Sunday October 4th 2015

Facts About Rebound Relationships [Will It Last?]

Love-Doctor-27I’ll be discussing this topic in a few more posts in the coming weeks, but since “rebound relationships” is the theme of the latest comments, I thought it’d help clarify a few things about rebound relationships.

What is a rebound relationship?

1) A relationship proceeding a long-term relationship, usually short in duration and used to help mend the “broken heart.”

2) A relationship in which a person becomes involved with a new partner to prove to themselves they are worthy of love and affection

3) A relationship in which a person quickly gets involved with a new partner to prove to an ex that they have indeed moved on.

What makes a relationship a rebound relationship?

A rebound relationship is easy to spot and recognize for what it is. It’s a band aid for unresolved pain and the trauma of going through rejection, feeling unwanted or becoming single again. This is true whether one is the dumped or the dumpee.

For people who have an especially hard time moving on after a breakup, it serves as a distraction from moping, obsessing, and even stalking an ex. For others, it is about companionship – someone to spend evenings, weekends, go to parties with, email, call and text. And sometimes it is about sex – just to satisfy the physical desires and nothing more.

Most rebound relationships do not last. How long a rebound relationship lasts depends on:

1) The emotional stability and availability of the person who just left a relationship.

Someone “on the rebound” is often incapable of making a genuine emotional connection with the new partner because of emotional baggage from the break-up – lingering feelings for an ex or unresolved problems from the previous relationship. This ultimately causes the new relationship to struggle and eventually end.

2) The desire to continue distracting oneself from the pain of a break up.

Some people on a rebound after sometime realize that they can’t go on trying to run away from pain. They decide it’s time to eliminate the distraction (rebound relationship) and start the emotional healing and recovery.

3) How long it takes for the “new” man or woman to realize and accept that he/she is a rebound man/woman.

Most people being used as a distraction eventually realizes that the one on the rebound isn’t really ready/emotionally available for a relationship and often end the rebound relationship.

*** It’s important though to understand that not every new relationship after a break-up is always necessarily a “rebound” relationship.

An ex may have actually moved on from you (even if you haven’t) before he/she entered a new relationship. Some people move on in as quickly as hours, especially if they’d already emotionally moved on (lost that “in love” feeling) long before the break-up. Others break-up to be with someone they’ve been interested in/casually seeing for months. So even if it may look like a “new relationship”, the interest and feelings have been there for weeks/months and grown deeper, stronger and stable with time.

And if  two people have a genuinely good connection and are open and hones about their baggage from a just ended relationship, these new relationships can and do last.

If you have recently broken up and your ex is already in a new relationship, what you need to do is study the situation very carefully.

1) Why and how did you break up?

2) How did you handle the post-break up period?

3) How soon after you broke up did your ex enter a new relationship?

4) Is the “new” man or woman someone your ex has been interested in/casually seeing for months or someone who seemed to have just appeared from nowhere?

5) Is the new relationship struggling?

6) Is your ex spending more time and effort staying in contact with you than nurturing the new relationship? Etc.

If it is indeed a rebound relationship, consider it buying you time to improve on yourself and be better positioned to offer your ex a different and improved relationship. At the end of the day, it’s not the end of a rebound relationship that’ll make an ex who still has feelings for you come back to you. It’s the value and attractiveness of what you offer.

But if there are all signs that your ex has indeed moved on from you and happy with the new relationship, then it’s time for you to move on too. Don’t just sit there waiting for the new relationship to end because you’ve heard that all new relationships after a break-up are rebound relationships, are unhappy and will not last. The “rebound relationship” may indeed end, but your ex may move on to someone else (not you)!

What you do when you find out your ex is dating someone new sometimes plays a big role in how long the new relationship will last —  and if you can/will get your ex back.

Readers' Questions and The Love Doctor's Answers...

135 Responses to “Facts About Rebound Relationships [Will It Last?]”

  1. Natt says:

    I agree with this article. There is no golden rule that says that because your ex is dating someone else that it is a rebound and doomed to fail. My “rebound” relationship lasted 5 years. It was definitely better than my last relationship and I have no regrets I met this person less than a week after I broke up with my ex. We both needed each other and became better partners as a result.

  2. saria says:

    My ex’s rebound relationship seems to be going strong. He started dating her 2 weeks after we broke up and they have been together for 2 years. They both seem very happy and a friend recently told me they are planning to buy a home together. It still hurts to know that he was over me so quickly.

  3. It does hurt. But you are not doing yourself a favour “monitoring” how they are doing. Since it looks like they are going to be together a long time, it’s time for you to move on with your life and leave this behind you.

    I know, not easy… You owe this to yourself.

  4. scopigirl says:

    This makes sense. My ex left me for a woman he barely knew. Theirs could be considered a rebound relationship because he moved in with her just weeks after we broke up, but they’ve been together for over 3 years now. Looking back, I can see he had emotionally checked out of our relationship long before we broke up and she just happened to be the one he fell for.

  5. Payton says:

    My ex broke things off with me, he wanted to remain friends but I told him I cannot be his friend now, and I didn’t know when or if I would be able to. Now 3 months ago later I think I want him back, but he now has a new woman in his life. She knows about me and since we have mutual acquaintances we bump into each other once in a while. I try to avoid them as much as I can, but I can’t stop thinking about my ex. I’ve thought about telling him how I feel, but I’m afraid it’ll only make things more weird. What should I do?

  6. I don’t know if telling him how you feel is going to change the fact that he is in a relationship. Getting it off your chest might help you feel better and may be, may be if he still has feelings for you, might give him the courage to follow those feelings.

    Telling him you still have feelings for him when he is in another relationship is a risk with potential benefit and potential further hurt. This is why only you can decide whether to take the risk or not. If you do decide to tell him, be prepared for the fact that he may not still have feelings for you/has indeed moved on from you.

  7. The Watcher says:

    One of the most insightful articles on relationships! Thanks

  8. Blu says:

    Is it possible to be over someone before you actually breakup? My ex started dating this woman while we were still together. I found out and he broke up with me. I contacted her and told her he was still with me when he started dating her. She said he told her he was over me even when we were still together. Is that possible or is he just lying to her as well?

  9. It is possible. Like the article says, sometimes someone can “move on” emotionally but not have the courage to end the relationship.

    But whether he was over you as he said or is lying to her, why is that even your business? It is only your business if he is saying he wants to be with you. The question then is, do you want to take back someone who dated someone else while still with you?

    But it seems that’s not the case. He is with her and if she believes him and wants to be with him, let them be.

  10. Crystal says:

    It is very painful knowing that someone you love is with someone else. But he still texts and wants to come over. I have resisted so far but he tells me he loves my body and thinks about me when he in bed with her. Do you think that he is maybe getting bored with this relationship? What can I do to make him desire me more than he desires her?

  11. May be he is getting bored, and may be not. As long as he is with her, him texting you means little. He may just be looking for some piece on the side.

