. You know what I mean , “You complete me”, “I’m nothing without you” , “You’re the best thing in my life” etc.

Inner emptiness in the realm of love is felt as “neediness.” People without the “needy energy” have a “fullness” about them because they have enough love for themselves and a lot more “overflow” that they are willing and want to share freely with someone else. When someone overflowing with love “loves” another person, that person experiences a feeling of “overflowing” with love and that’s because they are.

Neediness on the other hand is inner emptiness that’s looking for someone else to fill it up. When a needy person tries to “love” or expresses “love”, it feels to the other person like something is being taken away from them instead. And that’s exactly what neediness does. It takes from others to try to fill it’s own inner emptiness.

Naturally and often instinctively, the person being “loved” by a needy person will pull away (or run for dear life). Sometimes they may not even know why, they just know they need to “get away” or be suffocated to death (needy person sucking the love-energy out of them).

The needy person unaware of their vampirish nature thinks the other person pulled away because they “showed” love. When in truth the other person had to leave or be sucked to death trying to fill an emptiness that is un-fill-able by someone else.

Bottom line, if you love someone, let them know. You never know it could be your only chance to tell them how much they mean to you. There’s no point in having all those conversations in your head that you wish you could speak out — but won’t — and then when the person is leaving you, you pour your heart out in a desperate attempt to make them change their mind.

Most people can handle only so much emotion at a time. Overwhelming them with desperate pleas of love, caring, devotion, commitment, happiness, fun etc (promise of better things) will only make someone want to get away as fast as they can, and as far away as possible. Why? Too much needy energy all at once. Scary!

If you love someone tell them they’re loved. It’s one of the best feelings in the world. But as explained above, telling them does not mean that they’ll return your love. Do this for YOU. Do this so your love-energy blocked by dishonesty, pretence and “hoarding” tendecies can flow more freely.

This is the thing about love, the more of it you give away freely, the more you will have– and the more will be returned to you!

Practice. Practice. Practice giving away love — FREELY.  And you’ll have more than you can possible hold in your little heart.

Republished by Blog Post Promoter

More from Love Doctor, Yangki Akiteng

Should You Try To Get Back Your Ex Or Walk Away?

Almost everyone who has been in love knows that truly loving someone...
Read More


    • You’re totally hitting on me…shame on you! … 🙂

      I’d have given you all of my heart, but someone’s taken it… smh.

      View Comment
  • Yangki, I started reading your blog last year when I was trying to get back my ex. Unfortunately, I had wasted 4 months in no contact and when I tried to reach out and make an emotional connection, she was already deeply emotionally connected to the other guy. I am a 52 year old man and don’t read many articles on relationship but with your blog, I made an instant emotional connection. You made a positive impact on me and I can only hope that with your advice my current relationship will be better and more emotionally substantive. You my friend are a true inspiration. Thank you.

    View Comment
    • Wow! Thanks Pal. You just put pressure on me to live up to your expectations… I’ll try not to disappoint… 🙂

      I hope your current relationship is and will be everything you hope it to be….

      View Comment
  • I came to this website looking for help with my situation. My ex and I started talking again after 3 months of no contact. I texted him a couple of times and no reply, so I told him I just wanted us to be friends and he responded. Although he is incredibly nice to me, initiates contact and we have a good time, I’m worried that he only sees me as a friend. Every time he tells me about a woman he went out with, my heart breaks all over again. Should I tell him I still have feelings for him?

    View Comment
    • He definitely sees you as friend and that’s why he’s comfortable talking to you about the other women he goes out with.

      You can play safe and continue with the way things are. The risk with this is that one day he’s going to meet someone he’s really into, and she may say she does not want him talking to you.

      Or you can be honest with him, and tell him you still have feelings for him.

      1) He may still have feelings for you too, and a new romance will blossom.

      2) He may tell you friendship is all he can offer you and let you decide what you want to do… stay in contact or severe all contact.

      3) He may feel tricked and manipulated and want nothing to do with you.

      Whatever the choice, it comes with a risk. This is why I strongly advice against offering “friendship” when you want more than friendship. By saying you just wanted to be friends, you set your own trap.

      View Comment
  • I was always straightforward with guys that showed interest, but those relationships ended with no proposal. When I met my ex, I did all the things people say to do not to be “too available”. I played it cool. Never said I love you first and always waited hours/days before returning calls/texts. He chased after me for 6 months and proposed. The night before the wedding he told me he didn’t think he felt for me the way he should, and broke it off.

    Believe it or not, I was relieved because I didn’t really love him either. I’m going to back to being straightforward with guys because even if I didn’t get proposed to, at least those relationships were more fulfilling than with my ex.

    View Comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *