Question: We broke up because my ex would not stop talking about his ex-wife. They’ve been divorced for 3 years but he can’t let her go. It drove me nuts! He says he’s over her and wants to be with me but I don’t think he’s really over her. Should I take him back?
Yangki’s Answer: I’ll answer the easy part first. Whether or not you take back your ex is a decision only YOU can make, and should make. It’s your heart on the line, that’s a decision you can’t outsource.
It’d have helped if you had shared more on the things he can’t stop talking about.
In my experience, if the break-up/divorce was recent and someone keeps talking about how they could have done things differently to make the relationship work, he/she is likely not “over” the break-up/divorce. He/she may be over the ex, but not the break-up/divorce.
If he/she keeps talking about how “great” his/her ex was and how he/she messed up a good thing, he/she is likely not “over” the ex. Chances are, you may even be a rebound. Most people not over their ex at some point or other try to get them back.
But it’s a little more complicated than that. If a man or woman keeps bringing up their ex, especially if the relationship/marriage ended a long time ago, it usually means that there are still some “unresolved” issues there. But it does not necessarily mean they want that person back, or even still love him/her.
Some people get “stuck in the past” even when they do not have intention of getting back with an ex. This is especially true if your ex is still angry about something in the marriage or about the divorce (how it happened or how it has negatively impacted his/her life). Some people can hold onto the anger, resentment, pain of rejection/abandonment, etc. for years, even a lifetime.
On the other side of the coin, if the relationship/marriage was a relatively healthy and happy or the break-up/divorce was amicable, your ex may from time to time reminisce, but it does not necessarily mean he/she wants his ex back.
In some situations where two people had been together for a very long time and their lives sort of meshed, after a break-up/divorce they may still talk about their ex all the time especially if the person is still trying to define his/her individual identity (he/she lost in the relationship/marriage).
In short, just because someone talks about his/her ex does not mean they want that ex back, unless what they say somehow suggests they still have hopes of someday getting back together.
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