    My suggestion is for you to take care of your own happiness, and if down the road they do break-up and you still want him back, then great! Otherwise any attempts to break them up, may just draw them even closer.

  12. Tina says:

    My ex went back to his ex before me. He tried to get her back before and she would not take him back. Six months later we met and we were together for 3 years. Now he is back with her. I still love him and it hurts so much that they are back together. Why didn’t he pursue me the way he pursued her? What was it about her that he could not let go? I wonder if she knows we are over because the breakup happened only a month ago. His FB status still had a picture of us until about two weeks ago.

  13. I don’t know why he didn’t pursue you. I don’t know what it is about her that he went back to. But I do know that you are spinning your mind thinking about stuff that you won’t get answers to, unless of course he gives them to you himself (which I highly doubt he will). The rest of us can speculate, give you our opinions, and try to make you feel good by taking your side, but that’s all we can do.

    The healing and moving on starts with you. The more you focus on him and “their” relationship, the less time you have to focus on you — and your healing.

  14. Dan says:

    I opened 5 or 6 websites talking about rebound relationships, and this one was the only one that taught me something new. When I read that note about people rebounding “to prove to themselves they are worthy of love and affection,” a light bulb went on. That may be me, and if there’s even a question, I’m probably not ready. And that’s fine — I’d rather deal with that now than later, after I’ve dragged someone else into it. Thanks for your help, Yangki!

  15. Danni says:

    Yangki, I read in your eBook that just because there is someone else doesn’t always mean you do not have a chance. My ex and I were together for 2.5 years before he broke with me. We had no contact for 2 months, then I got in touch with him. Over the course of our texts he told me he was dating someone, and as you advised I asked him if it was serious. He said they had only been seeing each other for 3 weeks. Fast forward, he and I have been texting, talking on phone and gone out for drinks a couple of times. He says he’s not sure whether he wants to be with her or me, he has feelings for both of us. I feel like I am being put on hold until he figures out what he wants. Any insights will really help.

  16. You are right in that you are being put on hold until he figures out what he wants. The question is, are you okay with that? The reason I ask is because I have worked with some people who are okay with it and those who aren’t. In some cases, it’s worked out to their advantage in that over time it became very clear to their ex who he/she wanted to be with. In others, the ex chose the other person over them.

    It’s important when making the decision to keep in mind that this is not just HIS relationship, it’s yours too. Do not put up with what he wants if you do not feel that your needs are being met or that by being put in this position, you are not being respected.

  17. tigress says:

    This makes a lot of sense. We met a week after my divorce and he had just ended a 4 year relationship. We found out we had a lot in common and hit it off immediately. Both my friends and family, and his friends and family said we should have taken more time being single, but we both felt we had finally found the one. 4 years later, some ups and downs here and there, but we still feel the same way about each other.

  18. Anand says:

    We dated for 11 months, then she broke up with me because she was not feeling in love anymore. We remained in contact until she met someone else. I told her I could not be her friend and wanted no contact. After 2 months of no contact, I contacted her because I heard she had broken up with the new guy. We started talking and hanging out. One day she let it out that she was seeing another guy, a different one. I didn’t ask her about him for about a month, in which time we continued hanging out. Eventually, I couldn’t pretend I didn’t know about her other guy, and asked her where we stand. She said she not sure about the other guy and doesn’t know about us. But also said she can not imagine her life without me.

    I’m curious as to 1) why she continues to hang out with me when she’s seeing someone else and 2) why she says she can not imagine her life without me?

  19. The answer to both of your questions is… because you are her friend… like in ‘”just a friend”.

    I know like most, you have told yourself that this means that she’s not happy with the other guy and will leave him, and come back to you. But let me paint the picture for you… she broke up with you because she was not feeling in love anymore… while you were hanging out, she goes and finds herself someone else… she says she doesn’t know about the two of you… but wants you in her life. Translation, “you are a very dear friend and I like you a lot, but you are NOT the one.”

    But something tells me, you’ve heard “you’re just her friend” from other people too, but you don’t believe it, and probably aren’t going to believe me either. That you are going to continue “waiting” hoping that the tide will eventually blow you way.

  20. Anand says:

    You are probably right that she now sees me just a friend. My friends and my whole family wonder why I still want her in my life. I love her and I know she cares about me. I just don’t know why she’s doing this to me. What do you suggest I do to get out of the friend zone?

  21. I was hoping you’d ask me that. Stop “circling” around her like a scared puppy. If she’s interested in you as more than “just a friend”, she’s probably waiting for you to stop acting like her female friend and start engaging her as “a man who is interested in a woman”.

    If she only wants you around as a friend, showing her that you want more than friendship is going to force her to have to tell you directly why she’s keeping you around. You can then decide if you want to continue being just friends or not. It becomes your decision as well, not just hers, which is the case right now.

    In other words, stop playing safe. Take some risks and let the chips fall where they may. The way things are, you really have nothing to lose. Of course, it’s possible that you’ll lose her friendship if she feels “weird” that you’re interested in her in a sexual way, but is it really a “friendship” if you are unhappy with the current arrangement and she’s perfectly okay with it?

  22. Trilea says:

    Our breakup was about 7 weeks ago. It was a very messy breakup with lots of shouting and arguments. After one week of no contact, I sent him a text saying that with no contact for sometimes we can at least become friends down the road. He agreed. I didn’t contact him whatsover, and over the last several weeks I’ve been feeling really good about myself. I had planned to contact him in a month as we had agreed, but yesterday I received a text from him asking how I was. I debated whether to respond or not, but decided to. I told him I was doing fine and asked him what he had been up to. That’s when he told me he has been seeing someone for three weeks and he has never felt this way about someone. He told me he felt he needed t tell me because he still hoped we could be friends at some point. What was the need for him to contact me just to tell me this? What does he expects me to do?

  23. I don’t know why he felt the need to contact you to tell you about his new woman or what he expects you to do.

    1. It could be something he did as someone who genuinely thinks of you as a friend to share his happiness with. Based on your story, a friendship is what he agreed to, and not that you will get back together down the road.

    2. It could be because he thought you might still be hoping to get back together and wanted you to move on.

    3. It could be he wanted to make you feel bad or hurt you for whatever reason, including the fact that he might have expected you to contact him sooner and you didn’t.

    It could be any number of reasons. But why he did what he did does not matter at this point. What matters is you now know that you are not getting back together, and it’s good time for you to find happiness with someone else too.

  24. Anna says:

    I didn’t think my partner entered our current relationship trying to rebound since he had been single for 2 years before we met, but I’ve learned he told his ex he loves her after a few years into our relationship. Thinking back, he was never as emotionally available as I’d hoped he’d be.

    Thank you for this article, I realize now that he wasn’t over her yet and I am more than likely a rebound.

  25. Nico says:

    Me and my ex broke up over 3 months ago and I have a hard time getting over the fact that she dumped me the same day she told me he loved me very much. Every time I ask her if she doesn’t love me anymore, she says her feelings have not changed, but she does not think we can be in a relationship. I pushed her away and want another chance to show her how much I love her, but I don’t think that is possible anymore. She is seeing someone else and now wants no contact with me because I interfer too much in their relationship. Do you think it’s a rebound relationship, and if so, what should I do to get her back?

