How to Let Your Ex Go and Forgive Yourself

toxic-bonds-in-on-and-off-again-relationshipsAre you finding yourself stuck in some kind of limbo where you are still very angry with your ex but at the same time still very much in love the him/her?

If you do, you have to let the anger go in order to heal and move on. If you want your ex back, you have to let the anger to create space for a new relationship.

You can’t be trying to get your ex and be angry at them at the same time. It’s like driving two opposite directions at the same time, you end up working up spinning your wheels and going now where.

Here is a good exercise to help you let go whatever is holding you from moving on, or creating the new relationship you want. It’s an exercise of forgiveness but also one of growht and becoming a much better you.

Ask yourself these questions and answer them with an open mind. It’s only by being honest with yourself that you can get to the truth.

1. Of all the men/women in the world, why did I attract/why was I drawn to my ex? (at this point in my life?)

2. What is the lesson I need to learn from this experience with my ex?

3. What parts of myself that need learning or growth has my ex shown me?

4. Can I accept the role my ex has played in helping me learn more about myself?

5. Can I allow myself to let go of any anger towards my ex who has helped me learn these things about myself?

Keep in mind that “allowing” has nothing to do with reaching out to your ex, or trying to help your ex face his/her own issues. This is about you. Allow your ex to follow his/he chosen path.

Go over your answers with a very close confidant. It helps (it’s necessary) to talk to another person with more objective input. However, chose your confidants carefully, the other person’s own “issues” may interfere with the whole process. He/she may start injecting his/her own pain from his/her own experiences into the situation instead of helping you through yours.

Whatever you do, don’t remain locked in blaming and feeling like a victim. The endless thoughts that you spin around your pain and hurt, and the energy you pour into complaining and other misdirected activities dulls your awareness of your own choices, robbing you of opportunities to gain deeper insight and to grow into who you are meant to be.

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