Comments on: How Do I Stop Acting Needy and Pushing Too Hard? http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/how-do-i-stop-acting-needy-and-pushing-too-hard/ Wed, 08 Feb 2012 14:37:22 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Gilbert http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/how-do-i-stop-acting-needy-and-pushing-too-hard/#comment-1827 Gilbert Mon, 28 Feb 2011 15:18:07 +0000 http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/?p=2431#comment-1827 I’ve been reading your blog and website for over 3 months and it has made all the difference in my relating with women! I tried for years to learn the techniques advanced by PUAs and many other books but I found that that only made me the person I did not want to be. Reading your articles and using the information in my dating, I’ve found that what women really want is a man who can own his world and gently take her by the hand and bring her into his world. I just wanted you to know that “You are the best!” A lot of thanks. I’ve been reading your blog and website for over 3 months and it has made all the difference in my relating with women! I tried for years to learn the techniques advanced by PUAs and many other books but I found that that only made me the person I did not want to be. Reading your articles and using the information in my dating, I’ve found that what women really want is a man who can own his world and gently take her by the hand and bring her into his world.

I just wanted you to know that “You are the best!”
A lot of thanks.

]]> By: Yangki Christine Akiteng, Love Doctor http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/how-do-i-stop-acting-needy-and-pushing-too-hard/#comment-1200 Yangki Christine Akiteng, Love Doctor Mon, 10 May 2010 04:58:33 +0000 http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/?p=2431#comment-1200 Thank you for your kind words... Not only do I think there is hope for a relationship after one of the partners has been turned off by clingy and needy behaviour, I’ve seen relationships thrive after the clingy and needy behaviour is reduced to a healthy level or completely eliminated. It takes time and consistently behaving in a non-clingy and needy way. A partner who has experienced clingy needy behaviour may for some time remain on guard/not sure what to expect because most clingy and needy people after a while go back to acting needy ad clingy. But just dealing with the clingy and needy behaviour may not be enough. Other things like strength of attraction, how well two people get along, feeling that the other person/relationship is the right one, interest in continuing the relationship, whether there is someoe else etc. make a huge difference. Thank you for your kind words…

Not only do I think there is hope for a relationship after one of the partners has been turned off by clingy and needy behaviour, I’ve seen relationships thrive after the clingy and needy behaviour is reduced to a healthy level or completely eliminated. It takes time and consistently behaving in a non-clingy and needy way. A partner who has experienced clingy needy behaviour may for some time remain on guard/not sure what to expect because most clingy and needy people after a while go back to acting needy ad clingy.

But just dealing with the clingy and needy behaviour may not be enough. Other things like strength of attraction, how well two people get along, feeling that the other person/relationship is the right one, interest in continuing the relationship, whether there is someoe else etc. make a huge difference.

]]> By: Kirsten http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/how-do-i-stop-acting-needy-and-pushing-too-hard/#comment-1199 Kirsten Sun, 09 May 2010 23:05:50 +0000 http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/?p=2431#comment-1199 First of all, I want to say thank you so much for this blog and your articles, they are truly amazing. I only wish I would have found this site a lot sooner! Last year things between my best friend and I were so full of relationship and romantic potential, but I messed things up by being too clingy, needy, and emotionally immature. This past year I've learned so much and grown so much, I've realized for myself all the things you talk about in your articles on this topic. We are still exceptionally close best friends (long-distance, but only for a few more months) and we do love each other very much. I know you can't comment on my particular relationship with so little information, but do you think there could be hope for a relationship after one of the partners has been turned off by clingy and needy behaviour, if that behaviour really has been dealt with? First of all, I want to say thank you so much for this blog and your articles, they are truly amazing. I only wish I would have found this site a lot sooner! Last year things between my best friend and I were so full of relationship and romantic potential, but I messed things up by being too clingy, needy, and emotionally immature. This past year I’ve learned so much and grown so much, I’ve realized for myself all the things you talk about in your articles on this topic. We are still exceptionally close best friends (long-distance, but only for a few more months) and we do love each other very much. I know you can’t comment on my particular relationship with so little information, but do you think there could be hope for a relationship after one of the partners has been turned off by clingy and needy behaviour, if that behaviour really has been dealt with?

]]> By: The Love Doctor http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/how-do-i-stop-acting-needy-and-pushing-too-hard/#comment-920 The Love Doctor Fri, 05 Feb 2010 20:14:27 +0000 http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/?p=2431#comment-920 The Art of Seducing Out Of Fullness and Playing Hard To Get the Love Way are both CDN$29.99 from CDN$39.99. Both ebooks together cost CDN$44.99 (that's CDN$22.99 an ebook). The discounted offer expires Feb. 14. The Art of Seducing Out Of Fullness and Playing Hard To Get the Love Way are both CDN$29.99 from CDN$39.99. Both ebooks together cost CDN$44.99 (that’s CDN$22.99 an ebook). The discounted offer expires Feb. 14.

]]> By: michael stern http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/how-do-i-stop-acting-needy-and-pushing-too-hard/#comment-919 michael stern Fri, 05 Feb 2010 20:06:17 +0000 http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/?p=2431#comment-919 I and interested in buying 2 of your books if i could get that 20% discount let me know . I and interested in buying 2 of your books if i could get that 20% discount let me know .

