An attractive co-worker or even perfect stranger says “hi” to you and you automatically start obsessing and analyzing every little body language. Why did she touch her hair; what does it mean if she also uncrosses her arms; is there a future for the relationship etc.
A guy you’ve gone out with only three times isn’t acting like his usual cheerful self and you conclude he is distancing because he’s falling in love; may be he wants to break up because he has commitment phobia.
An ex who you texted, emailed and called so many times but never returned your calls, texted nor emailed you back no matter how much you pleaded with him or her writes on your Facebook wall and you automatically conclude your ex misses you and wants you back.
Reading between the lines and analyzing information we receive is an intrinsic part of who we are as human beings. But sometimes, some people take it too far — some to an insane and ultimately unhealthy degree.
They obsessively go over and over and over every word in the conversation … why did s/he say/do that… what did s/he really mean when s/he said/did this. They drive themselves crazy worrying and stressing over small things and waste so much time over nothing.
Something that is so simple and straightforward becomes so ridiculously complicated. Some people so overanalyze that when they eventually decide to act on what they think the other person said/meant everything goes wrong because what they’re acting on is a reality they made up all on their own. Somewhere in the overanalysis they completely lost touch with what was really said or what really happened.
Reading too much and too far into every single little thing can end up costing you the relationship.
If you’re one of those people who tends to over think your relationships, one of the things you can do is seek professional help to try to help you stop the behaviour. The other thing you can do instead of trying to stop the behaviour is train yourself to direct it into a creative outlet.
1. Stop looking for hidden meanings and messages that are not really there
Not everything someone says or does has “hidden” meanings and messages. Learn to take people’s words and actions at face value a little more. You don’t have to stick your head in the sand or “dumb down”, just stop trying to read more into everything.
If someone says they’ll call you, overanalyzing what that really means won’t make a difference as to whether they’ll call or not. If an ex says “I love you but not in love with you” trying to convince yourself that he or she doesn’t mean what he or she is saying won’t change how your ex feels.
2. Slow down and take things one day at a time
People who overanalyze, over think stuff, engage in mind-reading, second-guessing, reality altering (put a little spin on reality) are often too focused in the past or so far into the future that they ignore, hide from or forget about the present.
Take one moment at a time, one day at a time as nobody can predict with 100%accuracy what will happen or not happen. There can and there will always be another perspective, explanation, reason, interpretation or something that can happen that you may have not even considered. And sometimes you can be wrong in your analysis. You can read into an analysis of a situation something that may not be there.
Trust that whatever happens things will take care of themselves if they are kept positive and realistic.
3. Step back and away from your situation and focus on someone or something other than you (for a change)
If you find yourself so wrapped up in clutter thoughts it’s most likely because you’ve gone far too deep inwards and are far too focused on you in an unhealthy way.
Get out of your own head and get into your life. Spend more time with friends and family; help someone else; join a cause that stands for something truly meaningful etc.
Copyright © 2012 | Ask Love Doctor Yangki Christine Akiteng All rights reserved Theme designed by
I’m one of those people who analyzes and dissects and re-analyzes other people’s words and behavior and the implications of their actions until I forget the original intention. Your article is a good reminder that I need to stop this. It’s messed up many of my relationships. Thank you for all you do.
This was well written and very appreciated.
I overanalyze everything myself and others do, that it drives me crazy. I over think in my relationships which makes it hard for me to ever truly just be happy and settled with the person I’m with.. Thanks to your article I realize now that I must calm down, take each day at a time, and just live in the moments and go with the flow. Thank you!
This article was very well written. It also makes me realize how exhibiting these behaviors can attract similar types of people to you, those who will feed on that energy and sometimes play on it as well.
Well said! Thanks!
After a very succesful relationship that ended very suddenly because of her, I’ve become very unsecure with relationships. I keep overthinking about how I may mess up everything even when things are awesome! This is creating a very unusual character on me, that just can’t be happy at every moment. This “hidden meanings” things happen to me so very much! Thanks for the article and for letting me understand a little bit about this issues. Nice to know I’m not alone!
This article really hit home especially when dealing with the “One day at a time.” This is very inportant because it will cause you to not see the forest for the trees. It’s a very difficult way to be and feel I’ve lost a few good relationships because I wanted to make sure I covered everything.
Thank you for the well written article that lets me know I am not the only one who thinks the way I do.
This article has calmed me down a great deal. I have forever thought that i have a huge mess of problems because i overanalyze everything in my relationship with my boy friend. When i can step away from these issues, i feel like i’ve possibly found the love of my life but unfortunatly, because of how i read into things, i try to talk myself out of it. Even reading the comments from the other readers makes me feel better knowing that i’m not the only person who thinks this way. I just wish i knew more about keeping these positive thoughts in my head when i get overly anxious… thank you for the article, though! I think it’s a good reference!
Thank you for making this article, it helped me a lot and i’ve even searched other websites and followed their articles as well but yours seems to be the most effective. I over analyze like crazy, i find myself sitting down at work and forgetting that I’m even at work because i cant get that one subject from keeping my head wondering for an answer. I talked with my friends about these things in hopes of knowing they might over analyze as well but all answered that i was the only one and maybe something is wrong with me. Finding out that there are actual people like me thanks to the internet, that put a lot of ease on my over analyzing. Finding articles like these to stop over analyzing helps a bunch.
I really made a connection here and I think this will help me a lot since I tend to over think things quite a bit. I shall bookmark this in-case I need to be reminded.
Thanks and regards
i think im an overthinker but i confirmed i am one after reading this. and it has made me restless. this article is really helpful as a reminder to myself that situation might not be as bad as we think.