Wednesday July 30th 2014

How To Talk Dirty and Seductively Naughty

Some of you who read my article: How A Short Below-Average Looking 40 yo. Man Fails To Attract Beautiful Women wrote to me complaining that the article didn’t go far enough on how to artfully mix being sexual, natural and playful in away that amplifies sexual chemistry and creates sexual attraction. I heard you and will attempt to go further in this post.

I’m not a “TV watcher” and Criminal Minds is probably the only show I watch faithfully. One of the many reasons I watch the show is the vibe between Derek Morgan (Shemar Moore) and Penelope Garcia (Kirsten Vangsness). Over the years, I’ve found that “special something” between those two to be a great reference for explaining playful banter between a man and woman and the use of sexual innuendo in a way that creates a connection that goes deeper than “I’m horny, give me some.”

Without further ado, I’ll delve right into the middle of the dirty and sexy pot of playful banter and sexual innuendo.

 [Answering his cellphone]
Derek: Yeah, Morgan.
Garcia: Isn’t this spooky?
Derek: Isn’t what spooky?
Garcia: That right now you were thinking about me, and out of the blue your phone rings? And it’s me. Huh? How’s that for a spiritual connection?
Derek: Umm… Do I know you?
Garcia: Why do you hurt me?
[Morgan laughs]

[Morgan has just telephoned Garcia from Houston, Texas]
Garcia: Are you lonely in the Lone Star State? And are you wearing chaps?
Derek: [laughing] Only in your dreams, Garcia.
Garcia: [laughing] Oh, not necessarily. I have Photoshop.

[Morgan and Garcia are speaking to each other on the telephone. Morgan has placed her on speaker phone so that the other investigators in the room can hear Garcia's information]
Garcia: Hiya, baby.
Derek: Hey baby girl. We need to talk.
Garcia: PG or NC17?
Derek: You’re on speaker phone.
Garcia: I charge extra for groups.

[Morgan and Garcia are speaking to each other on the telephone]
Derek: Garcia, baby girl, please tell me something I want to hear.
Garcia: You are a statuesque god of sculpted chocolate thunder.
Derek: How about something I don’t already know?
Garcia: …I have a sweet tooth.

[Morgan and Garcia are speaking to each other on the telephone]
Derek: Yeah, talk to me baby girl.
Garcia: I’m not interrupting boy time a Crazy Horse 2 am I?
Derek: You know that’s not my thing. I’m more for in room entertainment.
Garcia: Well, I can’t help you there. But I do give good phone.

[Morgan is Driving the Ambulance with the Bomb Away from the Hospital].
Garcia: Morgan
Morgan: Yeah baby?
Garcia: You sound stressed.
Morgan: Do I?… There’s something I really want you to know, Garcia.
Garcia: Save it, just get out!
Morgan: No, no, no, I’m not quite there yet…
Garcia: Morgan…
Morgan: Just listen to me…
Garcia: Morgan, please…
Morgan: You know what you are, Garcia?
Garcia: (bomb in ambulance explodes) Morgan! (pause) Derek?
Morgan: Garcia? I’ll tell you what you are to me. You’re my God-given solace. Woman you promise me one thing – whatever happens, don’t you ever stop talking to me.
Garcia: I can’t right now ’cause I’m mad at you.

Morgan: I’m not going anywhere.
Garcia: What?
Morgan: No, that couch right there is going to be my best friend until we catch this guy.
Garcia: Fine, just as long as you’re not trying to take advantage of me or anything.
Morgan: Hey, Silly Girl.
Garcia: Yeah?
Morgan: I love you, you know that, right?
Garcia: I love you, too.

Garcia: Je suis toujours ici pour toi, mon cher.
Morgan: Drives me crazy when you talk that “voulez coucher” stuff to me. [teasing] Stop it.

Morgan and Garcia dynamic sharply contrasts with something relatively one-dimensional (show-off) like the Pick-Up Artist’s Seduction Game or Nice Guy’s sappy (tediously boring) monologues.

What stands out in this dynamic?

1. Confidence, confidence and some more…  Sexual confidence feeds on sexual confidence. The more sexually confident you are with the opposite sex, the more sexually confident they feel around you.

2. Subtlety. It’s truly a case of less is more. No need to name sexual organs or go explicitly sexual. Cross over to the sleazy and creepy and you ruin the dynamic.

3. Reciprocity. It’s give as good as you get all the way. The quick and sharp openness, intrinsic playfulness and mutual respect and enjoyment creates some real moments for both people involved.

4. Generousity of spirit. Both people are just being generally charming, with no specific goal to accomplish (i.e. sex, hmmm?).

Now go out there and make someone’s dreams come true!

