A client called me in tears. She had sent her ex one of those “I need some time and space to heal and I would appreciate it if you don’t contact me for awhile. Thanks for understanding” texts that “no contact” experts tell you to send your ex. He wrote back “I completely agree. This relationship is so toxic that any kind of contact now or ever will pull us back to what we both don’t want. I’ll work on myself as you continue to work on yourself. We will both attract better people as a result. I wish you all the best in life”.
She desperately tried to explain that she only wanted some time to heal. His response,”I respected your wish when you said not to contact you, now please respect mine and do not contact me again. I am moving on. Thanks for your understanding.”
That’s not what she expected — and definitely NOT what she wanted. Her intentions were good but things had suddenly gone from bad to worse.
Unfortunately, she’s not alone. Everyday I work with men and women who had the right intentions but did the wrong things; men and women who feel stuck, frustrated and confused because they tried everything from begging to cutting off all contact… and nothing was working. Some of them felt they made some progress but their hopes were suddenly crashed when their ex stopped responding, or they found there was someone else their ex’s life.
Here’s the thing, you have a history together. Your ex knows you, or at least thinks he/she knows the person he/she thinks you are. He/she is still looking at you and a future with you based on the past, and as far as he/she is concerned, the relationship ended for a reason.
Your ex is right. The old relationship ended for a reason and your ex doesn’t want it back — and frankly, neither should you.
But you can’t go to your ex and say, “I want us to start over” or “I want a new relationship” or even say “I have changed, can we try again?”
Your ex is not going to believe you. If you couldn’t create a better relationship when you were together, why should he/she believe you now? Why didn’t you change when you were still together?
Begging, pleading, telling your ex how much you love him/her and all those texts and the really long email… those things only make your ex want to get away as far as possible — may be even cut off all contact.
May be it’s best to back away for a while… give him/her space… not contact him/her for a few weeks… months…
Sounds like a really good idea, right?
In theory, yes. In reality… let’s just say, it’ll be a mistake to do no contact… a BIG mistake!
First of all, your ex doesn’t know you are backing away for a while… giving him/her space. All he/she knows is: You stopped all contact, blocked all access and acting like he/she never meant anything, doesn’t exists.
May be you don’t care anymore… may be you moved on… may be you found someone new.
And may be… it’s time he/she moved on too, found someone new!
The longer you are not in contact, the harder it is to get back together.
Every day that passes, your ex’s emotions and feelings fade. They miss you less because not having you around has become their new normal. When you try to contact them after waiting for too long, they are not sure if they want to change what’s become comfortable. They may still have feelings for you, but hesitate… because it means starting another new normal… and what if you again disappear?
This is the damage “no contact” does to the very foundation of a relationship.
It takes away that emotional security; that trust that you will always have your ex’s back no matter what.
What it does instead is create anxiety, distrust, emotional distance and power-play. Things that not only hurt your chances of getting back together, but damage the very foundation of a relationship you are trying to save, and hold on to.
You don’t want to take that risk. You don’t want to risk creating distance between the two of you, and giving someone else space to walk in– and win over your ex’s heart.
Right now it may seem like there is no hope. May be you messed up royally and your ex is indifferent towards you. May be you freaked out when the relationship ended and mass-bombed your ex with texts, emails, phone calls and now he/she is cold and distant. May be you’ve been doing all the wrong things and made things worse. May be you’ve been trying to get your ex back for what seems like a long, long time. Whatever it is you have been doing, it’s time to STOP.
Time to do something completely different!
Reprogram your relationship with loving behaviours and positive energy!
You already have been emotionally programming your relationship (the long apology, declarations of undying love, needy contact, “accidental” meetings, trying to make your ex jealous, no contact etc), the problem is, you’ve been inadvertently programming it to fail.
Dating Your Ex is a completely different set of principles with a whole different point of reference.
Everything is straightforward, honest and open right from the start. No mind games, no trickery or manipulation.
- Your ex will know from the start that you accept that the relationship has ended, but you still love and care about him/her.
- You don’t want to be “just friends”, you want him/her back.
- You’re willing to take things slow, and build a better and stronger relationship.
- You have truly and genuinely changed, and things will be different this time around.
These breakthrough strategies work immediately. Within a few days of regular contact, you’ll see more emotional engagement – timely responses, longer conversations, interest in what’s going on in your life, your ex starting to initiate contact more and more, accepting and initiating dates, talking about the future more positively etc…
It’s a shame that nobody really talks about this because it’s extremely powerful and works in almost any situation.– John Murray from UK.
This is probably the only book on getting back your ex that focuses on infusing your relationship with loving behaviours that show that the relationship can indeed be different.
Remember, you only have limited time to prove you are worth another chance.
You shouldn’t be wasting that time on mind games, power plays, egg-shell walking, and stalling on taking action. Put your limited time and energy into behaviours that show the relationship can be better – and make your ex want to get back together..
Take advantage of the best tried-and-tested steps that showcase the new and improved you in the best possible way – and in the fastest time.
Even if you’ve been married for years, been dating for only a few months, are in a long distance relationship, struggling to make a connection or put back passion (that “in love” feeling) in your relationship, this step by step guide will break through a lot of negativity, rebuild trust, re-awaken feelings of love and transform distance into connection, no matter how hopeless the situation seems at the moment.
You may be asking yourself, why should I believe YOU? If I wasn’t the author of Dating Your Ex, I would be asking the same question.
#1: The first really good reason why you can believe me is: I’m living proof that whatever you find in my e-Book works. For many years — because of my fear of commitment — I was the Queen of On-And-Off Again Relationships. I worked on my own issues and managed to turn things around for myself, get back someone I had driven away several times and had given up on me.
So yes, I know how it is to be away from the one that you do not want to be without. But more importantly for you – I also found out that reconnecting with an old love is not just another date. The dynamics are a whole lot different — and I mean like a whole LOT. I don’t want you to make the mistakes I made!
#2: The second really good reason why you can believe me is: This is an e-Book written by a real practicing successful full-time Relationships Coach with astounding success in love reunions.
#3: The third really good reason why you can believe me is: Many men and women who put the knowledge and wisdom in this e-Book into action are back with their ex and realizing their dreams of the relationship they’ve always wanted!
You’re not just working with a theory, you are working with proven strategies, tools and knowledge gathered from years of hard work, one-on-one consultations with real people going through what you are going through, scientific research — and refining what works, how and when.
It doesn’t matter that you haven’t contacted your ex in a while; it doesn’t matter if you’ve done so many of the things you are not supposed to do to get back you ex; it doesn’t matter if right now your ex thinks the relationship can’t work; it doesn’t even matter if you don’t believe you can actually get back your ex— Dating Your Ex will walk you through all you need to know – and do to get back your ex.
You have no excuse for not at least trying. You can’t again say, “But I don’t know what to to to get my ex back”. Everything you need to get started, and keep making progress until you and your ex are back together is at your fingertips.
I receive so MANY comments and emails from readers who say, “I wish I had found your site earlier” or “I wish I had your eBook a week ago.”
Well… you found my website, and now you can get my eBook.
It’ll only be too late if you don’t start now.
Don’t wait for your ex to come to you — your ex could also be waiting for you to make the first move. At the end of the day, it really doesn’t matter whether you are the dumped or dumpee, if you want a relationship, you’ve got to make the first move.
All you need to do is download my eBook to your computer or device, and start taking steady steps that’ll get back your ex.