Comments on: Can Someone Get Back An Ex Who Is Not In Love Anymore?

By: Love Doctor, Yangki Christine Akiteng

Love Doctor, Yangki Christine Akiteng — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 13:40:01 +0000

The decision whether to try work it out or move on is entirely up to you. My opinion is that it’s not fair, let alone beneficial to the relationship to hold something your ex said in the heat of a breakup against him. A breakup can be a traumatic experience for both the dumper and dumpee and people react in all sorts of ways.

Since the things he pointed out are things even you admit are “your issues”, may be it’s good that they came up and now you can work on them. See if you can explore with your therapist why you feel like a horrible person. It may have nothing to do with what your ex said and more to do with how you really feel about yourself.

By: Rugdoll

Rugdoll — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 15:48:11 +0000

When he broke up with me he said he didn’t think we were right for each other and listed a number of things he didn’t like about me. I was very hurt because he had never once said anything to me. For 6 months he tried to contact me but I was still hurting and only responded to some but not many of his texts. I also started seeing a therapist who helped me see that some of the things my said are issues I had because of my relationship with my mother. I contacted him and after 2 months we got back together. Now I’m not so sure it was a good idea because I can’t forget all those things he said about me. It’s hard for me to allow him to touch me without me thinking what a horrible person he thinks of me. Is this something that can be worked out or should I just end this and move on? Please help me.

By: Yangki Christine Akiteng, Love Doctor

Yangki Christine Akiteng, Love Doctor — Wed, 13 Oct 2010 20:42:42 +0000

Quite often when people say “I love you but not in love with you” it simply means, I still love you but I do not feel that “excitement” that comes with being in love. It’s kind of like how you love your friend, relative or co-worker. In these situations someone may opt not to leave or end the relationship because he/she hopes things will change – and sometimes they do. But not without effort/action from both parties. The fact that he’s not doing anything to try to work on the relationship may mean he’s hoping you’ll do all the work especially if you’ve been doing most of the work for most of the 16 years, or he is buying time until he is ready to completely leave you/finds someone else.

What worries me is not his behaviour but yours. I may be wrong but your comment makes you come across as a passive participant who lets him do whatever he wants because you fear he’ll leave you. If I can sense this and I don’t even know you, he most likely can too and is riding that energy wave you’re putting out there.

By: peggy

peggy — Wed, 13 Oct 2010 12:19:25 +0000

My boyfriend of 16 years and the father of our 4 children left the other day came back and told me he wasnt happy with us? so I tried to talk to him the next day he got angry at me because i was upset and i wanted him to explain what he meant and he said I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore, he said he wasnt leaving and he doesnt want me to leave he said we could try but he doesnt want to go to counseling I am so crushed I don’t understand what he means please help me

By: Yangki Christine Akiteng, Love Doctor

Yangki Christine Akiteng, Love Doctor — Fri, 28 May 2010 07:30:27 +0000

Seems she’s not sure herself what she wants. The best way to know if she’s serious is agree on what needs to be done to try to make it work and see if she commits to it and follows through. Otherwise words are just that… words.

In some relationships those feelings of “in love” can be restored (and the relationship can even be better than the first time) but it takes real work and commitment.

By: jason

jason — Fri, 28 May 2010 07:18:52 +0000

so my wife has told me that she is not in love with me anymore.after 8 years of marriage.was probally the hardest thing i have ever heard in my life.she loves me but not in love with me.one day she wants to walk away and thats it then one day she would like it to work,you see we have 2 kids one 11 and one 6.and i know i love her with all my heart and i dont want to loose her.how do i know if she really wants it to work or not?and can it work if she really feels that she isnt in love with me?

By: Yangki Christine Akiteng, Love Doctor

Yangki Christine Akiteng, Love Doctor — Wed, 28 Apr 2010 09:18:04 +0000

Yes, it’s possible to restore love. It’s not easy, but it’s possible. The decision to restore or let go depends on:

1. How badly the relationship is damaged
2. Her willingness to try again
3. How badly you want to restore the relationship
4. Your ability to make her feel love (and appreciation)

My advice is always to do everything you can to restore it — if she is willing to try to work on it with you. You don’t want to give up easily because that will torment you for the rest of your life. You’ll wonder what would have happened if you’d tried.

By: Evdoxia

Evdoxia — Wed, 28 Apr 2010 09:08:30 +0000

I have been married 17 yrs. Wife is having mid life crisis.She says taken care of family for the whole time without appreciation. My question is it possibly to restore love, or is better to let her go?

By: Giras Panama

Giras Panama — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 15:15:43 +0000

Your site is splendid I will have to read it all, thank you for the diversion from my classwork!

By: The Love Doctor

The Love Doctor — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 21:22:23 +0000

Personally, I don’t buy into the excuse she’s giving you. Sounds like what most exes say not to hurt your feelings, ” It’s not you, it’s me”. Well, if she truly loves you and knows that the problem is with her being scared, then why does she move away instead of staying and trying to “fix her.” Common sense would be, if she works on why she’s scared then everything will be fine, right?

That said, yes, love can be restored even if someone says she’s not in love again. You have to get to the bottom of why she doesn’t FEEL in love with you and try to fill the gap between “she loves you” (attracted to you) and “she doesn’t FEEL in love” (doesn’t feel that excitement or buzz of energy that comes with being in love).

As for “getting her back” there is not just one thing to do to get her back. There are many stages to finally getting back together and each couple goes through the stages differently. I have an article that particularly address this stage of … “Your Ex Wants To Be Friends But You Want More – How Do You Get Your Ex Back”

There are also many posts and responses to comments in the “Attract Back Your Ex” category that address this.