Can Your Ex Be Interested In You Again? Yes… But

how-to-make-yourself-interesting-to-your-ex-again

There are so many people trying to get back their ex but realizing that their ex is not as interested or not interested at all. What gives?

The answer is simple. You are simply not interesting ENOUGH.

1. Your words are unimaginative (I miss you, I love you, I want you back, I saw… and it reminded me of you, I have something interesting to tell you… blah blah);

2) Your actions are predictable (begging and pleading then 30 days of no contact, long “apology” letter then mindless contact every few days, trying to get him/her to meet up with you and posting updates on Facebook/snapchat… blah blah).

There’s no bigger interest-killer for both men and women than someone who is predictable and lacks imagination.

Both men and women find a spontaneous person full of thoughtful surprises a lot more fun to be around that someone who is too scared or passive, rigid or controlling, desperate or too eager to please, incurably negative and does the same predictable thing all the time — same questions, same conversations over and over.

We also don’t like people who seem too aloof, secretive, detached, inaccessible, uncaring, indifferent, stubborn, and sometimes downright mean. They make us suspicious of what they are up to you, and afraid of what they might do.

We like spontaneous people because there is always that anticipation of something new or different with them. It’s like they keep revealing a different side of them that we’ve not seen before or didn’t even expect was there.

When it comes to trying to get back someone who thinks he/she already knows everything about you, and still walked away from the relationship, the anticipation of something new or different is even more important.

This is why my book is called “Dating Your Ex” and not just “get your ex back”.

You are dating someone you dated before (ex), but are coming into the relationship as a new you, an improved you, a more interesting you, and more ready for a healthy and lasting relationship you. Someone new your ex hasn’t “dated”, yet.

Think of when you first met and started dating. The moments that sparked interest and/or flamed passion was when it felt like you had “discovered” someone unique and special. It’s these moments when we encountered something new and surprisingly pleasant about someone that took the relationship deeper into something more.

Unfortunately, in many relationships people start forgetting what it was that made us feel like we had “discovered” someone unique and special. We stop being spontaneous and imaginative, and as a result stopped being “interesting”. And this can happen both ways. The person we’re dating or in a relationship with stops being as “interesting” because there is nothing new and surprisingly pleasant about them.

So if you are going to be “interesting” again, you must go back to being spontaneous and full of thoughtful surprises.

Your ex thinks he/she has you figured out, do something that will make him/her question what he/she thinks he/she already knows about you.

It doesn’t even have to be something “huuuuge”, and you don’t have to be in his/her presence to be a spontaneous person full of thoughtful surprises.

1. Change the way you reach out, the way you talk (text) to him/her, the way you treat him/her, etc.

2. Show a different side of you he/she has never seen before. This should not be a problem if you are an “interesting” person because interesting people think about interesting things, do interesting things and live interesting lives. Boring people think boring thoughts, do boring things… you get the point.

3. Be unpredictable. Stop counting days when to make contact, stop using internet scripts (and phrases) that everyone else uses, and stop doing the same predictable and unimaginative things over and over.

Do the opposite of what you normally do, or do something unexpected but which is uniquely you. This will pique his/her curiosity, tantalize his/her imagination, tap into his/her primal emotions until he/she can no longer deny his/her attraction to you.

If it doesn’t feel like “Hello, Again”, you are not “dating your ex” you are just trying to “get back your ex”.

You can’t really blame someone for not being interested in someone that they walked away from before. Love is not that blind the second time around.

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4 Comments

  • Yangki, my ex is warming up to me and responds to all my texts. I am just wondering if there are signs that an ex is developing interest and what they are. He broke up with me because I became needy and was nagging him, he said that made him lose interest because i was not he person he fell in love with. I have been following your advice and have made some progress, so thank you. I know I still have a long way to go, but I feel good about where things are compared to two months ago.

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  • My ex recently sent me a text message to say hi and asked how I was doing. I was curious considering that we haven’t had any sort of contact for almost 2 years. Over the past few weeks, he and I have been texting non-stop. I’m starting to develop feelings for him again but he says he is not looking for a relationship. He broke up with his ex less than a month ago. To be honest, I don’t mind being just friends with him. We always got along so well. When we broke up he had lost his job and was depressed. He’s a different person now. My question is, is there a chance for us? I don’t want not to have him in my life, but I don’t want to be hurt again either. Any advice?

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    • As long as you keep in mind that he’s not looking for a relationship, and not let your “feelings” run ahead of you, there is nothing wrong with what you are doing.

      My experience with these sort of situations is that, your feelings for him are going to grow over time, especially if you spend so much time together texting and/or in person. If there are still some residual feelings on his part, they may blossom into feelings of being in love… after he’s gotten the other relationship out of him system.

      In short, give it a chance, but it’s a very slippery slope with potential for hurt feelings, if your feelings for him aren’t returned.

      This is one that you have to take very, very, very slowly with eyes wide open.

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