10 Signs You Are Obsessed With Your Ex

If you are here reading this, chances are you still have strong feelings for your ex, and want him or her back. I’m the first one to say, if you still love someone, then fight for your relationship. Too many people give up just because getting your ex back is hard.

But sometimes, we hold onto someone or something for all the wrong reasons. And some of us even know that the relationship is bad for us, and have been told so by several friends and relatives but we still hold on when we should be letting go.

If any of these apply to you, please think again as to why you are holding onto that relationship. May be your neediness and clinging is causing an obsession with your ex.

1. The relationship ended because you worried too much, were overly jealous and became too controlling and needy.

2. When you think about not having your ex in your life, you feel like your life is over.

3. Constantly monitoring your ex to see what he/she is doing is consuming most of your time. Try as you can, you just can’t help yourself.

4. You suffer from terrible anxiety and fear which can only be relieved by re-establishing contact with your ex.

5. The thought of your ex with someone new sends you into panic mode, and makes you feel inadequate and worthless.

6. You were very unhappy in the relationship and felt that it was better not to be together, but now that you are broken up, you want your ex back so bad.

7. You are willing to do anything and everything your ex says he/she wants you to do, if that will get your ex back.

8. You keep telling yourself how much your ex loves you and how much he/she misses you, even when the reality is that your ex hasn’t contacted you in weeks and even when you make contact, he/she doesn’t show much interest.

9. The main reason you want your ex back because right now it hurts so much and having him or her back in your life will make it better.

10. You have a pattern of staying too long in bad relationships.

If most of the above apply to you, you have lost the capacity to direct your own life, no wonder you feel so out of control. To move toward recovery, your first steps must be to recognize that you are “needy and clingy” and then try to work on why you are the way you are in the first place.

If you do not work on the neediness and clinging, your efforts to get your ex back are a distraction and a waste of time at best. At worst, your are extremely vulnerable to emotional abuse by a selfish, narcissistic and manipulative ex.

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6 Comments

  • I’m trying to find the link to the emotionally stronger you course you mention but when I click it just goes back to the main page. Is there a different link or could you email me the link? It sounds like something I really could use.

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    • The course is temporarily discontinued due to a busy schedule. I was supervising the course, responding to questions and giving advice all by myself (in addition to coaching and maintaining this site) and got a little overwhelmed. Someone told me I was superwoman, he lied!… 🙂

      I am looking for better ways of delivery and also some help, and will have the course available again soon.

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  • After relentlessly texting and calling me for a week, my ex said she would not contact me anymore and I should not contact her. She didn’t contact me and I didn’t contact her for 3 mos. A couple of weeks ago I received a text from her but I didnt respond. Within a period of 2 weeks I’ve received 8 texts that went from nice and friendly to angry and mean to begging me to respond. I have no “missing’ or “longing for” feeling for her and was relieved that she was out of my life. Do I continue to ignore her texts or respond to tell her to move on?

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    • She probably bought into “Absence makes the heart fonder” thing and is finding out that it’s not always the case.

      If you ignore her, she’ll eventually get the message. But if you want the texts to stop immediately, it might be a good idea to tell her you’re not interested, and want the texts to stop. That’s what I’d do…

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  • Dear yangki;
    Thank you very much for the nice article.Recently i broke up with my girlfriend and after reading your article i find Some of the fact mentioned by you applies to my situation..therefore could you please suggest me some ways to work out on my being needy and clingy..for which i shall remain grateful to you.

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