4 Strong Signs Your Break-Up Isn’t Final – Pt. 2

ex-regrets-break-up-contactWhether or not your actions are judged as emotionally supportive or punitive has little to do with “your intentions” for taking any particular action.

For example, your ex is not be sure whether he/she wants a break or break-up, you suggest that it’s best to just break-up, or decide to break-up with him/her because you think that’s what he/she wants anyway.

Your ex will not take that as “supportive”, but will see it as he/she is being punished for not making up his/her mind. Most exes will agree to the break-up even if initially it was not something they wanted. Same thing with an ex who wants some space/time. You ending all contact when all they asked was “some” space does not feel supportive, but rather punitive.

In your mind you think you are “giving them space”, but if all they wanted just a little “breathing space”, or “time to get themselves together”, cutting them off feels severe.

And if your ex wants to maintain some form of contact/and or wants to remain friends, and you reject the gesture, your ex may not see it as you thinking about the future of the relationship. All he/she sees is rejection, and will react to the rejection.

To increase your chances with you have to become emotionally flexible.

Emotional flexibility is not something that comes naturally to some of us, and is close to impossible for others (control freaks, the judgemental and uptight, drama queens, and people with anxiety disorder).

What does it mean to be emotionally flexible?

When trying to get your ex back, emotional flexibility is being open enough to be able to adapt to what the situation requires at the time.

Emotional flexibility goes beyond being understanding and/or sensitive because it requires you to be able to ACTIVELY respond to your ex’s emotional cues or feedback.

Sometimes this requires you to ACT upon fast coming new information. Other times, you have to step back and allow emotions, a conversation or event to run it’s course.

If you can adjust and adapt your emotional responses to fit the situation, you can find ways to be more emotionally supportive in ways that make your ex feel that his/her emotional needs and wants are being taken into consideration.

Being emotionally flexible also allows you to be more relaxed — when dealing with your own and your ex’s emotions, which by itself is very attractive.

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12 Comments

    • First of all, very few exes end a relationship saying: ‘I am breaking up with you but I am sure I will change my mind and want you back’. Very few.

      Over 90% honestly believe that it is over and thy are not changing their minds. Most change their minds because the dynamic changed and they can see the relationship can be better.

      What I am saying is, as long as the lines of communication are still open, there is always a possibility he’ll change his mind. It is who you become (new you) and what you do to make the relationship FEEL and BE new and better that makes all the difference.

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  • I asked my ex to get back together and he said that his not ready for a relationship or anything like it but he still has feelings for me and what’s to talk and hang out and see how things go,

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  • My ex always asks me if I’m seeing someone else. He hasn’t openly told me he still has feelings for me but is always texting or calling “to see how I’m doing” and asking me about things that are personal. We broke up because he wanted to see other people but maintained contact. he recently out of the blue said he now feels he would be in a better position to be with me and didn’t feel like he wanted to see other people. Is this a sign that he is rethinking the breakup and wants more?

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    • It sounds like it. Why else would he tell you he now feels he would be in a better position to be with you and doesn’t feel like seeing other people. I would even go further than “rethinking the breakup” to say he is thinking of the two of you getting back together.

      If nothing happens to make him think getting back together may not be a good idea after all, I think you’ll get back together very soon.

      Make sure you start over and create a new relationship. In your kind of situation, it’s very easy to fall back to the old relationship and have him again say he wants to date other people or come up with some other reason to break-up again.

      Ms. Independent. Hmm, I like… 🙂

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  • I asked my ex to get back together and her response was that she didn’t know. There must still be something between us because she’s contacting me through text letting me know about things and asking about my weekend. To me it seems like mixed messages.

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  • Yangki, thanks for this site. My friends and family don’t understand why I still want my ex back and no one I know has experienced the feelings I have. They think I am literally insane. Despite all this, I have been taking every step suggested in your book and site and my heart is encouraged each day. I look forward to us getting back together some day and hope to share with you my success story. Thank you very much.

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  • I am glad I came across this website about a month and a half ago. He and I broke up because I was ready for a serious commitment and he wasn’t and I kept pushing until I pushed him away. We have our moments while trying to figure out our new relationship. But it is almost like there is something that is meant to be there. But who knows. All I know is that I do care for him very much and I don’t want to lose him again.

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  • We started seeing each other more in the last few weeks, we live less than 10 minutes from each other. She insists we are just friends but we’re definitely more than friends because we have sex. It’s confusing and sometimes I don’t know what to do about it. We’re both in our 40s.

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  • I think the key to this article is the fact that you don’t have to have all the answers to move forward with getting your ex back. Accept where you are and take one day at a time.

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