5 Signs A Man Or Woman Is Into You

signs-he-she-is-nto-you-just-not-showing-itRelationships, especially new relationships thrive on mystery, unfamiliarity, and the thrill of the chase — what has come to be known as “playing hard to get”.

Personally, I think every relationship new or old should have a little bit of “play” in it, to keep things exciting and interesting. But as I’ve written elsewhere, “play” is only fun when both people know 1) it’s a game, 2) when and how the game is played, and 3) are having fun playing.

If you are confused about what’s going on, and/or aren’t having fun, you are not “playing”, you are “being played”.

Sometimes, however, it is hard to know what is what.

1) Is the person interested but trying not to show that he/she is overly eager?

2) Is he/she just enjoying the chase because it makes him/her feel good about him/herself?

3) Is he/she just not interested, but you think they are playing hard to get?

One example of a behaviour that can be confusing especially early in the relationship is when s/he says s/he’ll phone later or tomorrow and doesn’t.

1) There may be justifiable reasons why someone may fail to call when they say they will, and we all have had those times.

2) He/she may actually have wanted to call but got cold feet, or thought it might appear too “needy”.

3) He/she had no intention of calling but wanted you to hope and wait.

One way you can tell what is what is by the “excuse” a person gives for not calling.  For example if a person says, “Sorry, I was terribly tired” or “Sorry, I went out with friends” or “Sorry, I completely forgot” or any other excuse that makes you think “would a 30-second call to tell me you couldn’t talk have killed you?”, don’t ignore the warning signs or try to squash down your inner voice.

Such seemingly insignificant words, even if made early in the relationship, reveal something about his or her attitude towards you and the relationship. If a person is really that into you, he or she will move a mountain if that is what is standing between them and a phone. I have had perfect strangers borrow my cell phone to call and let someone know that they can’t call or talk as they’d promised.

So how do you tell someone who is interested but trying not to show from someone who is just playing minds games with you?

1. Someone who is interested makes a real effort to show you that they like you. Their compliments are sincere and make you feel good.

With someone playing mind games, you are not even sure they genuinely like you. They throw you a few choice words that sound empty both in sincerity and in emotion. Even their compliments make you ask yourself, “Really? Am I that hot/sexy/brilliant?” because deep inside you know the compliment isn’t sincere.

2. Someone who likes you but is trying not to come across as needy wants you to and encourages you to text/call him/her — and he/she responds.

You may be the one doing most of the texting/calling, and they may come across as nervous or “in a hurry to go”, but the conversations end with you feeling good that you called — and looking forward to the next call/chat.

The person playing mind games is most of the time unreachable. When you finally get hold of them, you quickly wish you never called. Either they are cold and distant and some how you start feeling “needy and clingy”, or they seem all excited to hear from you and act as if everything is great between the two of you. The want you to feel stupid/needy for trying so hard to get hold of them.

Most of the time you are not sure if and when you will speak or see them again.

3. A man or woman trying not to appear too eager will try to show in small ways that you are the only person they are interested in. They’ll “accidentally” mention that they are single, they are not dating anyone else, or that they are not in a serious relationship.

The person playing mind games will hide their “relationship status” from you. They may even try to make you “jealous” by telling you or  showing you that they are wanted and being chased by many others. They want you to know that they are doing you a favour, just in case you thinking of complaining about them being unreachable or hard to pin down.

4. Someone interested will make a sincere effort to get to know you as a person: asks personal questions about you, your work, your family or your day. He or she remembers things you say and let’s you know that what you tell them about you is important and interesting. If you ask questions about them, they’ll give it willingly and happily because they think it’ll make you get to know them and like them back.

Someone playing mind games will not volunteer much personal information, and when you ask, you are told this and that and nothing specific. But they want o hear “about you” so they can use if to manipulate you even more. If you try to do your own “psychoanalysis” and ask them about things you’ve told them about you, you’ll find that they remember “selectively” and not the details. And they’re not slightly embarrassed that they don’t “remember” things that are so important to you.

