10 TOP INDICATORS You’ll Get Back Your Ex

10-indicators-signs-you-will-get-back-your-exQuestion: I ran into my ex and she’s even more beautiful than when we were dating. We had a mutual breakup so there were no bad feelings between us. She asked me if I wanted to catch up over coffee and I said yes. We just talked about what we have both been up to, laughed at some old time stories and generally had a great time.

She has no current boyfriend and I’m just out of a two year relationship. I asked her out again and she has said yes. I get the feeling she now sees me only as a friend and may be I feel that about her too — just not sure. In your work, have you really seen relationships been restored after break up? I’m not trying to get her back, just wanted to know if you’ve seen cases of people getting back together after along period of time apart? What are the odds or signs that there is even a chance of that happening?

Yangki’s Answer: YES, I’ve seen two people get back together after a break-up. I have seen hundreds of dating and formerly married couples get back after along period of time a part. But I’ve I also seen hundreds of relationships were two people don’t get back together after a break up.

Each relationship is different and each couple is different. Some relationships have a better foundation and others were nothing but a series of one night stands. Some relationships have nothing except assumptions, neediness and stress, and others were great relationships that ended because of a simple misunderstanding or miscommunication.

Over the years, I’ve identified some obvious indicators of whether two people will get back together or not, and how soon.

1.  How long you were in a relationship

People who’ve been in a relationship for a longer period of time tend to stand a better chance because of the bond created over time.

2. How serious your relationship was

If you have both introduced each other to your closest friends/family and if their reaction was positive, the encouragement (or pressure) from your social support networks often works to your advantage. The opposite is also true.

3.  Why you broke up

This one is a big one. Some reasons for a break-up are easily reconcilable and others are deal breakers. The deal breakers often include: no feelings of attraction, feeling that the relationship is wrong or that the other is not the right person, conflict in life styles and goals etc.

4. How you broke up

People who consider their break up mutual or amiable are more likely to keep in touch than where a break up was nasty. They are also more likely to remember and reminisce on the positive things about the relationship, what could have been done better etc. This may lead to wanting to try and see if they can do it better.

5.  What changes each has made since breaking up

Unless an ex believes the relationship will be different/better than what he/she walked away from, they see no point in getting back together.

6. Whether or not one (or both of you) is seeing/dating someone else

If your ex is with someone else, he or she may not be in a hurry to get back together because s/he wants to see if the other relationship offers more. A lot depends on whether you can show him/her that what you offer is better.

7. Where s/he places a relationship in the list of his/her priorities

After a break-up most people tend to pour all their time and energy onto something else e.g. personal development, spiritual pursuits, career, hobby, social networking etc. These can become attractive alternatives and will require more effort and resourceful on your part to be able to inject yourself into your ex’s “new life”.

8. What you’ve tried to do to get your ex back

Some things people do to try to get their ex back actually make it impossible to get an ex back. They either confirm what the ex does not want about you or brings out the worst in you that your ex did not even know existed.

9. Geography/proximity

Men and woman in long distance relationships may face additional relationship uncertainty which may influence the desire to try again or thwart attempts to make it work. On the other hand, distance if used correctly is a positive ingredient for ‘starting a fresh”.

10. Ability to handle uncertainty

Vague statements, conflicting signals and shifting positions often get many people so stressed out that they start acting in counter-productive ways. Men and women who are better able to detect (sometimes it’s just your gut instinct), the inconsistent or contradicting information or signals from an ex and use that to elicit cooperation have a better chance of turning things around.

These are just the common indicators. Like I said, each relationship is different and each couple is different. With a little careful planning, a good strategy, patience and consistency, most situations can be turned around.

PS: You said you’re not trying to get her back but if you decide to, go for it, you seem to have a GOOD chance :=)

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Heather B

I initiated contact after 2 months of no communication between us. We started texting again and yesterday was the first time we spoke on phone. He said he was sorry for what happened and he still loved me but trying to get his life together. I told him I’d like to stay in contact and he said he’d love that too. I still love him. I want him in my life. But I’m so confused. What if I’m setting myself up for another heartbreak? What if months from now he is still trying to get his life together? What if he meets someone else?

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Thank you for writing this article! I think part of the problem with positive thinking advice is that it is focused on trying to force thoughts rather than finding acceptance in where you are at the moment. I call myself a “realist”, I accept things that I can’t change and live for what I can do and change. I don’t dwell on “what if” and just live with “what it is”. It works!

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Yangki, I want register for you break-up recovery course but not sure if I can work on healing and recovery and at the same time try to get my ex back. Our break-up was amicable and we’ve maintained reasonable contact. I don’t want to use no contact while I work on myself, it may be too late and he has already moved on.

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You’re absolutely correct about not relying on others to tell you whether to get back with an ex or not. I’ve been considering reconciliation with my ex despite everyone telling me to move on. He and I talk and he is a changed person from two years ago. He’s completely turned his life around. I have done the same and we both feel that we can make the relationship work.

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I was with my ex for almost 10 months when he told me he didn’t know if he loved me or not.. that led to us breaking up. We were sort of on and off after that for a little while before I called it quits. I was hurt and wanted some space. Two months later, he told me he’s trying to change and that he thinks he does love me.. should I give him a second chance?

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