Comments on: Does My Ex Have Commitment Issues? http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/does-my-ex-have-commitment-issues/ Wed, 08 Feb 2012 14:37:22 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: The Love Doctor http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/does-my-ex-have-commitment-issues/#comment-837 The Love Doctor Tue, 19 Jan 2010 22:11:24 +0000 http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/?p=2736#comment-837 You're right... any change for the better will make him a happier man, even if he doesn't get to keep the woman. I've read "The Way of the Superior Man’, by David Deida and thought it was a great book. Another really good one is by Herb Goldberg, "The Inner Male". Thanks for your input ... I saw the other great comments too, def. worth more than 0,02 €... :) You’re right… any change for the better will make him a happier man, even if he doesn’t get to keep the woman.

I’ve read “The Way of the Superior Man’, by David Deida and thought it was a great book. Another really good one is by Herb Goldberg, “The Inner Male”.

Thanks for your input … I saw the other great comments too, def. worth more than 0,02 €… :)

]]> By: Phil http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/does-my-ex-have-commitment-issues/#comment-834 Phil Tue, 19 Jan 2010 21:28:39 +0000 http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/?p=2736#comment-834 The guy asking the original question sounds like the archtypical Nice Guy. He would be well advised to read 'No More Mr Nice Guy' by Robert Glover, as well as 'The Way of the Superior Man', by David Deida. The results of him taking what he reads in these two books - which, in my view, is indispensable for the modern man - would either improve his relationship with this woman to a degree previously unthought of, or kill it outright. In either case, he would be a happier man for getting rid of self-sabotaging Nice Guy behaviours. The guy asking the original question sounds like the archtypical Nice Guy. He would be well advised to read ‘No More Mr Nice Guy’ by Robert Glover, as well as ‘The Way of the Superior Man’, by David Deida.

The results of him taking what he reads in these two books – which, in my view, is indispensable for the modern man – would either improve his relationship with this woman to a degree previously unthought of, or kill it outright. In either case, he would be a happier man for getting rid of self-sabotaging Nice Guy behaviours.

]]> By: The Love Doctor http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/does-my-ex-have-commitment-issues/#comment-811 The Love Doctor Sat, 16 Jan 2010 19:43:36 +0000 http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/?p=2736#comment-811 You’re right to want to be sure. The regret for someone who didn’t settle is that they feel they did “the right” thing. The regret for a person with commitment phobia and also their greatest fear -- and rightly so -- is that they left a great relationship for no sensible/ explainable reason at all and they’ll most likely run away from the next great relationship the same way they ran from this one and the one before that. You’re right to want to be sure. The regret for someone who didn’t settle is that they feel they did “the right” thing. The regret for a person with commitment phobia and also their greatest fear — and rightly so — is that they left a great relationship for no sensible/ explainable reason at all and they’ll most likely run away from the next great relationship the same way they ran from this one and the one before that.

]]> By: RJay http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/does-my-ex-have-commitment-issues/#comment-810 RJay Sat, 16 Jan 2010 19:19:14 +0000 http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/?p=2736#comment-810 I thought it was fear of settling but wanted to be sure. We just have too many compatibility issues that I don’t see how we can work them out. I’m not just walking away we’ve seen two counselors and a relationship coach. Things change for a little while then we have problems again. Like you said not to regret anything later. I thought it was fear of settling but wanted to be sure. We just have too many compatibility issues that I don’t see how we can work them out. I’m not just walking away we’ve seen two counselors and a relationship coach. Things change for a little while then we have problems again. Like you said not to regret anything later.

]]> By: The Love Doctor http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/does-my-ex-have-commitment-issues/#comment-809 The Love Doctor Sat, 16 Jan 2010 16:13:27 +0000 http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/?p=2736#comment-809 Fear of settling is about the OTHER person/or relationship not being “right” for you because of some compatibility issues, persistent problems in the relationship etc. Commitment phobia is about YOU. It has nothing to do with the feeling that the other person is not right for you. In fact in many cases the person with commitment phobia knows that the other person is “right” for him/her and the relationship is great (no problems, compatibility issues or feeling that they need more from a partner or that something is missing in the relationship). When you have commitment phobia, you want to commit and may have even tried to commit but you just can’t - and the fear has no basis/does it make any sense at all. Fear of settling is about the OTHER person/or relationship not being “right” for you because of some compatibility issues, persistent problems in the relationship etc. Commitment phobia is about YOU. It has nothing to do with the feeling that the other person is not right for you. In fact in many cases the person with commitment phobia knows that the other person is “right” for him/her and the relationship is great (no problems, compatibility issues or feeling that they need more from a partner or that something is missing in the relationship). When you have commitment phobia, you want to commit and may have even tried to commit but you just can’t – and the fear has no basis/does it make any sense at all.