  26. 1. It’s possible to love someone and not want to be in a relationship with him/her. Love is something that happens to us, we don’t control it. A relationship is another story. We consciously choose we want to be in a relationship with. It’s a logical decision we make based on a number of reasons.

    2. I can’t say whether it is a rebound relationship or not. As the article says, not every relationship after a break-up is necessarily a rebound relationship.Time will tell.

    3. I think that you’ve probably “done” too much already, and that’s why she’s decided it’s best not to have any more contact. When someone says they want no contact, have some self-respect and grant them their wish.

    The best you can do is let their relationship run it’s course (without you interfering in it). If it’s a rebound, it will end soon enough, but don’t hold your breathe. Take time to work on you. IF she comes back and you still want her (logical choice you have to make at the time), you’ll be in a better position for a better relationship.

    There are no guarantees in these kind of situations, but I’ve seen people in similar situations make it work.

  27. Dale says:

    Thanks you for this article. My ex and I began contacting each other again after 5 months of no contact. I was broken by the breakup and asked that he don’t contact me for 3 months. I then reached out to him. At first he was reluctant but I persisted and we began texting regularly. That’s when he told me he had a girlfriend but that he’s still in love with me. Being with this other woman has showed him how much he took me for granted. He says he wants to breakup with her but needs time to do it his own way. Everyone says he’s playing me and I should just move on/ What do you think?

  28. I think that if you believe him, then give him the time he needs to end the other relationship. It may be to your best interest to ask him how much time he needs. His response will give you insight as to whether he really means it or just trying to eat his cake and have it too.

    If he gives you a time period, it means he’s serious about it. You have a time frame to work with. If he dodges the question or acts upset, it’s because he does not want to be held to any accountability. You could be “waiting” for ever.

  29. Lemukol says:

    I was the rebound after his ex of 4 years left him. We were together for 11 months when she came back into the picture. He said he was torn but decided she was the one he wanted to be with. They are back together and planning a wedding. I’m deeply hurt as I still love him but I wish them all the best. I will someday find my “one” and this will all be a thing of the past.

  30. I’m really sorry this happened to you. But like you said, someday someone will come along who will choose you as “the one.” Hang in there.

  31. Erick C. says:

    This is well informed and thoughtful article. My ex got in a rebound relationship a month after we broke up. I found out that she had been texting this guy for months while we were still together, but only started going out with him after we broke up. I was hurt by it but I had hurt her by sleeping with someone else, and that’s why she ended the relationship. We text each other everyday but mostly I’m focusing on working on myself. I think that she’s seeing the change in me because for the first time the other day, she asked me if I think of us and why we never communicated the way we do while we were together. I told her I didn’t know how then, and she said neither did she, but glad that we still talking. Then she said she thinks she’s got in the same pattern with this other guy that we had and she blames herself. Even though I KNOW nothing is certain, I have a clear advantage because I KNOW what she wants in a partner and working on being that partner for her. Your article and book have been a great help.

  32. Unless the relationship is serious or they’ve been together for over a year, the presence of another man or woman doesn’t mean you can not get back your ex.

    I think that you have the right mindset and are set in the right direction. All the very best!

  33. Hillier says:

    Yangki, I contacted you about my situation with ex in a rebound relationship just over two and a half months ago. She said she had moved on and wanted me to move on too, but you told me her actions said something else. I took your advice and continued contact with her. Three weeks ago, the rebound relationship ended. Initially she told me she just wanted to be on her own to deal with the issues with herself. I told her I understand and will respect her wish. Two days later she texted me and asked if I wanted to go out for a drink, which I did. For the last week, we have texted each other everyday and have long chats. Although I’m pleased with the new turn of events, I can’t but help feel that she’s using me to get over him just like she used him to get over me. I want her back but don’t want to be another rebound?

  34. I agree with you, you have good reason to be concerned. Continue talking and seeing her, but do not rush into anything. If she asks you why you are holding back, be honest and tell her you don’t want to be another rebound. If she’s in it for the long haul, she’ll understand.

    If it’s just another rebound, she’ll act up or disappear hoping that you will go after her. Don’t. If she’s not capable of sticking it out and working with you to make the relationship work, she’s not worth it. Let her run from one rebound to another. At some point she’ll have to deal with her issues.

  35. Nina says:

    My ex treated me like crap but I still love him and want him back. I contacted him only for him to tell me he doesn’t want to come back and I should move on. He said he doesn’t have time for me because he has a new woman in his life. He has only been seeing her for like two weeks, but before that he texted and called me every two days asking if he could come over. Do you think he means what he says about not wanting me back. He has said these things before and came back.

  36. You’ve probably heard the saying: The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour.

    If in the past he’s said he doesn’t want to come back and you should move on and he came back, chances are very high that he doesn’t mean what he’s saying. He will come back.

    And if we go by his past behaviour, when he comes back, he’ll still treat you like crap.

  37. Ceendee says:

    I was hoping that time and space will bring us back together. But it now seems unlikely as he is in a relationship with a woman he’s been friends with for years. I pleaded and begged him to come back and stopped when I realized I was pushing him away. He says he still loves me, but just in a different way now. I still want him back. Do you think I have a chance?

  38. If he still loves you, you may have a chance, but it depends on how serious things are with the other woman. If they were friends for years, the relationship may last simply because they already “know” each other well. But it may also not work out for that very reason.

    If he’s still open to contact, keep it light and friendly while you work on the things that made him change his mind about you. Don’t try to get between him and the other woman, let that relationship run its course.

    But as I’ve everyone else here in the same situation, go out and date other people if you want to. Don’t put your life on hold… for what may never happen.

  39. Tracy L. says:

    My ex of 7 years said he wanted a break. I asked him how much time he needed and he said he didn’t know. I told him that was okay, and to contact me when he was ready. In the meantime, I decided to join an online dating site just for the fun of it to see what was out there. I had no intention of getting into a relationship, but then I met someone I really like. We’ve been seeing each other every weekend. But a couple of days ago, my ex contacted me. I had not heard from him for over 2 months. He says he wants to talk abut how to we can fix our relationship. I still love him, we were together 7 years, but I’m not sure if I want to get back with him. I also don’t know if I should tell him about the other guy. I have a lot of fun with the other guy, but at this point it’s just a good time relationship. I don’t know what to do. Btw, we’re both in our late 40s.

  40. Kelly Jo says:

    I found out that my ex started dating. I haven’t contacted him for 3 months and he hasn’t contacted me either. I still love him and want to have another chance together. Is it too late?

  41. There is only one way to find out…. contact him. If he responds and continues responding, may be it’s not too late. If he ignores your first, second, or third attempt to make contact, then you know that it’s too late.

