Have I Completely Ruined It With My Ex?

Question: I’m writing to you because I’m worried that I’ve ruined any chance of getting my ex back. My ex broke up with me and for over a month we had no contact. When I contacted him he said being “just friends” is all we can be.  I had read in many articles that we can’t be friends with an ex, so I told him I loved him too much to be ‘just friends’. I could not pretend I didn’t have feelings for him. It’d be too hard for me because I wanted him as my boyfriend.

I didn’t contact him for 2 weeks. I bought your book and contacted him asking him what’s up. He replied right away. He responds to my texts but I feel that he’s guarded with me.  Do you think I ruined my chances with him or is there still hope for us?

Yangki’s Answer: I don’t know if you ruined your chances or not… what happens in the next few weeks/months will make it clear whether it’s really over or not.

It’d look silly for you to go back and apologize or say “let’s be just friends.” I personally advice my clients not to offer “friendship” mainly because the other person may not understand exactly what you’re saying or offering. But I also tell them when offered, accept it not as a “label” but as a “space” you can use to turn things around.

My advice is for you to stop worrying about him being guarded and work on getting him to let his guard down. He’s giving you “the space” to do that, and instead of being insecure about it or trying to control things, show him you’re a better person than the one he broke up with and for that reason he can expect a better relationship than the one the two of you had.

Remember: What you pay attention to, becomes your reality!

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  • Rebecca says:

    Yangki, why don’t you just block Nae. That’s what I do with people like that. Block them, simple.

    • Love Doctor, Yangki Christine Akiteng Love Doctor, Yangki Christine Akiteng says:

      There are some valid reasons why two people should never get back together. If someone abused you or pointed a gun at you for example, it is wise not to get back together. But saying “NEVER a valid reason to get back together with an ex” is too much generalization. Sounds like something coming from a place of bitterness.

      Believe it or not, it is possible to have a better relationship after a break-up.

      Have you considered that may be you are the problem… after all, you are the only common denominator in all those relationships. Just saying…


      I completely agree with you. I should. But this is a site for second and third chances after all… :)

      Give someone a chance to prove they’ve changed, but if they prove they haven’t, well… let them go!

  • Nae says:

    I’ve contacted my ex under different names and email addresses. He blocked me for almost 3 months because I contacted him over 1000 times. He said he traced my IP address to Mt Laurel, NJ and now he does not want me back because I play stupid mind games. He has blocked me again and warned me he will expose me if I keep contacting him with different names and email addresses. Have I completely ruined my chances?


      Yes. People give us many chances but if we keep abusing our chances, we get what we deserve.

      The unfortunate thing is sometimes we can’t help ourselves. You’ve done the same thing here on my site… different names and email address… Katie, Cheryl, Angela etc… and now Nae complete with an avatar of a black girl who looks like me (when I was 12). More mind games… :(

      We’ve tried to send you several emails but since you use fake email addresses, we figured out you never received any of them, or did, but just can’t help yourself.

      People are smarter than you think. They’ll figure you out and be turned off — or play the player (see article: Playing Mind Games – Why It Works?)

      Please just stop the mind games, and may be you’ll have a better chance of attracting true love (other than the ones who just want to get into your pants, as per your previous comments).


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