Sometimes people just drift apart for what looks like no apparent reason. Other times there were just too many fights, secrets, and sometimes actual dishonesty. Unspoken conflicts may eventually destroy a relationship.
If you’re not quite sure what caused the break up, you can’t help but keep dwelling on it and it’ll take you much longer to get over your ex especially if it was a long term relationship. People will tell you “learn from it and get over it” but it’s not as easy as it seems because you feel empty inside. You feel you can’t learn from your mistakes because you don’t even know what those mistakes are.
There’s nothing worse than a relationship fading away into oblivion. And if you are the type who needs closure, stop wondering and waiting, instead take action:
1. Contact your ex and explain to him/her you are having trouble understanding what caused him/her to leave
2. If they do not want to talk you (or are hiding from you for some reason or the other) ask a mutual friend why he/she knows (or thinks) you split up
3. Once you got the answers you need (or even an idea of it), move on. Do not be tempted to contact the person with hope that they’ll want to get back with you. Learn from your mistakes.
4. If you find yourself crying, let the tears flow. It’s good and healthy to release the painful emotions
And if you are the one who sort of drifted away, you probably have no closure either because you are wondering what happened and how he/she is doing. It’s best to let him/her understand that even if things didn’t work out, he/she is a wonderful person and your time together just wasn’t “a waste of time”. You may not be a relationship coach but helping him/her risk loving again is a deposit in your own love account.
They say where you end a relationship is where you begin the next one!!
Do you have a burning question that you’d like to ask me? Send it to datingcoach@sympatico.ca. Questions selected for the Love Doctor Blog will be edited as needed to protect privacy.
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I am looking for closure from a breakup now six months and this has helped me very much. I have learned a lot from trusting someone who I really didn’t know that well. Next time I’ll be very careful with men I meet on the internet.
I needed no contact to pull myself together. After 2months of NC, I contacted him but never responded to any of my calls or texts. I then sent him a text saying I needed to talk to him to get closure so I could move on but he never replied. It’s been almost a month and he still has not contacted me. I’m hurting so much. I’m sure closure would help me move on but he won’t even give me the respect of a conversation. What should I say to him to get him to talk to me?
I’m not a great fan of “closure” (if there is such a thing). Trying to get closure from him is what’s hurting you. He’s made it clear he doesn’t care whether you have closure or not, so I think you should give up trying to get closure from him. Give yourself the closure you need and move on.