]]> By: RJay http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/does-my-ex-have-commitment-issues/#comment-808 RJay Sat, 16 Jan 2010 15:19:56 +0000 http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/?p=2736#comment-808 We have a good relationship when things are good between us. But we fight a lot and are on and off again, more off than on. We mostly fight about commitment. I feel that there are some things we need to work on before I commit but she says I’m just afraid of commitment. The more we fight the more it’s becoming clearer and clearer to me that she is not really the right kind of life partner for me. Am I afraid of settling or do I have commitment phobia? We have a good relationship when things are good between us. But we fight a lot and are on and off again, more off than on. We mostly fight about commitment. I feel that there are some things we need to work on before I commit but she says I’m just afraid of commitment. The more we fight the more it’s becoming clearer and clearer to me that she is not really the right kind of life partner for me. Am I afraid of settling or do I have commitment phobia?

]]> By: The Love Doctor http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/does-my-ex-have-commitment-issues/#comment-804 The Love Doctor Fri, 15 Jan 2010 23:45:11 +0000 http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/?p=2736#comment-804 I hear you... I hear you Terri, and appreciate your input. He's most likely not the "settling" type. The fact that he's looking for "advice" and is honest and realistic about the situation tells me he recognizes this is not how a relationship should be. I also think that she recognizes just how lucky she's got it that's why she keeps coming back, and if she'll willing to work with him to make this relationship what I believe they both want, it's better than running from one bad relationship to another. If she refuses to seek help or gets it but nothing changes, he'll walk away knowing he gave it all his best and it just wasn't meant to be! That's the beauty of not looking back with any regrets - clean cut! I hear you… I hear you Terri, and appreciate your input. He’s most likely not the “settling” type. The fact that he’s looking for “advice” and is honest and realistic about the situation tells me he recognizes this is not how a relationship should be. I also think that she recognizes just how lucky she’s got it that’s why she keeps coming back, and if she’ll willing to work with him to make this relationship what I believe they both want, it’s better than running from one bad relationship to another. If she refuses to seek help or gets it but nothing changes, he’ll walk away knowing he gave it all his best and it just wasn’t meant to be! That’s the beauty of not looking back with any regrets – clean cut!

]]> By: Terri http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/does-my-ex-have-commitment-issues/#comment-803 Terri Fri, 15 Jan 2010 19:53:46 +0000 http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/?p=2736#comment-803 Yes it would be very sad. It's like "Good girls gone bad" syndrome. They get tired of being taken for granted when showing their mate how much they love and care for them. It seems like no one wants that, they want someone who is going to treat them like crap and I just don't understand the logic in that. I just hope for this guy's sake, he can find what he is looking for inside of him before he goes and settle for the sake of being in a relatioship. I do hope that she stop taking him for granted and just let him go so that she can find what she is looking for. Yes it would be very sad. It’s like “Good girls gone bad” syndrome. They get tired of being taken for granted when showing their mate how much they love and care for them. It seems like no one wants that, they want someone who is going to treat them like crap and I just don’t understand the logic in that.
I just hope for this guy’s sake, he can find what he is looking for inside of him before he goes and settle for the sake of being in a relatioship.
I do hope that she stop taking him for granted and just let him go so that she can find what she is looking for.

]]> By: The Love Doctor http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/does-my-ex-have-commitment-issues/#comment-798 The Love Doctor Tue, 12 Jan 2010 22:06:01 +0000 http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/?p=2736#comment-798 Cutting his loses seems the most logical thing to do :) The only catch with that advice is that it takes two to create a toxic relationship. I know so many men and women who “cut their loses” with the hope of finding someone “better” but they ended up attracting the same kind of person or carrying on their unresolved issues into the next relationship. Every relationship presents us with the opportunity to work through our own issues, those that understand this very simple, very basic law of attraction (and work through their issues) have a better chance of attracting someone who is also “healthy”. Those that don’t… well... the singles scene is crowded with singles trying to unsuccessfully find a “better” person. We both agree this guy is a great catch (who needs to work on overcoming some of the "Nice Guy" negative qualities), wouldn't it be sad to see him act like one those “bad boys” you refer to? Cutting his loses seems the most logical thing to do :) The only catch with that advice is that it takes two to create a toxic relationship. I know so many men and women who “cut their loses” with the hope of finding someone “better” but they ended up attracting the same kind of person or carrying on their unresolved issues into the next relationship.

Every relationship presents us with the opportunity to work through our own issues, those that understand this very simple, very basic law of attraction (and work through their issues) have a better chance of attracting someone who is also “healthy”. Those that don’t… well… the singles scene is crowded with singles trying to unsuccessfully find a “better” person.

We both agree this guy is a great catch (who needs to work on overcoming some of the “Nice Guy” negative qualities), wouldn’t it be sad to see him act like one those “bad boys” you refer to?

]]> By: Terri http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/does-my-ex-have-commitment-issues/#comment-797 Terri Tue, 12 Jan 2010 20:40:41 +0000 http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/?p=2736#comment-797 I still say get rid of her. She is obviously holding onto you because like she said, you are the only onethta will put up with her B.S. You may be one of those good guys that she can pull this on and that is why she is doing this. I bet you if it was one of those "bad boys", the shoe would be on the other foot. Cut your losses and find someone that will appreciate you for you. I still say get rid of her. She is obviously holding onto you because like she said, you are the only onethta will put up with her B.S.
You may be one of those good guys that she can pull this on and that is why she is doing this. I bet you if it was one of those “bad boys”, the shoe would be on the other foot. Cut your losses and find someone that will appreciate you for you.

]]>