]]> By: The Love Doctor http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/how-do-i-stop-acting-needy-and-pushing-too-hard/#comment-751 The Love Doctor Mon, 04 Jan 2010 14:32:29 +0000 http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/?p=2431#comment-751 You can try to relax a bit and let him take the initiative once in a while. Two things are likely to happen 1) you’ll discover that as soon as you stop making all the effort the relationship kind of fizzles out or 2) he’ll step up because he doesn’t want to lose you or because he’s been waiting for the opportunity to be “the man” in the relationship. The question is, are you willing to find out which is which or are you just too afraid of losing him that you just keep demanding and pushing - only to lose him later than sooner. In addition to learning to relax a bit, I also advice you to work on why it is you feel that if you don’t “demand” time, affection, etc from a guy you wont get it. Is it the type of men you choose? How you connect? Learned behaviour from past experience? Dealing with personal issue makes it much easier to -- intuitively -- know when too much it too much. Relationships are a lot of work and effort, but BOTH WAYS, otherwise something is unhealthy about that relationship. You can try to relax a bit and let him take the initiative once in a while. Two things are likely to happen 1) you’ll discover that as soon as you stop making all the effort the relationship kind of fizzles out or 2) he’ll step up because he doesn’t want to lose you or because he’s been waiting for the opportunity to be “the man” in the relationship.

The question is, are you willing to find out which is which or are you just too afraid of losing him that you just keep demanding and pushing – only to lose him later than sooner.

In addition to learning to relax a bit, I also advice you to work on why it is you feel that if you don’t “demand” time, affection, etc from a guy you wont get it. Is it the type of men you choose? How you connect? Learned behaviour from past experience? Dealing with personal issue makes it much easier to — intuitively — know when too much it too much.

Relationships are a lot of work and effort, but BOTH WAYS, otherwise something is unhealthy about that relationship.

]]> By: Ehrlich543 http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/how-do-i-stop-acting-needy-and-pushing-too-hard/#comment-749 Ehrlich543 Sun, 03 Jan 2010 21:01:32 +0000 http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/?p=2431#comment-749 You are right. I’m very self-driven and there are times when I feel that I care about him more than he cares about me and the only thing maintaining the relationship is the effort I’m putting in. How do I fix that? You are right. I’m very self-driven and there are times when I feel that I care about him more than he cares about me and the only thing maintaining the relationship is the effort I’m putting in. How do I fix that?

]]> By: The Love Doctor http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/how-do-i-stop-acting-needy-and-pushing-too-hard/#comment-748 The Love Doctor Sun, 03 Jan 2010 13:26:47 +0000 http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/?p=2431#comment-748 Words like “clingy" and "needy” mean different things to different people, but overall I think it comes down to the other person feeling like they are being asked to give what they can’t give, are willing to give or incapable of giving at any one given time. It could be time, space, display of affection, sharing of feelings and emotions etc. It’s not uncommon for women (and men) as independent and highly self sufficient as yourself to transfer some of the skills and abilities that got you to be where you are into a relationship. Sometimes this can lead you to feel like you're the one doing all the work in the relationship and can make you start demanding that the other person put in the same effort - or at least close. E.g. you text him and then being mad he doesn't respond, you arrange for a surprise get away and feel hurt when he can’t make it, etc. If this demands are taken to the extreme, it can make the other person feel like you expect his/her life to revolve around you - in other words, you’re clingy and needy. Words like “clingy” and “needy” mean different things to different people, but overall I think it comes down to the other person feeling like they are being asked to give what they can’t give, are willing to give or incapable of giving at any one given time. It could be time, space, display of affection, sharing of feelings and emotions etc.

It’s not uncommon for women (and men) as independent and highly self sufficient as yourself to transfer some of the skills and abilities that got you to be where you are into a relationship. Sometimes this can lead you to feel like you’re the one doing all the work in the relationship and can make you start demanding that the other person put in the same effort – or at least close. E.g. you text him and then being mad he doesn’t respond, you arrange for a surprise get away and feel hurt when he can’t make it, etc. If this demands are taken to the extreme, it can make the other person feel like you expect his/her life to revolve around you – in other words, you’re clingy and needy.

]]> By: Ehrlich543 http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/how-do-i-stop-acting-needy-and-pushing-too-hard/#comment-747 Ehrlich543 Sun, 03 Jan 2010 12:24:20 +0000 http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/?p=2431#comment-747 My b/f complains that I’m clingy and needy but I don’t exactly understand what he means by clingy and needy because I’m independent and highly self sufficient. I have a great job, own a home at 27 and I’m not in a hurry to get married. I have a life outside of him and I don’t spy on him, so it’s not like I’m pushing him to do anything for me. Is there something I don’t get? My b/f complains that I’m clingy and needy but I don’t exactly understand what he means by clingy and needy because I’m independent and highly self sufficient. I have a great job, own a home at 27 and I’m not in a hurry to get married. I have a life outside of him and I don’t spy on him, so it’s not like I’m pushing him to do anything for me. Is there something I don’t get?

]]> By: The Love Doctor http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/how-do-i-stop-acting-needy-and-pushing-too-hard/#comment-709 The Love Doctor Mon, 28 Dec 2009 17:05:34 +0000 http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/?p=2431#comment-709 <em>Response to tee...</em> Your situation is very similar to the original question. The same suggestions above will help keep you from wanting to be clingy or needy. <em>Response to Dav....</em> Age may or may not play a role in what one considers your “neediness.” What’s important is that such behaviour is causing both of you not to enjoy the relationship. For both of your sakes, just stop whatever it is you’re doing that you think is constantly showing her your commitment. If she thinks it’s neediness, there is no use trying to convince her to see it differently. What that does is re-echo the age difference even more. Response to tee…

Your situation is very similar to the original question. The same suggestions above will help keep you from wanting to be clingy or needy.

Response to Dav….

Age may or may not play a role in what one considers your “neediness.” What’s important is that such behaviour is causing both of you not to enjoy the relationship. For both of your sakes, just stop whatever it is you’re doing that you think is constantly showing her your commitment. If she thinks it’s neediness, there is no use trying to convince her to see it differently. What that does is re-echo the age difference even more.

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