How Do I Get Closure After A Breakup?

Sometimes people just drift apart for what looks like no apparent reason. Other times there were just too many fights, secrets, and sometimes actual dishonesty. Unspoken conflicts may eventually destroy a relationship.

If you’re not quite sure what caused the break up, you can’t help but keep dwelling on it and it’ll take you much longer to get over your ex especially if it was a long term relationship. People will tell you “learn from it and get over it” but it’s not as easy as it seems because you feel empty inside. You feel you can’t learn from your mistakes because you don’t even know what those mistakes are.

There’s nothing worse than a relationship fading away into oblivion. And if you are the type who needs closure, stop wondering and waiting, instead take action:

  1. Contact your ex and explain to him/her you are having trouble understanding what caused him/her to leave.
  2. If they do not want to talk you (or are hiding from you for some reason or the other) ask a mutual friend why he/she knows (or thinks) you split up.
  3. Once you got the answers you need (or even an idea of it), move on. Do not be tempted to contact the person with hope that they’ll want to get back with you. Learn from your mistakes.
  4. If you find yourself crying, let the tears flow. It’s good and healthy to release the painful emotions.

And if you are the one who sort of drifted away, you probably have no closure either because you are wondering what happened and how he/she is doing. It’s best to let him/her understand that even if things didn’t work out, he/she is a wonderful person and your time together just wasn’t “a waste of time”. You may not be a relationship coach but helping him/her risk loving again is a deposit in your own love account.

They say where you end a relationship is where you begin the next one!!

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4 Comments

  • I respect everything you say, but isn’t it good manners to at least meet with your ex, and talk to them so they have closure, especially if you were married for 13 years? I’ve asked my ex-husband several time to meet with me and talk about what happened between us but being the selfish jerk he is, he refuses to give me that peace of mind. I wrote him a long email but he’s never replied to that. He just one day walked out of our relationhip and all the explantions he’s given me so far are laughable. I just need to know when he fell out of love and why. Is there anything else i should be doing? Please don’t tell me to move on, I’ve tried and can’t.

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    • I agree, it’s good manners. But trying to teach your ex husband good manners when you failed all those years is beating a dead horse, don’t you think?

      He may feel that he’s explained all he needs to or can explain but you just will not accept it. In my opinion, him “refusing to give you closure” should be closure enough. It’s not like you are his wife anymore. He doesn’t want to talk to you or see you, that’s his right.

      If you seriously can’t move on, it might help to talk to a therapist.

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  • I needed no contact to pull myself together. After 2months of NC, I contacted him but never responded to any of my calls or texts. I then sent him a text saying I needed to talk to him to get closure so I could move on but he never replied. It’s been almost a month and he still has not contacted me. I’m hurting so much. I’m sure closure would help me move on but he won’t even give me the respect of a conversation. What should I say to him to get him to talk to me?

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    • I’m not a great fan of “closure” (if there is such a thing). Trying to get closure from him is what’s hurting you. He’s made it clear he doesn’t care whether you have closure or not, so I think you should give up trying to get closure from him. Give yourself the closure you need and move on.

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