  42. You don’t have to make a decision to get back together right away. Be upfront with him about how your feelings have changed in the last 2 months he was AWOL. If after hearing him out on how he thinks the two of you can fix the relationship, you think there might be a possibility, start things off very, very slowly. Just because someone has been away for 2 months doesn’t mean things will be different… in my experience, it always means exactly the opposite.

    Be upfront about the other guy too. No need to go into the details of a “fun relationship”, but let him know there is someone else. It’s also decent to inform the other guy that you are talking to your ex again — and the nature of your “relationship”.

    Bottom line, don’t make a rush decision either way. Things may work out with your ex, or they may not. The new relationship with the new guy might last, or it might now. Only time will tell. But don’t keep both men hanging on for too long. That’s just cruel.

  43. Zoe says:

    Good article and good timing for me. I just found out my ex is seeing another woman. I was going to cut off all contact because I thought it meant it was completely over for us. After reading this article, I’m determined to fight for him.

  44. If the relationship just started, it means that he’s probably just getting to know her and hasn’t made up his mind if she’s “the one” or not.

    If you still have the desire to fight for your man, and he’s open to contact, go get him! Just make sure you are giving yourself the best possible chance. What you had isn’t good enough anymore. She represents “new”, you better show up “new” as well (worked on yourself).

  45. Anwar says:

    Yangki, my ex broke up with me and is now in a new relationship. I was angry and mostly blamed the other guy for our breakup. I told her not to contact me as long as she’s with him. But upon spending lots and lots of time on your blog, I realized that the problem is not the other guy. The problem is that we both never expressed our feelings. I reacted to situations by withdrawing and burying myself in my job, and she chose to end the relationship. I have since reached out to her and the response has been positive, which surprised me given that I had told her never to contact me.
    I have work to do on myself and hopefully with your advice, I will be able to win her back.

  46. The positive response is a good sign. There is still more work to do, but if you go with the mindset you have and do what needs to be done, things will work themselves out.

    I just wish many more people would realize what you realized, take responsibility for their share in the relationship ending, put pride aside and give love a chance.

  47. Lucia says:

    Me and ex broke up last summer. We both right away got into new relationships. He after 2 months and me after 5. His rebound relationship ended within a month and mine after 2 months. I texted him first and we started dating again. We’ve never been happier. Sometimes a rebound is what you both need to realize that the other person is your one and only.

  48. Morse says:

    I like the positive tone of this article. I broke up with my ex eight months ago. She wanted no contact but at the time I didn’t understand why she didn’t want to talk to me. I overwhelmed her with texts and calls and she told me she wanted no contact, so I left her alone. Three months later I met my current girlfriend and fell in love again. About a month ago my ex contacted me, and we have been texting back and forth. I still have strong feelings for her but I also have strong feelings for my girlfriend. I am not trying to give her false hope, I am genuinely torn right now.

  49. It’s a tough place to be in. It’s not up to me to decide what’s best for you, but I think that you are putting yourself in a situation where you may find yourself without either woman.

    My suggestion is sit down with your ex face-to-face, and have a really good talk about everything. Ask her directly what has changed. Don’t fall for “I’ve been thinking…” or “I now see (more clearly)”. Introspection is not the same as change. And don’t buy into promises to change either. You may find that nothing has really changed, and you’ll find yourselves in the same situation once again.

    The sooner you make a decision the better for everyone involved.

  50. Chelsea says:

    I think it depends on the people involved. I met my now boyfriend 3 weeks after my ex and I broke up and everyone said it was a rebound. We’ve been together for 3 years and planning on getting married in 6 months.

  51. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!

    Precisely why I wrote the article. There is a misconception out there that every relationship immediately after a break-up will not last. You are proof that it depends on the two people involved, and on the relationship.

    I wish you all the love marriage brings…:)

  52. Penny says:

    I agree with the comment that it depends on the tow people involved. My ex met someone less than a month after we broke up and within a year they were married. I was with him for 4 years and he said he was not ready to commit. I feel deeply hurt but I’m also accepting that he wasn’t the one. There is someone out there for me.

  53. Logan says:

    Ex and I broke up 4 months ago. We had no contact for a couple of months. I contacted her and she said she’s okay with us being friends but not lovers. We have been texting and calling each other, but I recently found out that her rebound man broke up just 2 weeks before I contacted her. Is she just using me for emotional comfort and attention or I’m a rebound?

  54. It’s possible she’s using you for emotional comfort, but until she tells you she wants you back, I don’t see how you are a rebound. For it to be a rebound, she has to express interest in wanting you back.

    There is also a third possibility you may have not considered. She thinks you are just friends — and you are okay with it.

    In my eBook, I advice against offering to be “just friends” because it makes harder to later transition to “lovers”. BUT… I also say if it’s offered to you, do not reject it. Take it as “opportunity/space for you to try to get your ex interested in you again”. How you use that opportunity/space could make all the difference.

  55. Logan says:

    Thank you for your quick reply. I think that you may be right that she now sees me as a friend. I just bought your book and will follow your advice. I still have a question. How do I know that I’m not just being used?

  56. PrinceT. says:

    She broke up with me 4 months ago, started dating another guy and now she says she wants me back. I asked her about her other guy and she said he was terrible. This has been the pattern for the last 3 years. We broke up twice last year and each time she dated other guys. We’ve been off and on so many times that although I still have feelings for her, I’m not sure I want her back this time. Any advice?

  57. I don’t believe you’re serious about not wanting her back. You wouldn’t be asking for advice. I think you wish there was some way to stop/break this pattern. To break the pattern you have to understand why it’s there in the first place. But since you didn’t tell me why you break up or how you got back together in the past, I can’t offer specific insight into your situation. I want to help, so give me something more to work with.

  58. PrinceT. says:

    You’re right and if I am totally honest I am no where near being over her. We have been together on and off. for over 7 years. We don’t get into big fights and if we fight we usually talk about it and all is well. Her problem is that she does not feel with me the butterflies in the belly. She loves me but I don’t excite her anymore.

    The way we get back together is that I don’t contact her for several weeks or months when she’s with the other guys. She contacts me and pursues me and we get back together but we breakup again, that’s why I’m calling it a pattern. I want to break the pattern because this is the woman I want to marry. I appreciate your help.

  59. The first thing you should do when she contacts you is respond but not agree to get back into a relationship immediately. Tell her you want to talk about this pattern you have fallen into. Make it very clear to her that if you can’t work on why she runs off to another guy every time she wants to feel a certain way, you don’t want a relationship. She has as much stake in this as you do, so don’t be afraid to negotiate and don’t be afraid to hear the truth of what she has to say.

    Ask her to break it down in specific verbs the kind of attention she needs from you. See if what she wants is reasonable and if it’s something you can give her. Then work on making her feel those feelings she wants to feel — the key word is FEEL. If even after you give her what she wants, she still runs to another guy, let her go. At least you know it wasn’t for lack of trying.

    If after you find out what she needs from you, you feel that you need help, I’m happy to work one-on-one with you.

    Good luck.

