Are You Easy To Love Or Difficult To Love?

One of the things I love about what I do is the number of people I come in contact with on a daily basis. Most people who seek my help are mostly hurting people but even in their hurt, it’s so easy to spot men and women who are so easy to love and like, and those that one has to really struggle to like, let alone talk to.

The difference between easy to love people and hard to love people is in the energy that we all radiate. Some people radiate an energy that repels other people — negativity, forcefulness, resistance, antagonism, emotional unavailability, neediness, lack of trust etc. This energy causes repeated rejection which causes low-self-esteem which causes more negativity, sadness, misery, resistance, antagonism etc. which causes rejection… and so on.

A lot of the rejection we get from others has to do with how we make other people feel when they come in contact with us. A very attractive person who radiates negativity, sadness, misery, resistance, antagonism etc. may initially attract more people because of their outer “radiance”, but the attraction usually is just that — physical and on the surface. As soon as they open their mouth or you get to know them better, you know that you don’t want to be around this person.

Someone who isn’t necessarily physically attractive but radiates happiness, openessness, friendliness, positivity, acceptance etc., may not attract so many people initially, but as we get to know the person beyond the outer shell, we are more and more drawn to their inner radiance.

Fair or not, happy, positive, open, emotionally available, accepting, friendly people are considered better company and long-term partners because they make us feel good about ourselves, about relationships and about life in general. They are considered more desirable relationship material because they are “easy” to love.

They are easy to love because they have no need to withhold love or react with “punishing” behaviours when they do not get what they want.

They easily move through uncertainty, crisis or unexpected and unchangeable situations in a deliberately open and accepting way. They act calmly and courageously to either accept or change their circumstances. Because they recognize that things don’t change for the better just because they put so much effort worrying about them, they see no point in becoming unnecessarily stressed, angry or depressed about situations that they do not, and can not control. But most of all, their “relaxed“ attitude enables them to allow others the freedom to choose their own experiences and be who they are.

But as much as we all want to be around these people, they are careful as to who they allow into their lives. That’s because they have very good personal boundaries.

In comparison, men and women who are controlling, negative, pushy, manipulative, angry, complaining, needy, antagonistic etc., tend to emotionally (and even spiritually) bring us down. Generally as human beings, we don’t like people who drain our personal energy. So we avoid, reject and do all we can do to distance ourselves from them.

The irony is that even controlling, negative, pushy, manipulative, angry, complaining, needy, antagonistic people can’t stand to be around people like themselves for long.

If you’re with someone who confesses their love for you but doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you, I suggest that instead of working on outer appearances or manipulative techniques to try and make them want to stay, look deep within and see how your energy may be the problem. There is nothing wrong with working on those outer physical areas that you feel you can improve (that’s if outer looks really matter that much to you), but if you’re looking to attract people who stay for the long term, my bet is on inner radiance.

We all can be easy to love and like. Think of babies when they come into this world. We all love them and feel energized just being around them. That’s because their energy hasn’t yet been tainted by life’s experiences. To get to that point where we are easy to love and like, we have to work hard at “cleaning up” our energy that has been muddied up by our experiences, and let others see our inner radiance!

This is not just about being “nice” or “getting along” with everyone. That’s something entirely different, and can be a turn off for those that can see through the “act”. This is about letting love easily flow THROUGH you.

The more love that flows THROUGH you, the easier you are to love. The keyword here is “through”.

Stress, anger, negativity, selfishness, self-absorption, neediness, distrust, controlling habits etc, make it  hard for love to flow THROUGH. And when love is blocked, others can feel it (as you being selfish, controlling, negative, pushy, manipulative, angry, complaining, needy, antagonistic), and react with distancing themselves from you. They find you “not easy” to love, or like.

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  • I wish that I had come across this website and good advice before I lost the one person who means the world to me. My bad attitude and lack of gratitude forced her to let go of me and she’s moved on and not looking back. I almost can’t live with my reality.

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  • This is interesting…as I know I am one of those people who exert negativity, misery, low self esteem, etc. I attract a lot of men because of the way I look, but Ive been told and know they soon lose interest because there is no life or positivity behind my exterior. I had a tough childhood that contributed a lot to my low self esteem and motivation in life. I can exactly pinpoint and reflect on myself and I do this often, Im very self aware, very self conscoius, which also works against me than for me because my head is always in the cloud. So my question is…how can I become more positive, loving, easy going?

    Ive always been consider too negative, self righteous, stubborn, and uptight (which I inherited/learned from a parent). I do consider myself difficult to love or even be around.

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    • So my question is…how can I become more positive, loving, easy going?

      WORK ON IT! There are much deeper issues going on with you that questions on blogs do not really help resolve. Not knowing your particular childhood experience, I or other readers can give you our advice to do this or do that but that’s only dealing with the symptoms and not the cause. *Please, do not unload the whole childhood story here*. My point is, negative, rigid or uptight people are that way for much deeper reasons.

      You need to work with a professional — preferably someone in your hometown — with whom you can have full disclosure about your childhood. He or she can then help you let go the coping mechanisms which may have been useful in your childhood but are obviously not helping you as an adult, and also help you learn healthy ways of relating to the people in your environment.

      They say when you know better you can do better. I think it’s lame to still be blaming this on your parent’s door. Your parent did what he/she knew best (at the time), but you’ve been an adult for a while, that’s enough time to take responsibility for how you are — and for your own happiness.

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  • My ex broke up with me saying he didn’t want to be in a relationship with anyone and wanted to work on himself. A couple of days ago, I found out he has a profile on a dating website. It struck me that he was looking for someone who is positive, outgoing and fun. I used to be like that in the beginning of our relationship but I must have become too negative, complaining and not much fun to be around. I’m trying to get back that ‘me’ and hopefully he’ll find me attractive again.

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    • Most men and women, especially if they still love someone don’t want to hurt someone’s self esteem by telling them to their face that “you’ve changed so much that I’m no longer attracted to you”. So they say “I don’t want to be in a relationship right now” or “I don’t know what I want” (“It’s not you, it’s me” sort of thing).

      If he has a profile on a dating site, it’s obvious he wants to be in a relationship but not with you. You’re right on track getting your energy back to where you’re most attractive. I hope you’re in contact so he can see for himself how you’re changing… Good luck!

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