Related Articles:

Six Characteristics Of Naturally Seductive Men and Women
The Art Of Seduction Needs That “Sexual” Edge The Way Food Needs Salt
What Women Wish Men Knew About Seducing Women
Did You Know That You Can Make A Man Desire You So Much That He Craves You?

Readers' Questions and The Love Doctor's Answers...

33 Responses to “How To Talk Dirty and Seductively Naughty”

  1. Sam says:

    I’m an avid fan of Criminal Minds. The chemistry between those two is exceptional.

  2. Michael says:

    This is all interesting information but the way to a woman’s heart is with a song.

  3. There are many ways to a woman’ s heart and you’re VERY right, a song is one of them. The “song” however, depends on the woman and if you’re a Michael Jackson, a Michael Bolton or a Michael Bublé… but then again, that’s why we pay other people to sing, right!?

  4. alialob says:

    I’ve been working on my game, increasing my verbal banter vocabulary and learning how to apply it in different situations. I still struggle with the difference between playful tête-à-tête and a sexual come -on?

  5. In reality the difference is often in perception. What is a playful tête-à-tête can be seen as a sexual come -on by one person and harmless flirting by the next. It’s the end goal that often separates the two. It’s very hard to hide what it is you REALLY ARE AFTER — especially with women.

  6. alialob says:

    I don’t want it to come across as a sexual come-on, at least not right away. How do I keep it strictly playful banter in the intitial stages?

  7. Since you’re new at this, try to avoid the sexual innuendo until you have established some kind of attraction/rapport. That is, until the other person is responding — if not as good as you give, at least enjoying the attention. Then gradually and subtly introduce sexual innuendo and/or teasing. This is where sexual confidence plays a huge part (note: sexual confidence is more than just about sex. If you’re not sexually confident, you’ll either come across as “inexperienced”, stressed out because you’re thinking of the next thing to say and/or will hurry through the banter because you’re scared of messing up – and consequently be rejected or laughed at.

    Whether we admit it or not, people who struggle with their “sexual selves” struggle with connecting with the opposite sex. I’ve worked with many men in their 20s – 50s… as their sexual confidence increases their “sexual-ness” transfers to their verbal interactions as well. They’re not just trying to learn the “right” technique or words but just BE-ING their natural sexual selves. Women (and men) intuitively sense this natural sexual “ease-ness” (“I got this!” attitude), are sub-consciously drawn to and respond to it in kind. This in turn increases the man’s sexual confidence. It’s one of those “… to those who have much, more will be given” life’s realities.

  8. alialob says:

    Thanks a lot! :)

  9. Anytime… anytime… ;)

  10. Thunderbird says:

    I’m naturally confident and classy like Morgan but hold back because of fear of some woman calling it sexual harassment. I don’t know if you’re aware that in some states in the US engaging in playful banter or sexual flirting is illegal, but sometimes I just can’t help myself, must weed out prudes and controlling women.

  11. Thunderbird says: “I’m naturally confident and classy like Morgan…”

    O! yah… you got it like that… mmm?! :)

    Yes, I’ve heard that in some places in the US that sort of thing is illegal. I guess they have a good explanation for it…

  12. AppoBhava says:

    I love how they can be sexually playful and still be really good friends. I wish I had a male friend like that :(

  13. TheIncredible says:

    First off, this is a wonderful and very helpful blog. I can use playful banter very well with other people but when it comes to girls I’m attracted to, I suck. Do you have some examples of how to use C&F to push her away and pull her back in? Any words to use from meeting a girl in a bar to getting her in bed? I can pretty much get the convo started but how to escalate sexual tension is where I really suck.

  14. If you mean the pick up artist’s scientific flow chart type of thing, I’m the wrong person to ask. PUAs in my opinion are the lowest of the low. In the animal kingdom, scavengers eat the sick, weak, tired and the leftovers because that’s all their hunting skills can get them. The REAL Alpa Males go for prime meat because they can. In the dating world, PUA are the scavengers hunting in bars for drunk or immature girls/women with major self-esteem issues and may be mentally unstable… low! very low!

    I’m not saying all women who go to bars fall under the above… just that MOST who fall prey to the PUA’S game usually are.

    You sound like an incredible guy, please drop that PUA crap. Instead work on being more naturally expressive… confident and easy with your body, face, voice, words, thoughts, feelings, sexuality, soul etc. Beats any PUA routine, method or system out there!

  15. Musathegentlesoul says:

    lol… lowest of the low, scavengers etc. What’s with you and PUAs? Not that I’m one, I’m only having a bit of playful banter plus I only hunt prime meat. I never have to think to myself: “say this… this will escalate sexual tension… be playful…” It’s just there.

    Another provocative and instructive post. Thanks.