  60. Tickler says:

    I am in a some what similar situation. Her ex is now all of a sudden back in the picture. They broke up last year and agreed to remain friends and see what happened. That’s when she and I hooked up. Things were really cool until he showed up. She talks to him everyday and tells me about it. This has been going on for 2 months. We constantly argue about her calling him in the middle of the night every time we have a fight. She wants me to convince her not to talk to him anymore because he’s trying to convince her to break up with me. I just don’t know if I can fight for a relationship this way. I’m not even sure what kind of help I need.

  61. Most people in your situation would feel the way you do. She may be using him to keep you on your toes by letting you know that another option is there for her, and doing the same thing to him that she’s doing to you.

    If she really wanted him back, she’d be with him. She wouldn’t tell you to convince her not to talk to him anymore. Whether or not she’ll go back to him should be the least of your worries. This woman sounds very immature and insecure, someone who wants you to have to constantly defend your turf. This should be a red flag for you. May be you should seriously consider dating other women and see what other options exist for you. Let her sort out the issue with her ex and if you’re still available, you and her can try having a healthy mature relationship. Just don’t devalue your worth by playing her game.

  62. Marybeth says:

    Yangki, my ex left me for someone else. She broke up with him and now my ex says he loves me and wants me back. I still have feelings for him. Should I take him back?

  63. That’s really up to you. I take it that you have forgiven him for leaving you for her, and I admire you for that. But don’t jump right in. Take it for what it is – a rebound. He did not break with her to be with you, she broke up with him. What happens if she changes her mind and wants him back? Let him prove that he wants you for keeps.

  64. Joelly says:

    Someone I was with for over a year broke up with me because they could not handle the “stress” and said that they were too worried all the time. They said they wanted to stay friends multiple times and two times we talked about serious matters (never about us or anything like that)and they requested to talk on the phone and was not quick to hang up. At the end they asked if we could still be friends and I stated “You left me when I needed someone the most. Not even a friend does that.” And we have not talked since and quickly after my ex started dating someone else but I have been told it is not the same between them as it was between he and I. I am not interested in getting back with this person, but I am curious about the feelings I guess. Is he on a rebound? Thank-you.

  65. There is obviously a lot of history to this, but to answer to what you’re curious about. I do not know what his feelings are. No one really knows what any one’s feelings are unless the person feeling them says what they are.

    I can only try to piece pieces of information you’ve given me and what I know about this type of situations to try to make sense of what’s going on. My take is that your ex may have hoped that things might work between you but was not sure if the “stress” problem was behind him. He may have wanted to use the “let’s be friends” zone to try and gauge for himself if things would be different this time. You obviously were either still hurting because of what happened or angry that he left you when you needed him most, and you turned the “let’s be friends” request down. Note: I’m not saying what you did was right or wrong. You did what you felt was right for you at the time!

    He may have concluded things would just be the same – stressful — and decided to date someone new. Whether his new relationship is a rebound or not remains to be seen.

    Now I’m also curious about your feelings… if you are not interested in getting back with him, why does what is happening in his new relationship even concern you? As long as you are still “curious” about his feelings, you will never move on. Your ex on the other hand may have actually moved on even if he still has feelings for you (and I’m not saying he has or does not have feelings for you. I don’t know). What I do know is that someone can still be in love but not want a relationship with that person — for so many various reasons.

  66. Beth says:

    Two weeks a go I found out that my ex had been lying to me all along. He had not broken up with his ex when we started dating and continued contact with her throughout our 8 month relationship. I confronted him about it and he admitted he is still in love with her and has been trying to get her back. Needless to say, I am furious and also an emotional wreck because I’m so madly in love with him. I’m wiling to wait it out but I don’t know if I should drop of the face of the earth to create mystery about myself or continue contact with him?

  67. I can understand why you are furious, anyone would be. I also understand that you are still madly in love with him. I’m the last person to tell you not to give things a chance but you have to know what you are up against.

    1- Your relationship started on a lie.
    2- He’s obviously in love with her and wants to be with her.
    3- Whether he’ll come back to you depends on whether she’ll take him back or not.

    In other words, your chances don’t look too good. But like I said, if you want to give it a chance, that’s up to you.

    Will dropping of the face of the earth help your chances? I don’t think so. If his feelings for you are strong, it might create a little curiosity, but that’s all. If that gives you satisfaction, then give it a try, but keep in mind that it won’t make him come back to stay.

  68. Ricco says:

    Speaking from personal experience, my ex started to show interest in me again once the rebound wore off. I maintained contact with her while working to improve myself. She said she noticed the change and expressed genuine remorse. I still love her and want her back but taking it slow.

    I know this is not for everyone but don’t just give up because she started dating someone else. Just keep contact, play it very cool and don’t go talking about how much you love her.

  69. Sama says:

    I’m going through this with my ex of 3 years. He is talking to a woman he met less than a month after we broke up. Obviously, I was crushed and confronted him and we had a fight in which he told me he does not love me anymore and will never love me again. How do I get him back if he has made it clear that he will never love me again?

  70. There is nothing you can do if someone emphatically tells you he will never love you again. I don’t know what happened to make him feel that way, what I know for sure is that you “confronting” him about it the way you did didn’t help at all.

    You are not together, he can see and date whomever he wants to and not have to answer to you. You probably pushed him to feeling and saying he will never love you again.

  71. Viger71 says:

    We were together 4 years. he wasn’t happy and wanted space. We didn’t contact each other for 2 years but ended up meeting up by accident. He asked if I wanted to have a drink with him, one thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together. There were definitely still sparks there. We have exchanged texts since but he says he loves the other woman and wants to make their relationship work. But when I text him he responds. Should I fight for him or move on? They have been together for a year.

  72. If by “fight” you mean try to take him away from the other woman, I think that you will lose. He may have slept with you, but in his own words, he loves the other woman and wants to be with her.

    Your best bet is to let their relationship play out. If the relationship does end and he still wants to be with you, he will come back to you.

  73. Viger71 says:

    What about the fact that he responds to my texts and is flirty with me, do I just ignore that? He has not initiated contact but he responds the same day and he still calls me babe.

  74. Those things mean little if he is working on a relationship with her, and NOT you.

    It’s not my job to tell you who you should love or pursue, I’m merely pointing out facts that you may be glossing over. At the end of the day, the decision is wholly YOURS.

  75. lorianne says:

    My ex was in a rebound relationship two months after we broke up. I found your blog and ebook and didn’t confront him or ask him about her. After only four months the relationship ended and we started seeing each other again. He said it took the rebound relationship for him to realize how much I meant to him. Some days I still think about what happened and it hurts, but I see how he tries every day to show me he loves me and wants the relationship to work. We are closer and happier than we have ever been. Thank you.

