Sunday September 21st 2014

10 Signs He’s Not Committing To You Anytime Soon

When you are madly in love with a guy, it is easy to ignore all the hints he is giving you that tell you don’t expect commitment anytime soon.

Most guys are pretty honest about commitment but many women stay in the relationship hoping that he will come around in time. I’ve worked with women who have hang in there for several years (on-and-off) until the day he actually says “I do” to someone else. Even then, they keep hoping that he will leave her at the altar and come looking for them.

There are many warning signs men give out but here are just a few most common ones. See if you can identify with any one or several of them.

1. He tells you, you are beautiful, wonderful, loving, kind, compassionate etc. and the guy who gets you will be very lucky.

Translation: Sorry babe, that guy is not me.

2. He makes decisions alone and avoids direct questions about his future. If he ever mentions anything about the future, that future does not include you.

Translation: You better be out of here before that time.

3. He is still in frequent and regular contact with one or more of his ex-girlfriends (or wife) and will not include you in the friendship or introduce you.

Translation: You are not “number one” in my life.

4. He is still angry at his ex-girlfriends (or wife), blames them for the problems in the relationship and sees himself as a victim of “women”.

Translation: You are a woman, and you are my problem too.

5. He tells you he cannot commit until he has a better job/career and is sure that he can provide and take care of a family.

Translation: How do you expect me to take care of you?

6. He is very affectionate and sensitive when it’s just the two of you, but in front of his friends and family, he is insensitive, distant and even disrespectful towards you.

Translation: I couldn’t care less what they think of you as a potential wife or mother of my children. You will never be.

7. He tells you he wants to take things slowly, meet other woman and have a kind of “open” relationship.

Translation: I think there is someone out there who is a better match for me.

8. Six months into the relationship and he is still figuring it out, “seeing what happens”.

Translation: I am not really that into you.

9. He tells you not to get emotionally “attached” when you tell him you love him.

Translation: You really expect me to say that I love you too. Please!

10. He tells you face to face that he is not interested in settling down any time soon.

Translation: If you want get married, go find yourself someone else.

Sometimes you know deep down that the relationship is going nowhere, you want to end it and move on but because you and this guy have such a strong soul connection you feel stuck. One part of you says “go” another part says “but he is my soul mate”.

Well, he could be your soul mate but not all soul mates are there to stay for a lifetime. May be your soul has learned what it wanted to learn from that relationship and is ready to move on. Or may be each of you needs to do their soul work separately and if it’s meant to be you will later on merge again.

You will never know until you really take time to be honest with yourself and look at your relationship for what it really is. 

Readers' Questions and The Love Doctor's Answers...

4 Responses to “10 Signs He’s Not Committing To You Anytime Soon”

  1. Dan says:

    Interesting points, but I’m not sure about No. 5 though. Sure it’s one thing to use that as an excuse to avoid talking about the relationship, but don’t you think it’s possible to have a growing and loving relationship and then when circumstances are right take things to the next level. I’m talking about serious commitments like marriage or moving in together but I can’t help wonder if some people can use this as a way to kill or rush relationships that may otherwise work?

  2. May be people will and may be people will not… it all depends on how you read advice, the mindset you already have.

    To answer your question about what I think… I think it is possible to have a growing and loving relationship and be committed all at the same time. One doesn’t automatically cancel the other.

    But I hear what you are saying and where you may be coming from. In Western society, you are not “marriage worthy” if you do not have the “right” job or career. It shouldn’t be that way… in my opinion. There are some people who are wonderful, mature, secure, independent and very loving but do not have the “right” job or career, and there are people who have the “right” job or career but have no clue how to have a loving relationship.

    Point is, not having the “right” job or career is not an excuse for not committing your heart, love and life to someone you say you care about and love. Those relationships built on just love and unshakable COMMITMENT (even without the material stuff) often turn out to be the greatest love stories.

    That’s just my opinion… I am an African, born and raised…(: May be that’s why I think the material stuff is just a sideshow!

  3. Sal says:

    What if it’s her who will not commit because you do not have the “right” job?

  4. Then you are off the hook! Just kidding, well…(: Not really.

    If the reason you do not have the ‘right’ job is because you lie on the couch, drinking beer and watching TV during the day and hanging out with the boys during the night, she has the right not to commit. Who in her right mind would?

    If you are doing the very best you can and she knows that you are really trying but things just aren’t working out, and she says she’ll not commit until you have the “right job”, then she can either wait until you have the “right” job, or she go find herself the guy with the ‘right” one.

    If she leaves because she can’t wait, you are better off. The pain from ending the relationship will be nothing in comparison to her committing, then nagging your behind to rags.

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