What Not To Do When Your Ex Is With Someone Else

what-not-to-do-when-your-ex-is-with-someone-elseThere are three common schools of thought on how grabbing back your ex from the jaws of the other man/woman can be accomplished.

1. Give him/her an ultimatum

Give him/her three weeks or three months to end the relationship with the other man/woman or you will move on.

Ultimatums are usually a very bad idea. Even though your ex might feel love and want to be with you, the last thing a man or woman wants is to be forced into a corner, to be made to feel powerless. His/her immediate reaction is usually to fight back by leaving or continuing a relationship with you but make your life a living nightmare.

Ultimatums (threats) suggest you’ve already lost.

2. Make him/her jealous

Ignore him/her — don’t text, email, call and don’t return his/her texts/calls/emails. And for woman, use sex as a bargaining chip etc.

Personally I’d never advice any woman or man to use any of these mind games because manipulating someone into a relationship with you is like setting up your own trap for hurt and pain. First of all, manipulation tactics work on all people. Most people can see through that kind of trap and walk the other direction into the hands of a more loving, straightforward, simpler and easier to get along with man or woman. Secondly, you may end up with the physical form of the man/woman but not his/her mind, heart and soul.

Like I said you are setting yourself up for your own heartbreak.

3. Attack the other man or woman

Many people faced with competition instinctively “fight dirty ” by putting down, calling names or making derogatory remarks about the other woman’s attractiveness or man’s sexual life etc.

The sad reality is that when you put down the person your ex is attracted to, you are sabotaging yourself without even knowing it:

1) Your ex will feel personally attacked for his/her choice of men/women;

2) You are showing your lack of confidence in yourself by comparing yourself with another man/woman and;

3) You are pushing your ex to make a choice in favour of the other man/woman, especially if he/she’s not saying “bad ” things about you.

Is it even possible to get your ex back, and is it worth the trouble?

Trying to get back an ex who is dating someone else is not easy. Let’s just get that one out of the way.

Now, is it possible to get your ex back from the other man or woman? Yes.

Is it worth the trouble? That’s up to you to decide.

What I can tell you for sure is that if your mind is set on “all competition is bad”, you’re better of just walking away, and finding yourself someone else.

The presence of someone else in your ex’s life, means that you do not have all of his/her attention. And if he/she is really digging the other man/woman, it also means you have to accept the fact that you are going to have to share his/her affections.

You have to come to terms with the fact that you are going to have to be the “bigger” person. But more importantly, you have to determine in your mind how you are going to show your ex that you are the “better” option, without putting pressure on him/her to make a decision in your favour. Any kind of pressure, may tip your ex to the other side.

You might also want to look at my article: Facts About Rebound Relationships [Will It Last?]

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2 Comments

  • Following your instructions I have seen major improvement , she is dating someone however spends a lot of time with me at night texting and contacts me 2 or 3 xs a week. It hurts when she tells me she will be with him. I’m staying strong. Does it look good for me at this stage ?

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    • It depends on what it is you talk about… if you’re making an impact emotionally… and if you’re changing her perception of you (romantically).

      Sometimes, it can be progress towards getting back together and sometimes, it can be the beginning of a strong platonic friendship.

      There are articles on here which help tell if you’re falling in the friend-zone and if so, how to extract yourself.

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