  76. Paul says:

    I’ll be as brief as possible. My ex has been dating another guy for 2 months. She broke up with me because she had some major problems going on in her life at the time and I was receiving some of the blame for them and started to act distant. She felt it would be better if we were not together. The breakup happened just before christmas. I was giving her space but panicked and contacted her when I heard she was dating this other guy. She was responding to my texts but i felt like she was eating her cake and having it too. So I stopped responding. 3 days ago she texted me saying “how are you” and I never responded. She texted a couple of hours later saying “I miss my friend and I hope that we don’t end up hating each other.” I responded letting her know that I’m willing to work on our relationship but if she doesn’t want to, she should just leave me alone. She texted back “I hope that one day things won’t be the way they are.” Why is she texting me and what does she mean by “I hope that one day things won’t be the way they are”.

  77. It could be that she’s just trying to be your “friend” (she did say “I miss my friend and I hope that we don’t end up hating each other.”); or she may still not be completely over you.

    None of that matters anyway because you are too emotionally immature and as a result nothing good is going to come out of it.

  78. Grindes says:

    This article covers both the dumper and dumpee sides of the story. I’ve been a dumpee and a rebound. Most recently I was the dumper. A week and half after the breakup, I met my now ex and we hit it off right away. It lasted for a little over a year. Once I really got to know her and see who she really was, I realized she wasn’t the person I wanted to be with and ended the relationship. She met another guy after we broke up and they’re still together now almost four years later. I have dated a few other women some relationship lasted six months and other only weeks. All this time I have not forgotten the ex I rebounded on. She is currently in a relationship that’s been going on for a year but is open to contact with me. The last time we spoke on phone she said she still thinks about me and has never met anyone quite like me. . I believe in my heart that some day we will be together again.

  79. Thanks for sharing your story. It highlights the complexity of “rebound’ relationships, and why one size does not fit all.

    I hope things turn out for you the way you hope. Even after so many years as a love coach, I still find myself awed by what love can do when people keep their lives moving forward– and their hearts open.

  80. Allys says:

    Its only been 4-weeks since our breakup and my ex is already seeing someone. His reason for breaking up with me was that he needed some time to think about what he wants. I told him I would respect his wish and asked if him if he was planning on dating other people and he said no. Is this a rebound? Do I still have a chance?

  81. It’s hard to tell at this point if this is a rebound — or not.

    The way I see it, if he indeed needed time to think about what he wants, I don’t think he could have figured it out in only 4 weeks. In that case, the relationship may just be a rebound.

    But there is also the possibility that he still hasn’t figured out what he wants, and seeing other people is his way of figuring that out.

    The worst case scenario is that he used “he needed some time to think about what he wants” as an excuse to get out of the relationship with you.

    The next few weeks/months will tell if you have a chance or not. How you act and react will play a big role in what happens next.

  82. Jalia says:

    I think of my ex every day even though we parted on less than friendly terms. We are both in new relationships and as much as I love my current boyfriend, the person I miss and want to be with is my ex. I can not seem to get over him. My question is, when does one ever truly stop loving their ex?

  83. I wish I could give you a definite number of months or years, but I’d be lying to you.

    For some people it takes a few days, others a few weeks, a few years… and for others, they never stop loving their ex.

    This might help: Why You Still Can’t Get Over Your Ex – Pt. 3

  84. Courtney says:

    I still love my ex and want him back but he has a girlfriend. They have been together for 8 months. I told him when we broke up that I wanted no contact. So I think he thinks I moved on. I felt like I had moved on with no contact for some time but then these feelings started coming back. I just want him to remember all the good times and want me back. Do you think there is still a chance for us? I will always have feelings for him and don’t want to lose him for good.

  85. I don’t know if you still have a chance or not. Have you made any attempts to contact him? What is his response?

  86. Courtney says:

    No I haven’t. The last time we had contact is over a year ago. We were together for 6 years. I really want to tell him how I feel about him but I also don’t want to be annoying.

  87. I agree. You will be annoying if your first contact after a year of no contact is telling him how you feel about him.

    How about a simple “hi”? I don’t see how that will annoy anyone.

  88. Robbie says:

    My ex wanted to get married 6 months into our relationship but I wanted to wait. She ended up breaking up with me and soon after started dating one of our mutual friends. The relationship ended after only 4 months. I still had strong feelings for her, so I reached out. We’ve been dating now for almost a month. She says she wants to take things slow but I have my doubts. She’s already talking about moving in together. My question is, 1. Am I a rebound? and 2. Do do you think we should get back together now or wait?

  89. Whether you are a rebound or not remains to be seen.

    If you ask her to get back together now today, she’ll probably say yes, and you’ll probably get back together.Will it last? Probably not.

    I think that you should take things slow. Date for another month or two, and if you both feel that this is it, then take things to the next level. But if she starts pushing for things to move fast because she wants to get “married” ASAP, it may be best to let someone else “marry” her.

  90. Victor says:

    I was dumped by my ex a week before christmas. Two days later I bumped into her and the ex that dumped her 4 months before I came along. Later that night I called her to ask if she’d been cheating with him. She said it’s not like that. They only started talking two weeks before she broke up with me. She didn’t want to cheat and that’s why she ended it with me. Do you think that this is just a rebound? She keeps apologising to me.

  91. It’s more like she all along wanted him back, and you were the rebound. This may be why she keeps apologizing to you. She feels bad that she used you to try to get over him/ or get him jealous.

    I know this is no comfort, but at least she was decent enough not to cheat. It says she did care about you, she just wasn’t over him.

  92. Stuart says:

    I spoke to my ex for the first time in 8 months. Things started off like just a regular conversation, how are you, what are you up to etc, there was a pause then she asked me why i was calling her after all these months. I didn’t know what to say so I said “I just wanted to know you are okay.” She went on to say she in a relationship and doing great. She also said not to contact her because she’s moved on. I know I hurt her when I broke it off but I didn’t expect her to be so cold.

  93. After 8 months… you should have kind of expected it. You dump someone, they move on, you reach out, sometimes they respond warmly, and sometimes they want nothing to do with you.

  94. Stuart says:

    I broke her heart so I expected her to still hold it against me but I was shocked at how cold she was. We were together for 4.5 years and I spent a lot of time with her and her daughter. When we were breaking up she said she wanted me to part of their lives. I guess that’s what you call closure!

  95. muuono says:

    Stuart, you have the nerve to be shocked that she’s cold towards you. Pretty much everywhere in the world, breaking up with someone means “I don’t want you in my life” and you made that crystal clear when you broke up with her.

  96. Muuno, I think Stuart is just expressing his shock, and in no way blaming his ex for being so cold.

    “… breaking up means “I don’t want you in my life” is a very limited understanding of relationships in general, and why people break-up in particular.

    Everywhere in the world, people break up because the relationship isn’t working, not because they don’t want the other person in their lives.

    Sometimes, it happens that someone doesn’t want you in their life (and for good reason), but “I don’t want you in my life because you broke up with me” is not the default position for emotionally mature men and women, at least those that I know.

