Do you think someone is in to you but things are just not going anywhere?
May be you’ve tried everything to get things from interest to… well, you know… full blown romance, may be even a real relationship… but nothing seems to work?
You need to read this article to the end.
In Western society they call it “playing hard to get”, in African cultures we call it “arranging to be caught”. Both concepts have a similar goal but differ in how to get there, and quite often different outcomes.
Since most of you are familiar with “playing hard to get” and are probably disgusted but it, I will not go there.
- If someone is not into you, acting like you’re not interested is blatant self-deception.
- If someone is somewhat interested in you, acting like you’re not interested will make them second guess their natural instincts — and that’s not good at all!
- If someone is very interested in you, acting like you’re not interested is self-defeating.
Healthy relationships that last develop and thrive on “want him/her as much as he/she wants me”. Except for a few men and women who chase after people who show no interest in them whatsoever, most of us are drawn to the strength of the other person’s desire for us and are attracted to people who show interest in us.
So even though acting like you’re not interested can sometimes lessen the risk of getting hurt, it is bittersweet. What all those mind games do is make you too elusive that the other person assumes you’re not interested, or conclude that you are ‘too much work’. Even more bittersweet if you tried that “make him/her jealous” twisted game.
Why would you even want someone who only wants you because someone else wants you? Wouldn’t it feel really great to know someone loves you and wants you because you’re so special to him/her, and not because his/her “competitive juices” have been squeezed?
Most mature men and women are turned off by mind games — and rightfully so! They’ll will chase you around for a while but there comes a day when they get tried of running after you, give up and move on to someone more receptive to their interest.
And you… you’ll be wishing you had let them catch you, or at least stopped running when no one was chasing you.
If it’s too difficult, too complicated, too demanding, too stressful, too painful, it does not make someone want to chase you, instead it has the opposite effect.
If you want to make someone want you enough to commit effort and time chasing you, make the experience worth their while. The emphasis is here is “worth their while”.
Unlike “playing hard to get” which focuses too much on the “hard to get” (more like “impossible to get”), uses mind games to create interest and is about Me, I and Myself, the African Art of Arranging To Be Caught is all about him/her.
Whoever you want interested in you will know exactly how you feel, what you are up to and what you want. But instead of getting “scared”, they will be coming back for some more because you are making it worth their while.
Mental Shift # 1: It’s about Him/Her.
Many men and women are confused and conflicted when told, “I love you but I’m not in love with you”; which is just another way of saying “I love you but I’m not excited about you anymore”. Most assume that it means that it’s over and there is no way the other person can ever feel “in love” again.
When you really think about it honestly without any defenses or trying to make it about his/her “issues”, you can almost see the point at which someone began to “fall out of love”; when the excitement of being with you pealed off.
Whether that was because things fell into routine and boring, you were not emotionally open and honest, you became needy and clingy, was ‘too busy” to pay attention to the relationship, or whether you became too demanding (for attention, time, commitment, etc), the common theme here is that you stopped focusing on him/her, and it became all about you.
That feeling of excitement when he/she saw you, heard your voice or read your text is gone, and all they are left with is the strong attachment/bond they have with you (which most of us call “love”).
It’s that “excited about you” feeling that makes us want to know more about someone… be more for someone… do more for someone… feel more and want more. It’s also what makes some of us keep going back to a relationship that may be toxic or to someone who cheats over and over.
What I am saying is: you can absolutely make someone feel “in love” with you again and again and again, if you know how to make the relationship worthwhile for him/her.
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