Your Ex Keeps Disappearing – Not A Good Sign?

Question: Is it possible to re-establish contact then your ex disappears and goes silent but when you contact them two weeks later, they respond immediately within ten minutes?

Yangki’s Answer: Yes, it is possible. In the beginning stages of trying to get your ex back, most exes don’t contact you if you don’t contact them. That evens out as they get more emotionally engaged. But sometimes it is a sign you are being played especially if it happens more than twice, three times to be generous. It is not a good sign for your efforts to get back together, or for a happy lasting relationship.

Think of communication as an invisible rope connecting two people. Each one is holding the other end of the rope. If one person keeps dropping their end of the rope, it’s not a lot of fun for the person holding up their end.

Now, think of contact then silence and contact again as cutting off two inches of the rope, then gluing it back together, then cutting the rope again and gluing it back together.

1. The rope doesn’t look pretty after so much gluing back together.

2. Cutting and gluing weakens the rope.

If someone has the habit of just cutting you off, either they don’t think much of you and don’t care how their actions affect the relationship, or they have some serious growing up to do.

I keep saying, “you teach people how they treat you”. My personal opinion is that the first time they do it, give them a pass (that is, if you care for the relationship that much). Second time, let them know how them disappearing without notice makes you feel. Always give people a chance to change a behaviour. Some people don’t even realize that what they are doing is not good for the relationship. They are only thinking about “me” and not “us”. You are not being responsible if you do not speak up. That said, how you ‘speak up” makes all the difference. Some of us just don’t know how to “speak our peace”. Instead of peace, we invite unnecessary conflict and push the other person further away.

If after you have spoken your peace, and they still do it, that says they don’t care about the relationship. Third time, let them go.

One of the components of emotional intelligence is knowing when to stop trying to make something happen.

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