You read her comment. She does NOT want to leave …

Comment on How To Stop The Silent Treatment by Love Doctor, Yangki Christine Akiteng.

You read her comment. She does NOT want to leave him. She loves him and wants things to work… just doesn’t know how.

Nowhere does she say he “repeatedly withholds love and affection and actively avoids resolution”. I think you are projecting your own personal experience/situation into her experience/situation.

Cutting off all ties is not the solution to every relationship problem. Personally I think severing a relationship just because it has problems is a cope-out by people who lack the ability to maintain relationships… and there is just too many of them on the internet.

If Donna wants to try to make her relationship work, that’s HER decision to make.

Love Doctor, Yangki Christine Akiteng Also Commented

How To Stop The Silent Treatment
I hear what you are saying, Greg. Unfortunately, both genders play the victim card.

What I was saying to both Donna and Beth is that before you start pointing fingers at the other person, make sure you are blameless. My experience has been that most people do not want to look at themselves because that means that they have to change. It’s easier to try to change someone else than change oneself.

The irony is that the unhappiest people are those who think they can change another person. They think that if they can change the other person, then everything else would be perfect. Most end up alone or with partners who are there physically but emotionally M.I.A. It’s kind of a vicious cycle.

I do agree with you on the part about “chipping away at his self confidence in the name of helping him change”. I think women are generally more guilty of this than men are. That said, I’m not interested in taking sides. First, it helps no one. And second, it attracts to this blog bitter men and women with no sense of self-accountability or responsibility. I can’t stand both… and will call it out when I see it, regardless of whether it’s a man or woman.

How To Stop The Silent Treatment
May be it’s how you talk to him that is THE problem.

Look at your comment for example… “but I’m reading that all I CAN do is leave if I don’t want to deal with torment.”

But half of the article is about what you can do if you don’t want to just leave.

See, when you start a conversation or discussion with false accusations, negative statements, criticism etc, people react either by aggressively defending themselves or just refuse to engage with you in an attempt to defuse the situation and avoid a full blown fight (something you might see as giving the silent treatment”).

And when you follow it with questioning his love for you and acting like you are doing him a favour (“But I feel he is deserving of a loving relationship”), what do you expect?

I would not be surprised if this guy is the really patient one in this relationship, and keeping his silence is the only thing he can do because he loves you.

Some guys can be patient like that. Just being honest…

Recent Comments by Love Doctor, Yangki Christine Akiteng

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Unbiased and compassionate…hmmm. I’ll take that! Thank you… 🙂

I think what you need is more a consultation than coaching. Here’s a link to how to set up a consultation call.

We will talk about your situation and see whether you should try to get him back or just move on.

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I have MANY. Use the site search button and type in different words that reflect your situation. Make sure to read the comments as well. Many answers to many questions are in the comments.

This is just one of the most popular articles that may (or may not) address your situation.

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There is such a thing. It’s very possible and it happens more often than most people realize.

That said, I do admit that it’s quite rare in today’s relationship environment for exes to part ways with little or no animosity. My personal opinion is that too many people become “romantic lovers” without necessarily cultivating “friendship”, and when the romance dies there is nothing else left but hurt feelings, anger and resentment.

People with good relationship skills cultivate and nurture both romance and friendship. Friendship helps them weather the rough patches, navigate hurt emotions, and maintain an emotional connection long after the romance dies out. That ‘friendship’ usually provides a foundation for a new romantic relationship. That’s why people who remain “friends” with their ex end up getting back together more often than people who simply can’t remain friends with their ex.

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Building and strengthening connection is what this site is for. Read as many articles as you can on re-opening the lines of communication, making an emotional connection, and building emotional momentum. If this is not enough and you feel you need more detailed information, consider getting my eBook Dating Your Ex

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The article How to Earn Back Your Ex’s Trust tells you what to do. Make sure you read 1 through 3. If you need more help than is in the article, I am happy to work with you one-on-one. Sign up for a phone session and we’ll talk about your situation.

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