Should I Wait For Him to Contact Me?

contact-woman-textingQuestion: We went out on three dates and he seemed really into me, but I think he lost interest because I acted shy and awkward around him. The last time we went out, he made some remark about sometimes letting my hair down and live a little. The next day we spoke on the phone briefly and since then it’s been two weeks and I’ve not heard from him.

I’ve had my share of men most of whom I was not interested in. This guy is different and I really enjoyed every moment we spent together. It frustrates me so much that I failed to show him the fun-loving side of me. All my female friends say I should leave him alone but my male friends on the other hand say I should reach out to him and see where it goes. I do not want to be too forceful or give him the impression I’m chasing him. I guess I am just old fashioned. He initiated all the calls and arranged all the dates. What do you think, should I reach out to him and see where it goes or should I just let this go?

The Love Doctor’s Answer: I think that if you really enjoy his company that much that you should call, email or text him, whatever you feel comfortable doing. I don’t think that reaching out to him just once will look like you are chasing him or being forceful. If you make a habit of calling him all the time or expecting him to call you (and complaining when he doesn’t), then that’s aggressively chasing him.

The worst that can happen here is that he will not respond but at least you know the ball is in his court and you didn’t just drop it and let the man of your dreams slip through your fingers.

If you get that chance to hang out with him again, let him see you as you. Just enjoy your time together. Don’t worry too much about trying to impress him and instead share with him who you as a person and also show some interest in him as a person. If you’re easy to get along with, laugh and express yourself naturally, he’ll be drawn to that energy. But if you’re trying too hard to impress him, it means you’ve tuned into your own thoughts and most likely coming across as  uptight or boring.

If you’re worried about being too forceful or giving him the impression you’re chasing him, then don’t bring up the “where is this going” type conversation until you’re into “a relationship”. Bringing up these conversations too early into the “get to know you” stage is usually what makes most men feel that a woman is being too forceful.

If you don’t get that chance then maybe next time be a little more open, fun and show you’re interested with the next guy you really like so it could lead to something more.


  • Mila says:

    My ex called me – I hadn’t heard from him in 6 months – and suggested we get together. I told him I want not interested but he was persistent. When we got together he said that he was so sorry for everything that happened and he that loves me so much and wanted us to get back together. I was skeptical and told him I needed time to think about it but when I finally decided to give him another chance, he started pulling back. He stopped telling me how much he loves me, stood me up 2 times and yelled at me when asked him about a text he sent to another woman. I haven’t heard from him in a week which is weird because we spoke everyday for the last three weeks. Am I wasting my time with this guy?

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    • Love Doctor, Yangki Christine Akiteng Love Doctor, Yangki Christine Akiteng says:

      You probably are. I think that your first instincts when out of nowhere he called suggesting you meet up and also when he said he wanted to get back together were RIGHT. The whole thing seems to have been an ego trip just to see if he could get you back.

      Hopefully, I am wrong and he’ll contact you soon with a good enough reason for pulling an AWOL. But even if he does have a good reason, standing you up and yelling at you are RED flags. If he wants you back, he should at least show you respect!

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