Wednesday September 17th 2014

Is My Ex Seeing Someone Else?

toronto_akiteng-988Question: I am inspired by your answers. My question is: Can I ask my ex if she is seeing someone else and if she is, what do I do? The last time I tried asking her personal questions it became emotionally heated and the date ended badly. I want to know if it is wise or if there is a good way to ask if she is seeing someone else, interested in another guy or does it not really matter? I mean it does bother me to see she can just move on so easily. I am driving myself nuts thinking about it.

The Love Doctor’s Answer: I understand that it’s driving you nuts. It’d be nice to know that what you had was too special for her to just move on so easily. But here is the thing… the last time you got “too personal” things ended badly (your own words).

Whether she is dating someone else or not, in her mind there is nothing wrong with that 1) you’re not together, so it’s not like she’d cheating on you and 2) since she informed you she’s dating again/going out on dates she feels she’s being honest and open with you.

Of course that’s no comfort for you, but it’s the reality of being broken up. You asking her if she’s seeing someone else or interested in another guy could mean two things 1) you’re jealous (and if that was a problem in the relationship before then it means you have not changed) or 2) you’re putting pressure on her when she’s not ready (and that could cause her to suggest you don’t see/contact each other again – at least not now).

That said, if it bothers you that much, you can ask and if she says she’s dating someone else, make sure you don’t react negatively there and then. This is where problems usually begin; not in the asking, but in the reaction to the answer.

If you can contain your emotions, calmly try to find out more about the relationship. Find out if it’s serious or casual so you can decide (when you are on your own), if you still want try getting back together or not.

My advice would be not to ask, especially if you know that you will not be able to handle the truth. Unless she brings it up, or you find out from reliable sources that there is someone else, I suggest that you keep the focus on the the two of you.

That’s not to say, you completely ignore the possibility of there being someone else. Look out for some usual signs like she’s suddenly taking too long to respond, she doesn’t respond most of the time, her responses are short and emotionally closed off, or she seems distracted etc.

If this is happening consistently, you might want to consider the fact that there is someone else she interested in, or is seeing. How you handle the situation may make all the difference.

See my article: Facts About Rebound Relationships [Will It Last?])

Readers' Questions and The Love Doctor's Answers...

3 Responses to “Is My Ex Seeing Someone Else?”

  1. BritRoyalty says:

    Okay I admit I did a little spying and found her profile on a dating website. She told me she didn’t have the energy for a relationship with anyone and yet it looks like she’s looking for someone else.

  2. Cassy says:

    My ex broke up with me three months ago after 7 years. Up until today things were going really well. We talked about the breakup, how we’ve both changed and how we’re really each other’s best friend. I just found out there is someone knew in the picture. My heart is broken all over. I can’t stop crying. I still love him but don’t know what to do. Any advice? PLEASE.

  3. First things first. STOP the emotional thinking and reacting. It’s not like they are getting married already. You only make yourself seem like someone who can’t handle a little competition.

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