5. With someone interested in you, the signs that he/she really likes you increase with time. They look/stare at you more.  They try to talk to /compliment you more. They ask you out more.  They increasingly do things that they know you’ll like. You get the feeling they want you to really like them, and that they want to spend more and more time with you.

With some playing mind games, their “interest” in you wanes with time. They don’t make any effort to make you like them more (and sometimes are plain mean and callous), and become even more unreachable and harder to pin down.

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  • My ex also told me he loved me but wasn’t in love with me anymore. I decided the only way I was going to get over him was to completely stop all contact. After a week I missed him so much and texted him. He still wanted to be friends. We met for drinks and one thing led to another and we had sex. He wants us to meet for sex again but with no expectations of getting back together. Is he playing hard to get or I’m I wasting my emotions?

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    • I don’t think he’s playing hard to get, I think he wants sex. Tell him you are open to meeting for drinks and spending time together with no expectations of sex and see what happens. I suspect you’ll never hear from him again. Better to find out and be sure. What have you got to lose?

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  • basically my ex broke it of 3 weeks ago. i asked her if we can work on us but she does not want. she wants no contact and also she is moving away to make things easier on us both. she wants me to move on. i still love her and want her back, and i think she does too i just think she is scared of losing me forever if it didnt work out. well thats wot she says anyway. i also found out she goes on dates and is interested in one guy, she says they are just friends but her friend told me he really likes him. i dont know what to do, we were friends and that but i want more please help.

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    • I am sorry, I just don’t buy into the excuse she’s giving you. Sounds like what most exes say not to hurt your feelings. If she knows that it’s her, then why does she want you to move on instead of her staying and “fixing her.” Common sense would be, if she works on why she’s scared then you can try to make the relationship work. But she’s not even giving the two of you that option. I think there is more than what she’s telling you, and unfortunately, you can’t try and fix what you don’t know.

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  • My ex of 7 years broke up with me because according to him we had grown apart and become two very different people. We are still in contact and he says I’m still the most special person in him life, but he does not know if we can be right for each other again.

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    • I think that it’s possible to make it work again even though the relationship ended because you grew apart and wanted different things out of life. The important thing is that you both recognize what happened, redefine what’s important based on the new reality and are willing to work hard to find that special connection again.

      That you are still the most special person in his life is already a great place o start. Your approach should not be to try to convince him that you want the same things in life, but demonstrate to him that there can be a future in which you find yourselves wanting the same things again. It’s impossible to do that if you are not trying to make your own life better.

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  • Withholding attention and affection is a form of emotional abuse. My ex did it with me, being vague when I asked her what she was doing, always ending the conversation with “I have plans” and that kind of thing. I was ready to do anything to get her back but that changed my mind.

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    • Thank you for saying it so plainly and sensibly. I always tell people trying to get their ex back, the minute you withhold attention and affection from someone who is already loosely attached or during a period of uncertainty, you are on your own.

      If you have to be blackmailed into coming back to or stay in a relationship, something is already so wrong with that dynamic – you’re better off on your own.

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  • Getting back your ex so much harder than moving on. Even if I could believe that I can get her back and that there is a future for us, to me the path currently looks like a dark tunnel with no exit. I keep telling myself that it’s better to give up now and start with a new person. But I’ve been out almost every night for the last couple of months and none of these women even comes close to my ex. I’m obviously not over her, but at this point, I don’t have a choice.

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    • Getting your ex is hard, let no one tell you otherwise. But getting your ex back is also possible, and happens a lot more often than many people think.

      I don’t know what your situation is… may be it is really over, may be you are just not trying hard enouhg, may be you are trying hard but using the wrong tools and strategies…

      But giving up and running off to start with a new person doesn’t mean you’re going to be guaranteed a success. It’ s better to work your success from where you are, than trying to run away from yourself.

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