How To Get Back Someone Who’s “Lost Feelings” For You

how-to-get-back-an-ex-who-say-he-she-lost-feelings-for-youMany of us upon hearing “I have lost feelings for you” do four things:

1. Try to argue that that’s not true with statements like… “but last week you said you love me” or “you always say I am the best thing that happened to you” or “I don’t believe you”.

We find it hard to believe that someone that not too long ago was professing their love can suddenly lose those feelings.

2. Beg, promise to “change” and ask for another chance.

3. Tell the other person we can work on it together (even suggest going to counselling/therapy together)

4. Tell ourselves there is nothing we can do to bring back “lost” feelings. Either the feelings are there or not. Either he/she wants to be with us or not.

First things first. It’s true that either the feelings are there or not. It’s also true that if your ex says he/she lost feelings for you, he/she is telling the truth. What is not true is that once feelings are lost, they can’t be brought back.

But trying to prove to your ex he/she is wrong, begging for another chance, and/or suggesting therapy doesn’t work.

What you should do when your ex says “I have lost feelings for you” is find out why he/she lost those feelings. They were once there, your ex felt them, what caused him/her to them?

Only your ex can tell you why he/she lost feelings for you. Others including myself can only speculate, but you and your ex are only two people in the relationship, the only ones who really know what goes on behind closed doors, so to speak.

Some exes are direct and will tell you why they lost feelings for you, but some exes leave you to guess. Either they think the truth will hurt you and want to spare you more pain, or they want to avoid long-drawn-out “discussions” about the relationship or break-up.

If your intention is to try and make the relationship work again, you need to find out. You need to talk to your ex.

Once you know why your ex lost feelings for you, begin to work on a plan to bring back those feelings.

What gave him/her those feelings before? Can you replicate it or do you need to find a suitable replacement?

An effective plan should answer two very important questions. 1. What has the greatest impact and 2. What is possible/doable given your current circumstances.

Say for example if your ex says he/she lost feelings because you both fell into a routine and things got boring, going to the gym and working out or expanding your social network will have very little impact if your conversations are still boring, or if you are texting calling your ex every 2-3 days at exactly the same time.

Don’t get me wrong. Working out and getting fit after a break-up helps you feel more confident about yourself, and confident is good. Expanding your social circles makes you more independent and not needy, and that’s a good thing. But that only takes you so far when trying to attract back someone who left you because the relationship became boring.

Your ex may like the new happy, confident and independent you, and be genuinely happy about the changes you’ve made, but if you can’t show/prove to him/her that the two of you can talk about a variety of interesting topics/things, explore new things and mix it up in and out of the bedroom (depending on what became boring), those feelings are not coming back.

To bring those feelings back, you must address the specific reasons why your lost his/her feelings for you.

  • Is it because you argue/fight a lot and your ex just can’t take it anymore?
  • Is it because you grew apart and it didn’t feel like you were compatible anymore?
  • Is it because your ex felt ignored/taken for granted and now feels resentment towards you?
  • Is it because you expressed so much unhappiness with the relationship and your ex began to feel like he/she was not good enough for you/can’t make you happy?
  • Is it because you took so long to commit that now your ex no longer wants your commitment?

You can’t gloss over these concerns and feelings with going to the gym or going out with your friends.

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8 Comments

  • My ex said she loves me but is not sure if we will ever get back together. But she also wants for us to be “friends”. I told her I can’t be her friend but I’ll leave the door open to her if and when she decides to step back through it. We contact each other once in a while but that’s just about it. Last time I contacted her I again asked her if she had made a decision and she said she can’t make one with pressure from me. Why would she feel pressured? Does this mean she’s thinking there a chance for us?

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    • I don’t know if she’s thinking there is a chance for the two of you or not. A lot depends on why she’s “not sure” in the first place. That’s what’s holding her up!

      If you’ve decided to leave the door open, the best thing to do is not stand there holding it. There is when “waiting” gets frustrating. Leave the door open and go live your life.

      I’ve seen exes who had the intention of walking back in do so sooner because they didn’t feel the pressure of someone holding the door open with, “I am waiting, are you coming in or not?” attitude.

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  • My boyfriend just broke up with me today after 6 years. We have been through a lot and he said he has nothing left to give. I know my problems and he has told me, I am bad at communicating (silent treatment type), tend to take things out on him when it has nothing to do with him and we’ve become more like roommates than partners. We both still love each other for him he has no fight left.
    What should I do because I don’t want to lose him and I will work on everything he sees as a problem but how can I get him to be open to taking that last chance?

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    • How to get him to be open to taking that last chance is what this website is all about. The advice is FREE. Spend time reading different articles because the answers to all your questions can be found here.

      If you need more than the site can help, I have two books that work together very well, and improve your chances dramatically: It’s Just A Break-Up will help with managing your emotions while you try to get back your ex, and Dating Your Ex is for what to do to get him back. You can also sign up for one-on-one coaching. Together we’ll identify what specifically needs to be done to bring back those feelings of love.

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  • He wanted to get married within a month of our first date. I did not feel it was right to rush things. Now I want to get married and he says he is not ready and feels that he may never get married. I have walked away from him for the time being and may be he’ll freak out when he realizes he could lose me forever.

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    • I sincerely hope things go the way you hope they will. But sometimes it helps to be realistic about these things. You do realize that things could go the opposite direction too — he realizes he could live without you forever. Walking away is NOT the path I would have advised you to take, but since you’re already on it, I suggest that you don’t just spend your days “waiting”. Fill up your life with things that make you happy and positive and whatever happens, happens.

      The alternative is to swallow your pride, go back and try to work things from the inside. Get to understand why he says he may never get married, and see if you can help him move past whatever is making him feel that way.

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  • Me an my ex gf have been together almost 4 years she said she was happy with the relationship but her feelings have changed an that she dosn,t feel the same way anymore im really gutted as i seen her as the one, i admit ive done the wrong things by pleading ,begging etc but that hasn,t worked ive asked what had made her change an she said that she didnt know an why, an that it just happened she even came off her pill a few month ago so confused me even more to why she lost her feelings i was wondering if there was anyway of them coming back or what id need to do i appreciate any help thanks

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    • This is what this site is for…. how to get back those lost feelings and how to show your ex the relationship can be better.

      It’s free, so use it… 🙂

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