  97. Whitney says:

    Things between us ended really badly. Towards the end we were fighting a lot, generally about stupid things but he always would text me and say he was sorry and he loved me. On the night of the breakup we got in another fight cuz he said I humiliated him in front of his friends. We didn’t talk for a month then we met up and we had sex. Next day I found out he has been seeing another woman. She’s older than him, she’s 43 and he’s 31. I confronted him and he said she is a rebound because he missed the closeness with someone. But later that week he said she likes him he likes her and he is happier with her than he was with me. My question is, what do I believe? They have been together for about 4 months now but we still hook up and have sex.

  98. I don’t think you should believe anything he says. He’s playing both of you.

  99. Anyess says:

    My ex-hubby of 7 years moved out of our home to be with another woman. He said he was not happy and needed to get out. They’ve been together for 4 months, however he has not introduced her to the kids (we have 2 together) or to any of his family either. The day before xmas he came to drop off presents and asked if he could spend xmas with the kids and I. I asked about her and he said she’d understand. I’ve also noticed that he hangs around longer when we talk on the phone or he drops off the kids. He’s always asking if there is anything I need to be done around the house and comes over to fix stuff etc. I know she’s still in the picture but can’t help wondering if may be he’s having second thoughts. People ask me why I want him back, the truth is I still love him and want him back in our lives. Do you think he is having second thoughts?

  100. I can’t definitively say he’s having second thoughts, but something is happening for sure.

    I can’t also tell you that you shouldn’t want him back or question your judgement in the matter. I only know about your relationship what you’ve allowed me to know.

    My advice is to give it a couple of months and see how things play out. Meanwhile encourage him by showing appreciation for the things he does and to the extent that you are comfortable with, show him that you still find him attractive.

    Just make sure you take things very slow, so as not to get hurt again.

  101. Ntalia says:

    My ex started dating a woman after only month of the breakup. He was still trying to talk to me but I was too hurt and did not respond. Once he started dating her he didn’t contact me and I didn’t contact him. I started missing him and I sent him a text apologizing for everything when we were together. He replied immediately “I’m sorry for everything too. I never wanted to hurt you.” I still want him back but he has this other woman though friends tell me he only dated her to get over me. I want to tell him I still love him and want him back but I don’t know if I should because we have been broken up for 2 years. What do you think? Is it too late for me?

  102. What I have seen in the years I’ve spent working with men and women trying to get back their ex has convinced me that it’s never too late to try to get your ex back.

    The obstacle for you is that your ex has been with this other woman for almost 2 years. That says this is not a rebound relationship, he’s moved on.

    But if you strongly feel that you need to tell him how you feel, then do it. If anything, you’ll at least get some kind of “closure”.

  103. Strakar says:

    I wish I could get back with my ex but I know that is impossible. She dumped me because I became needy and lost all my hobbies, friends, etc. I thought I would give her some space but she started dating this guy that she knew for years. I think he always had an eye for her and was just waiting for her to end it with me. They seem so happy together and I wish them the best.

  104. HelpEd says:

    My ex recently contacted me again after 3 months of NC and I am glad she did. But I had heard that she might be seeing someone else, so I asked her if she is seeing someone else and she admitted it but said she also still has feelings for me and misses me. I still love her and want to be with her but I don’t trust her. She has cheated in the past and I have a feeling she came back after 3 months NC because the other relationship is not doing too well. She also has never been single and alone. Do you see any hope for us?

  105. You raised many red flags.
    1. she’s contacting you after 3 months of NC,
    2. she’s seeing someone else,
    3. the other relationship is not doing well,
    4. she has cheated in the past, and
    5. she has never been single and alone.

    All those things combined say she’s just following a pattern. A relationship with someone with this kind of MO will not last.

    If you decide to give her another chance, don’t expect anything to be different.

  106. Raatz says:

    My ex moved on and began a new relationship two months after we broke up. We had not spoken or seen each other for over a year so when we bumped into each other a couple of weeks ago, I invited her for coffee. It was like no time had passed at all. And for some reason, and it was probably a mistake, I felt the urge to tell I still love her and think about her everyday. She said she would have come back if I had fought for her and that she started dating again because she thought I did not care and it hurt more than the breakup itself. My question is, should I try to fight for her, and if so how?

  107. It depends on if their relationship is strong and if she’s happy with him. If she’s happy, it’d be selfish to try to take that away from her. But if they’tr not “serious”, or she’s not happy, give yourselves a chance.

    There is not one thing to do to “fight” for your ex and get him/her back. It’s a series of steps. Spend sometime reading articles here, they are designed to help you increase the chances of getting back your ex.

  108. Margo says:

    For the last 3 months my ex who is in a “serious” relationship has been contacting me and asking me out. His “serious girlfriend” has no clue to the extent of our contact. She found out we have been seeing each other and made him choose. He says he loves her but he has a special connection with me and likes spending time with me. He also said she’s a good girlfriend who doesn’t want to be treated like this. It’s not fair to her for him to keep seeing me. Do I tell him I know that the pressure is coming from her and remind him that he is the one who has been pursing me?

  109. The pressure may be coming from her, but he made the choice to pursue a relationship with her, and stop seeing you.

    You can either wait for the other relationship to play out or find someone else who’ll make you his number one choice.

  110. Frankie says:

    I got my ex back but she broke up with me again yesterday and she never gave me a valid reason why. She just told me it was something about how she felt we were not right for each other. We dated a year and half but she was also seeing someone for 6 months. Then broke up with him to be with me. But now that she’s broken up with me, she’s on FB with him. Should I pursue this relationship or give up now? How may times a week should i contact her?

  111. The decision to pursue the relationship or give up is upto you. If she still feels that you are not right for her, it doesn’t really matter whether you contact her 5 times a day or once a year, she wont’ want to come back

    She didn’t leave because you were not pursuing her, she left because she didn’t think she wanted to be with you. That’s what you have to figure out why and see if its’ something you can do something about. The rest is waste of time… even if you got her back, you’ll break up again.

  112. Jolly says:

    We’ve been broken up since August 2014 and he never responded to my texts until just before xmas. By then I had started seeing this other guy. I still love my ex but I’m afraid if I let this other guy go to be with my ex, he may not get over me dating the other guy and we won’t get back together. What should I do? The other guy knows I still have feelings for my ex and says he wants what’s best for me.

  113. Your ex is being unrealistic. Did he expect you to put your life on hold while he was doing his 3-months no contact? The mature guy here seems to be the other guy…(: But that’s just my opinion.

    See if your ex is willing to hang out first instead of getting back together right away. Explain to him why you think it’s best to see if you can resolve this before you get back together. If he really cares about the relationship, he’ll see the wisdom in hang out and resolving your “issues” before getting back together. It benefits both of you — and the relationship.

  114. Suita says:

    I became involved in a rebound 2 months after my ex left. I needed to move on and met a kind, loving and considerate guy. But I still missed my ex and didnt want to lose him without giving it a try. I contacted him, this was 7 months after the breakup. We arranged to meet and it was fun, but it wasnt the same for either of us. I have been reluctant to invest in the new relationship because everyone is telling me it is a rebound and will not work. But after reading your article, Im going to try to truly fall in love with my rebound and forget my ex. Thank you.

