Friday April 18th 2014

Can Reverse Psychology Get Your Ex Back?

Comment: Christine, I think that No Contact works if you wait long enough for both you and your ex to remember the good times at the beginning of your relationship, more easily than you remember the bad times at the end. Like John, I acted very needy and desperate at the end and she threatened to report me to the authorities if I didn’t stop contacting her and trying to get her to talk to me. I’m using no contact to create distance between us and the bad memories she had of me, and at the same time make her feel like I don’t miss her.

It’s called Reverse Psychology. It’s like when someone tells you that you can’t have a piece of cake, what do you immediately want? A piece of cake. If she thinks I’ve moved on, she’ll miss me and will start wondering what I’m up to and why she hasn’t heard from me.

The Love Doctor’s Response: Reverse Psychology is a dangerous game. It doesn’t always work, it doesn’t even work on some people at all.

If someone tells me I can’t have a piece of cake, I’ll shrug my shoulders, say, “Okay” and walk away. And I’m sure there are many people who’d do the same, especially if they don’t like cake in the first place, don’t feel like eating a piece of cake at that particular moment in time, have just indulged on a tastier piece or have eyes on a more delicious piece….*wink*

Unless you really know for sure that your ex wants you back that bad, your reverse psychology will backfire for the simple fact that it’s based on too many assumptions.

1) You are assuming she actually wants to hear from you, let alone misses hearing from you. Remember this is someone who didn’t want you contacting her and even threatened to call the authorities.

2) You are assuming she’s spending a good amount of time thinking of you and “the good memories”. Let’s even for a remote second say she remembers the good times you had together, what makes you think she wants them back? She may have decided she can do better, have better?

3) You are assuming her life is on “stand still” and she’s not having other similar or better experiences without you. Life goes on (even without you).

4) You are assuming that by “disappearing” she’s going to forget you acted so badly that she felt the need to report you to the authorities.

Basically you are working on an unrealistic assumption that “no contact” somehow has the power to make someone miss hearing from you, reverse time back to the good ol’ days, stop time until the bad memories are erased, stop her from having other experiences that are better… all that and also do the work of getting your ex for you. That’s expecting too much from “no contact”, don’t you think?

But that is what is being sold, I guess… and some people are buying!

The question you have to ask yourself is: Would you as a self-respecting adult man or woman want to be in a relationship with someone who you know tried to create in you anxiety, fear and self-doubt through “reverse psychology”? If it gives you an “uncomfortable” feeling that someone would do that to you, why would you do it to someone you claim to love?

Reader Feedback

3 Responses to “Can Reverse Psychology Get Your Ex Back?”

  1. Yazz says:

    The benefit of using reverse psychology in getting your ex back is it makes a man out of a mouse. If you’ve been insecure, clingy and needy, showing your ex that you really don’t care about the break up and are ready to move on will make your ex curious, frantic and anxious. You are indirectly arousing interest because your ex will desperate to know how you are coping with the situation. That itself is an attractive attribute which can pull your ex towards you.

  2. I hate to be the one to pop your balloon, but if your ex rejected you because you were a mouse, what makes you think your ex wants the same mouse she rejected back, let alone be curious about how a mouse is coping? In other words if the reason your ex dumped you is because you were insecure, clingy and needy, that’s who she still sees you as– and she has no reason to think otherwise.

    Not contacting her doesn’t change that perception because most people know that when insecure, clingy and needy people don’t get their way, they run scared — like a mouse!

    A man on the other hand, will stay and fight… like a MAN!

  3. Debarbs says:

    Put yourself in the other person’s shoes! If someone uses no contact to make you miss him/her, he/she does not respect you, and therefore does not love you. S/he doesn’t deserve you, and despite your feelings toward him/her, you will be much better off without him/her because every time you let him/her away with it is telling him/her that it’s okay for him/her to behave that way — that you’ll put up with it.

Please read the GUIDELINES for asking your question, then ask a BRIEF question or share insight. Thanks, I appreciate YOU!!