When Do You Stop Trying To Get Back Your Ex?

Anyone who has tried to get back their ex knows too well that this is not something you can achieve with a single action or random number of actions. It takes time, good strategic planning, and sometimes it’s one step forward and two backwards. Other times you feel like you’re getting mixed signals.

Many tend to give up after just one or two attempts and others stubbornly persist to the point of becoming so annoying that their ex is frightened of them — and even gets a restraining order.

When do you persist and refuse to take “no” for an answer, and when do you just quit and move on?

I personally believe that it all depends on a lot of factors. In some situations persistence pays off and in others, persistence can be a major turn off.

If for example, you try to reach out the first time and there is no response, try a couple more times. Your ex might be out of town or in a place he/she can’t call/text back. There are also people who take a “let’s see” approach because they don’t trust that you’ll follow through and not just give up. Kind of like a test. A little persistence may pay off.

But if after 3 or 4 attempts and still no response of any kind, then you get the message; they’re simply not interested. Someone who is interested will at least try to give you some encouragement to keep persisting.

If on the other hand, the response is rude, mean or says “leave me alone”(this is not the same as I need some space), no amount of persistence will pay off. It’s best to accept that it’s over and move on.

In some cases the response can be very random and far and in-between. In such situations the extent, manner, and frequency with which you persist has to be moderated by a realistic assessment of the situation and a commons sense approach. You can choose to be persistent sometimes and other times it’s best to step back, let go and allow things to be as they should. This is what I call “non-attached” persistence.

“Non-attached” persistence means that you’re 100% actively engaged in trying to get your ex back but your life and happiness is not dependent on things going the way you want them to. If you take two steps forward and get pushed a step back, that’s okay. You keep going until it’s very clear that there is no path ahead, then you give up.

Try it and see how far you can get. You just never know. Just keep your heart and mind open to the fact that it may go the way you want it to, and it may not.

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Hi Yangki
Can you explain further by not give up but let go?

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Me and my ex have stayed friends. We never fought, but one day he said the love was just gone. He insists that he wants us to be friends, and even flirts with me on occasion. When I bring up getting back together, its a no go for him. But he keeps staying in touch, and insists that he doesn’t want me to not be his friend. Is he just selfish? I strongly believe that he just freaked out about taking the next step, and wanted to focus on his career, but when do I quit? It has been almost 8 months since he ended it, but I still love him.

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