  115. You may never stop loving your ex and that’s okay. You can still move on and fall in love with someone else. As the article says, not all rebound relationships are doomed to fail. Give your new relationship a chance!

  116. Dav says:

    I have taken back every single one of my exs not because l wanted a relationship but just that it was my turn to do the dumping. My recent ex came back trying to prove she had changed but I was already back in the game dating. We got back for 3 days then I dumped her.

  117. katie says:

    Wow Yangki I can’t say that I understand your moderation policy. I asked you a few heartfelt questions because I really needed help but they got ignored. yet you put up the comment above (Dav) that brags about how he cruelly takes his exes back just to hurt them and play games. I don’t expect you to post this I just wanted to point out the trash you allowed on here.

  118. @Dav– I’m sure there is some temporal gratification in being the dumper after you’ve been dumped. But the fact that you are on a “get back your ex” blog posting a comment says the ego boost you get is diminishing each time you take your ex back only to dump her.

    I hope that someday when you lose that one person you want back in your life more than anything in the world, you’ll not be too messed up to see right from wrong.

    I believe there is a soul somewhere there, inside… (:

  119. @Katie — Our moderation policy is explained in our POLICY page.

    I believe Dav’s comment adds to the larger conversation. I actually like the fact that he’s being honest and vulnerable.

  120. Peccia says:

    Yangki their wanting you back is an ego booster but you realise your feelings are no longer the same because you cant forget how they pretended you dont exist for the past months ignoring your text, calls and emails. Sometimes getting back with them is a way of finding out if you are really over them.

  121. I hear you… I’m the first to say someone coming back saying they want you back after intentionally ignoring you for months doesn’t deserve a second chance. They have already shown you who they are… BELIEVE THEIR ACTIONS.

    But as I said to Dav, the gratification of revenge is fleeting. Sometimes you have to make a decision not to let how other people treat you determine how you live your life. No one deserves that kind of power over you!

  122. VeeR. says:

    I really wish I had handled myself differently and not cut off contact. 4 months since the last time we had contact and I still wake up every morning wanting to hold her and tell her I love her. I didn’t expect to her to move on so quickly. We had a really good relationship and she wanted to stay in contact and I pushed her into his arms. She says she felt abandoned even though she is the one that broke up with me. Says she still loves me but wants to give the new relationship a chance. I feel like I lost the love of my life twice.

  123. Things might have been different if you had stayed in contact as she had suggested. But staying in contact alone doesn’t get two people back together. In other words, I don’t think you necessarily ” pushed her into his arms”, at least not directly.

    If she wants to give the other relationship a chance but still wants to stay in contact, I think that it works to your advantage to maintain some form of contact. If the new relationship doesn’t work out, she’ll be turning to you.

    If on the other hand, she thinks it’s best not to be in contact, then respect her wishes. If the new relationship doesn’t work she’ll remember you were respectful and supportive.

  124. Oliva says:

    I also regret telling her to not contact me but I did so because I was hurting. She tried to convince me not to walk out of her life but I stood my ground. She continued to contact me and expressed hurt that I didn’t respond. Last text I got from her was “I get it. I won’t contact you anymore”. But now I wonder if by not responding I made her feel I didn’t care about her anymore. She has a new bf and has refused to respond to any of my texts. It sucks completely losing someone you love from your life.

  125. Mos says:

    My ex slept with another guy and it broke my heart. Despite her cheating I still loved her very much. After 5 months of being undecided I gave her another chance and she blew it again by not telling me before hand that while we were not together she slept with the same guy again. I still love her but I can never trust her. I also do not think she ever loved me because if she did, she would not do these things to me. I’ve told her to leave me alone and not contact me but she keeps sending me texts. I’m having a hard time letting go of the resentment. Should I respond to her texts? Should I take her back?

  126. The mistake you made was not taking it slow and dating her again before getting back together.

    As for responding to her texts, that’s up to you. You know better than anyone if your girlfriend is worth another chance. My only advice is to remember that the most accurate way to predict future behaviour is look at past behaviour. Unless she’s gone through some sort of “spiritual” transformation, chances are that she will either cheat or lie again. If you decide to take her back, keep that in mind.

  127. Avai says:

    My ex has a new woman. I don’t know if it’s a rebound or if she’s the reason he left me. He says they were friends and the relationship started a month after we broke up. To be fair I cheated with an old boyfriend and my ex found out. I tried to make it right but he said he wanted space to think. I reached out to him after 3 months of no contact and for the last two weeks we seemed to be making progress. Yesterday he told me he does not want to lead me on. He also said he’s not planning on getting serious with her. What do you thinks is going on and what’s my next step?

  128. I think he’s still hurt by the betrayal and dealing with it his own way. Right or wrong, it’s his way of trying to move past it.

    The best you can do for now is not try to make him choose. He’ll choose her not because he’s more in love with her but because he’ll be making a decision based on feelings of hurt and betrayal.

    If you can manage contact and he’s open to it, start building emotional momentum. In addition, use the lines of communication to show him he can trust you again.He needs that emotional safety to even start thinking of getting back together.

  129. Harriet says:

    Yangki, unfortunately for me the rebound relationship seems real. He said he had mixed feelings after the breakup but when I did not respond to his texts he assumed I had moved on. Now he’s in love with her and is happier than he was with me. He wants to be friends but I told him it will happen with time as I’m still in love with him.

  130. Larry says:

    I am in a rebound relationship. I was not looking to get into a relationship so soon after breaking up with my ex of 7 years. She ended the relationship because according to her we were more friends than lovers. She is right because I had checked out of the relationship and should have ended it but didn’t have the guts to. The new relationship is only 9 weeks old but it feels right to both of us. She and I are both in our 50s and have no illusions about what’s going on. We talk about it a lot and are open about our past mistakes and the work we need to do on ourselves. Who knows what will come from this but for now it’s really great.

  131. I hear you. I think that too many people miss out on great relationships because they have bought into “all rebound relationships fail”. They feel they’re doing something wrong and are affected by what others say, and how they’ll be judged.

    As long as you are both aware of what you are getting into, are willing to look a yourselves honestly, are working on your past mistakes and taking one day at a time, it could actually work.

  132. Trenton says:

    Same here, I didn’t go looking for it, it just happened. Our relationship is in it’s third year and even though we have the usual ups and downs of all relationships, we both have no regrets.

  133. Danie says:

    Yangki, you told me in coaching since my ex is prepared to cheat with me while with the rebound guy, she’ll cheat with someone else while with me and you were right. We got back together and 2 months in, she cheated. The problem is I still love her very much, I just don’t trust her. Any advice?

  134. You already know what I am going to say… until she decides (on her own) that she will stop cheating on whoever she’s with, it’s same old… Can you live with that, and for how long?

Please read our Blog Policy before asking your question or leaving a comment. Thanks, I appreciate YOU!!