  16. lol… are you fishing for a compliment or humbling yourself? :)

    Is it that obvious… me and the PUAs? It gets to me seeing some really great guys with great potential for not just chatting up “any” woman but attracting and keeping a great woman get railroaded by a misrepresentation of “Alpha Male” behaviour. The PUAs make me feel sorry for men in North America! How did men get to be so afraid of just being men that they have resorted to hyena-type behaviour? Where are THE lions?

    Anyways, nice to see you around, been a long while…

  17. Musathegentlesoul says:

    Computer Game Addiction… I’m lonely. Someone hug me? Please?

  18. Come here… shssshh… everything is going to alright. Good boy, good boy! Now let go off me… rehab…

  19. Musathegentlesoul says:

    THANK YOU…

  20. Dagger says:

    This post makes playful banter between men and women seem always easy, but it’s not. From my experience with many women, a majority can’t quite grasp the idea of a lighthearted playful banter/ teasing / goofing. They get easily offended by sexual innuendo.

  21. Tammy says:

    Some men just aren’t good with lighthearted sexual innuendo. There is this one time, I went on a date with a guy and I asked him what he’d like to do and his response was “Undo your bra?”. I’m not somebody who is easily offended by matters relating to sex but this was very forward and in my opinion inappropriate. I told him exactly what I thought about his sexual innuendo and he comes back with “I’m just being playful. You should try to take your guard down and laugh a little.” I walked off. Any other time that would’ve started a playful banter with lighthearted sexual teasing but I meet this guy for the first time and he’s talking about taking off my bra. How is a woman supposed to respond to something like that?

  22. Amy L. says:

    I would have walked off too.

  23. Tammy…
    I think you did the right thing walking off. Some other woman would have smacked him hard on the spot.

    That said, Dagger does have a point. There are some instances when a guy is genuinely trying but just isn’t as confident or brave enough and some woman act like “eeewww, sex, yuck!” If the guy is decent and it’s obvious that he is just trying to be more “interesting” rather than trying to get laid, a woman can try to be a little more open, receptive and responsive. We women shouldn’t expect men to do all the “lighting the fire” and we just sit back criticizing his efforts or blowing out the fire every time he tries try to light it. It takes two to tango, they say… :)

  24. Meredith says:

    Thanks for saying what needed to be said. Smart, witty and delightful banter with good-natured ribbing to go with it can be very sexy. Too few of us are good at it, sadly.

  25. Rahul says:

    I love your passion directed towards PUAs. It has nothing to do with connecting with women but making AFCs think they’re not as much of rejects as they actually are. I refuse to follow that s**t. I’m not so lame as to walk to a woman with greater self-esteem than myself and try to rip her apart to make her more insecure than myself.

    I’m working on making myself to become a more attractive, open and interesting guy who can naturally walk over to a woman and have a normal interesting conversation about anything we want to talk about.

  26. Beauty&Brains says:

    Sexual innuendos don’t do much for me. Men that talk about sex are all talk and no action. I also think men think less of women who talk sluttish. Women who respond positively to sexual innuendos are endorsing being treated with disrespect.

  27. Sorry for your bad experience with men who are all talk and no action. As for women being treated with disrespect, I think there are levels of “dirty talk”. I don’t for one moment think Morgan thinks less of Garcia – au contraire!

    But you’re right, there’s a point where it stops being “naughty” and becomes plain slutty. A lot depends on how a woman presents herself, holds up her own, tone of voice and actual words used. I think naughty talk is even more effective when a woman is seen an “intelligent” rather than a bimbo airhead. Done with self-respect, it shows that a woman is comfortable with her sexuality and enjoys sex. I’m yet to see a real red blooded man who thinks less of an intelligent woman who holds up her own – sexually.

  28. Beauty&Brains says:

    It’s not just my experience, my g/friends also find these men useless in the bedroom.

  29. I hear what you’re saying — and happen to agree with you. There are men who have mastered the “talk of sexual confidence” but actually aren’t sexually confident at all. When they use sexual innuendos or try to act sexy, it makes a woman feel uneasy or “dirty”. A woman with well tuned sexual energy can pick out that kind of arrested sexual development the second a guy tries to talk anything “sexual”.

  30. Emily says:

    I have a playful personality and after reading some of the responses here, it is great to know that there are men and women out there who appreciate someone who shows they like someone and express it openly.

  31. Anvion says:

    This blog and site has really opened my eyes! I’m 31 and still a virgin because of holding on to some unrealistic beliefs and ideas about love and sex. This blog has made me realize what I’m doing (or rather not doing). Thank you so much!

  32. How To Talk Dirty says:

    This blog is truly great. Its such an informative blog. The great lesson from Geishas, courtesans , and today’s celebrity porn queens is not in the physical acts they perform… it’s in HOW THEY TALK!

    Keep up the good post…!

  33. Connie Lewis says:

    We all could use a wake up call when it comes to talking dirty and naughty with class.

    Really found your information very useful…

    Thank You.

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