It’s so common to hear the words “personality is more important than looks” and I personally have a reputation for touting personality over looks when it comes to choosing a long term partner.
That’s not to say that I don’t think physical attraction should play a part in choosing a mate. It makes no sense dating someone you’re not physically attracted to, after all, if all goes well, you’re going to have to wake up every morning and that person will be the first thing you see! The issue here is more of “are you choosing that person over others because of looks alone or because of looks and more?”
This brings us to, if you find someone physically attractive, does telling that person that you do score you more or less points?
I did a little informal research on registered members on my blog and found that there are apparently some phrases that although commonly used invoke different responses when used on someone you barely know.
Two such phrases are “You’re hot” and “Hey, sexy”.
One woman said she didn’t mind if a guy says “you’re hot” on first contact and might even go out with him.
“Since I spent time making myself look good, it’s nice when someone notices it. But once a guy has gotten that elusive okay to a first date, he’d better be able to show that he’s capable of carrying on an interesting conversation”.
“You’re hot” comes off as a sexual pick up line even if the man doesn’t mean it to be. It tends to translate as “I want to get some”, said one woman. “It comes off as creepy, trying-hard and/or desperate!”
Another said it depends on if the man is also “hot”, then he can get away with it even if he is a complete stranger.
There was also a few responses from women who said that they’ve grown up most of their lives being told they are beautiful, good-looking, attractive, cute etc. and want a guy who finds them attractive for who they are – their personality and intelligence – and not just only how they look. For these women “you’re hot” is an instant turn off.
One woman said she preferred a much more specific compliment on her physical appearance e.g. “you have a great smile” or “you have beautiful hair” to “you’re hot”.
“That would be approaching me as an individual and that kind of first contact is more genuine and spontaneous”.
The majority of the guys said they’d never opened up conversation with “You’re hot” or “Hey, sexy” because they felt that it’d make them come across as crude and shallow. Most of these guys however, said thy wouldn’t mind if a woman used either phrase on them. Some even said they’d be very impressed because it shows that a woman is confident and bold — and that piques their interest.
Some guys said they’ve used both phrases on women and received both positive and negative responses. One man has this to say “If a woman takes offense at a sincere and genuine compliment, then she’s not right for me”.
I have neither beauty nor brains, but I’d love to hear what others have to say.
Related Articles:
Approaching A Sexually Confident Woman Sitting or Standing With A Group Of Women
Are You A Hot and Sexy Woman Or A Beautiful Woman – What’s The Difference?
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This is quite interesting. An occasional “You’re hot” from a hot guy is flattering. But “Hey, babe” or “What’s up?” is a definite turn off!
I don’t take offence to being called hot and sexy by a guy I already have a relationship with, but from a stranger it seems sort of trashy and superficial.
I’m 5”2 and everyone calls me cute or pretty but never been called hot or sexy. I wouldnt mind being called hot or sexy for a change.
I’m also 5’2 and I‘d rather be called cute or pretty or beautiful instead of HOT or SEXY any day.
There is nothing wrong in being called hot or sexy. They’re all positive compliments.
At least you know what is on the guys mind when he says “you’re hot” or “hey, sexy” at the opening of a conversation. I want to rip those clothes off! lol
I’m a short, below-average guy in my 40s attracted to only 8s and 9s beautiful women in their 20s. I’ve honestly never used any of these phrases because I believe in treating women with respect. But I’ve messaged hundreds of them online over the last 6 months and not one replied. If a guy is not wealthy, women want nothing to do with him.
Has it crossed your mind that may be by not responding we’re just trying not to hurt your already fragile manhood? Do we now have to apologize for not finding you attractive? *eyeroll*
Ladies when you’re hot, you’re hot. Acting like you don’t know you’re hot makes you seem ingenious.
Alex, everyone plays a game of pretence. If you’re so hot, you’ll try to be modest about it. It is only those who aren’t really that hot who try to boast and exaggerate.
Rosebud, ugly people need love too.
I agree “ugly” people need love too. But “ugly” people who only contact women based on “how they look” alone should not complain when they are rejected based on “how they look” alone. It’s kind of double standards to say don’t judge me by how I look when you judge others by how they look.
When a girl says to me “you’re so hot” it means she’s eager to have sex. That’s so hot.
I hate being called “hot” or “sexy” because I feel those words only deal with sex appeal and lust and I am more than that.
I once said “you’re hot” to a woman at a party and she took offense to it. I didn’t get what the big deal was. I had said it to many women and they had no problem with it. I still don’t see what the big deal is.
I don’t usually call a woman sexy. Sexy to me refers to something a woman does. Like the intelligent things she says, the way she carries herself, the way she acts, the way she talks, her voice, naughty look, mannerisms (smiles or laughs a lot, licks her lips, winks) etc. It has to be totally natural and not contrived.
I once heard a guy say that if a guy says a woman is hot/sexy it means he is fantasizing about sleeping with her. But if he says she is beautiful it means he thinks of what it would be like to be married to her.
Sounds to me like “Hey, I think you look like a hooker… wanna have sex?” I’m pretty sure a guy wants something.
# 16 Eclectic, you’re onto something really fundamental. I personally think too many people are far to caught up in being part of generic group and afraid of their own individuality than anything else.
To me it depends on how a guy says it, the context, his body language etc.
I’m like eclectic. I find women that have intelligent, curious, humorous minds, know how to converse about many different subjects, topics and interests, flirt and “close the deal” very sexy. Physical appearance comes second.
One study has showed that men become less intelligent when they’re trying to impress hot women they’d like to sleep with (Journal of Experimental and Social Psychology). I’m 6’1 and been told by women that I’m hot and sexy. Nice blog btw.
i have been called cute and hot on very rare acccasions by women and it really makes me feel great like clound 9 since i rarely get that from women at all. unfortunatetly i do worry that these women only find me phychically attractive i have heard this means they normaly expect more from you and that the relationship might just be based on sex and once that gets boring she moves on.