Sunday August 30th 2015

10 Silly Mind Games Your Ex Is Playing

toronto_akiteng-958A mind or mental game is nothing more than good old manipulation to get you to do what someone wants you to do, but suspects or knows that you will not do willingly or unreservedly — and for good reason.

The whole purpose is to try to mess with your otherwise sane and reasonable head.

Here is the thing: If it feels like a mind game, it is.

1. Your ex texts you and when you don’t respond, he/she texts again to say he/she “accidentally” texted you.

2. Your ex calls then hangs up. And when you call back, they say it was a drunk call or that their butt dialled your number.

3. Your ex texts or calls asking you to do them a favour; something anyone else could have easily done.

4. Your ex sends you a sweet nice text asking about how you are but when you don’t reply as quickly as you are expected, you get the silent treatment or get deleted/locked off FB, messenger etc.

5. Your ex sends you texts saying how much they miss you but as soon as you respond in “I miss you too” way, they start ignoring you.

6. Your ex sends very flirtatious texts but when you ask personal questions or ask if you can call them, they become abrupt, vague or rude.

7. Your ex sends you some weird text or email with the intention of leaving you guessing… “I have some good news” or “”I’m watching this very funny video on You Tube” or something equally meaningless.

8. You are texting back and forth for a while but then he or she suddenly stops contact. After a few days/weeks of “No Contact” you get a surprise “I love you” text with a smiley.

9. Your ex flaunts his or her new man or woman in front of you, then acts surprised and/or offended when you do actually get jealous.

10. All seems to be going well, no arguments, no fights, but suddenly he /she pulls the “I don’t love you anymore” stunt just so you beg and plead.

The more you know about the mind games your ex is playing, the better you can protect yourself from getting burned and feeling frustrated and bitter. And if you still care for your ex, you can stop feeding his or her need for drama or attention, or from emotionally abusing you.

If you suspect your ex is playing mind games, you might want to read my article: What To Do When Your Ex Is Playing Mind Games

PS: If you know of other mind games people play, feel free to add them in the comments section. No essays please…one sentence or two is more powerful.

Readers' Questions and The Love Doctor's Answers...

18 Responses to “10 Silly Mind Games Your Ex Is Playing”

  1. bamaboy says:

    My ex keeps showing up in places that I just so happen to be and then acts like she hasn’t seen me. I know what she’s doing so I also pretend I haven’t seen her. A couple of times she’s gone out of her way to bump into me and pretend to be surprised. How silly is that?

  2. Definitely playing a mind game. Smart you!

  3. lilpink says:

    I think it’s human nature to want what you can’t have. Turning the tables on your ex by telling him that breaking up was the right decision will make him feel rejection too. Doing so allows you to take control of the situation.

  4. Wanting what you can’t have is the ego’s nature.

    Acting like someone who told you “I don’t want to be with you” still wants you but can’t have you, is a mind trick you are playing on yourself all by yourself. It’s like applying for a bank loan and when rejected, you send a letter to the bank telling them you agree with their decision to reject you (because that will make the bank feel rejected too… Duh!?).

  5. lilpink says:

    I don’t think you understand. When you agree with your ex’s decision to the breakup, you maintain your dignity and at the same time make your ex curious to know how you could so quickly move on. You will relive a lot of pressure and make them feel more comfortable around you because now you want the same thing instead of wanting something different.

  6. You are right, I don’t understand why anyone — especially someone who wants his/her ex back — would think that’s even a smart move.

    This could also be interpreted as you’ve thought about it and decided the relationship isn’t worth any more effort. This can make it a lot harder later to say to your ex that you want him/her back without seeming like you don’t know what you want. Even if your ex still has feelings for you, he or she will be afraid to take you back because they can’t trust you not to change your mind (again).

    There are better ways of relieving your ex of the pressure caused by your begging and pleading, and showing that you are “positive” about the break-up without hurting your own chances in the process.

  7. Kaili says:

    I’m ashamed to say, I’ve played quite a few of these silly games myself. But when you see being played out right in front of you, you realize how childish, immature, cruel and heartless it actually really is.

  8. CC says:

    My ex is currently playing some of those games. We currently live together but are in the process of getting our own places. The minute I start to feel resentment towards him he’s overly affectionate, he sends me “I love you” texts, he asks me to go out on the town, etc. After some careful thought and “soul-searching” I began to recognize a pattern and the next time he gets the notion to “work on the relationship”, I’ll just politely decline his offers and continue my plan to move on.

  9. Pete says:

    After a few months separated I try to keep contact. She responds by does not initiate. Then one day I get a text ” call me I need to ask you something” I waited to call so not to seem needy as I feel.It was something she could have asked anyone else, it started a long talk about nothing. Then back to ignoring my calls…

  10. Phil says:

    An ex text me a “question mark” after ignoring me for 7 months. I stop contact after month 4 but after responding How are you. she started ignoring again.

  11. Lyn says:

    There was an ex who broke up with me after only 4 months since he didn’t want a commitment, yet he had been the one who had pushed me into the relationship. When he broke up he said he wanted to continue as friends. But when I tried to call a little while later, he didn’t answer and didn’t respond to messages. Also, he’d keep showing up in places he knew I’d be, stare at me, sometimes hang around if I talked to other people, but if I tried to say “hi” or talk a bit, he’d not answer, ignore me and back away.

  12. LiedTo says:

    After nearly 3 months of no contact, my ex created a fake profile on Facebook. It didn’t take long for me to figure out it was her. I was disappointed because I still had feelings for her and thought that may be things could work out for us in the future. Now I don’t even think I ever knew her at all.

  13. Moolice says:

    They text you saying “sorry about the missed call, my phone rang you in my pocket”. Yet there was no missed call on the phone.

  14. Kim R. says:

    It is very confusing when an ex is contacting you for sometime and then disappears for weeks. At first I thought he might be confused about his feelings for me but after a year of on and off again contact, I told him I still loved him and wanted him back. His response was”that’s never going to happen”. I asked him why he was contacting me if we were never going to get back together and his response was “you had no problem with it before.” I told him never to contact me again and he responded “your wish is my command”. I never hard from him again. I still think about him and miss him but I have to move on.

  15. This is probably not going to help, but I’ll say it anyway. Your ex is a real jerk. Given his responses, he had no intentions of getting back with you. His on and off contacts were just an ego boost.

    It’s hard now, but you will get past this.

  16. Dombro says:

    She broke it off 8 months ago. After 3 months of no contact, I contacted her. We talked for a couple of weeks, and then she told me she was kinda seeing someone. I told her I understand and stopped contact for another two months. I contacted her when I found out she had ended it with the other guy. Her first reply was friendly but the others said she didn’t want anything to do with me. What is confusing me is that she says she wants me out of her life but still contacts me and asks me who else I’m dating. She is saying one thing and doing another like it is a game.

  17. greg says:

    I feel like no contact has backfired. I sent my ex a cam reconnection message “Hey how have you been? If you have sometime next week let’s get together on Skype, I just have to personally thank you for what you did.”. She immediately sent me a text “thank me for what?” I told her I’d like to explain it face to face via video chat. She sent back a text saying she knows what I’m trying to do and is not interested. Do you think I completely ruined my chances?

  18. This is one of the problems of using generic scripts. They are there on the internet and there is a chance your ex has seen it or is using the same “technique” on you. I know of exes who even play along and make you think whatever you’re doing is working then throw it in your face.

    It’s not clear whether she’s not interested in getting together on Skype or getting back together. I suggest you try one more time to reconnect with her, but be honest and do it from your heart. You may or may not get her back, but at least you’ll be respected.

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