Question: I write to you because I was very impressed by your e-book that I found very well-written and informative.
I am well educated, Ph.D., intelligent, blonde petite and I’ve been told I’m quite attractive. I take excellent care of myself and always look good when I go out especially to the beach with my bikini. I also enjoy the attention of men watching me but even though I’m 38, I kind of feel like as a sexual person, I am still in adolescence. I don’t know how to express myself as a sexual person and struggle with drawing the line between coming across as relaxed, fun and sexy and coming across as easy, indecent and cheap. I’ve jumped into bed too soon and had sex with random men because sexual enticement is all I know about being sexual. Part of this I think is because I was raised in a strict Catholic family.
How do I get to that place where I’m sexually fearless and able to flirt and feel at ease around men and not be the female that slept with the football team or the Sex and City woman?
The Love Doctor’s Answer: We’re all born sexually fearless but that free-flowing sexual energy can be suppressed by the mis-education about human sexuality.
1. Part of being a sexually fearless and magnetic person is that there is no agenda to end up “having sex” with anyone.
It’s not about sex or sexual enticement. It’s not even a “women empowerment” thing. It is a way of BE-ing a sexual being. It’s often unconscious, instinctive and effortless because it is just who we are in our naturally relaxed sexual state.
To find your own “relaxed, fun and sexy self” you have to first get into that place where you’re truly happy with who you are — mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually and sexually - and genuinely comfortable in your own skin or as we say in my culture “playing with life” or “making love to the universe.”
When you play with life or make love to the universe, you have that easy-going, playful presence and soulful energy that sends very powerful “I like my life and who I am and you’ll like me too if you get to know me” vibes . Men will be drawn to that energy – some even have no idea why. They just know there is something about how you ARE with yourself and with them.
Instead of you struggling to do what sexual energy can do (naturally and effortlessly) all you do is give your sexual energy permission to flow freely – and magnetize other’s energy.
2. The other part of being a sexually fearless and magnetic person is knowing that you have the power and control over your own sexuality (including who and when to have sex).
Instead of going out thinking “I hope I’ll find someone who’ll want me”, adopt the attitude of “I wonder who’ll capture my eyes and heart.” This will help you enjoy yourself and learn just what kind of guys really rock your world, and not just be drawn to anyone who shows sexual interest in you.
There are more articles on the articles section of my website that will help you cultivate that naturally relaxed, fun and sexy confidence and energy.
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Your blog and site have helped me immensely. You have a deep understanding of people and of how to show them how to improve their lives and relationships significantly. Thank you!
I tend to be passive with men in general mainly because I feel that they will not be attracted to me or will after sometime lose interest. For me that risk is just too much. Also I am not one to try too hard to get a man and tricks that women use to snare men don’t appeal to me. I’m working more on being confident in who I am because I believe that will attract the man who loves me just for me.
Having the confidence in who you are, what you have to offer and how you present that to another person makes all the difference. When you feel that confident you are willing to take the risk to love because you know that there is something really beautiful in you that draws others to you and you don’t have to try too hard or even use tricks to get love.