Emotion #7 – Hope
Hope, a belief that things will get better or hope, an expectation for a certain outcome is an emotion that you must absolutely elicit or cultivate to get back your ex.
The reason hope is so important is because unlike many of the other emotions that are “present-based”, hope is about the future. In fact you need all the other 10 emotions if you’re going to get your ex to believe that a better relationship is possible
But how does one generate hope when things seem hopeless or when we ourselves are on the verge on losing all hope?
1. Start with making a conscious decision to see possibility, because if you can’t see possibility, neither can your ex. If you can’t see how things can be, you can’t convince your ex that things will get better.
2. Use daily conversations to paint the picture of what the new relationship will look like with all the changes you’ve made etc. This is part of showing your ex you’ve changed. Your ex will see hope if he/she can see things not as they are, but as they can be.
3. Point out small positive changes. Instead of focusing on what’s wrong with the way things are now (you don’t talk as much anymore, your ex is cold and distant or you miss your ex so much etc), make it a habit to point out the small positive developments since the break-up. For example: “We communicate better”, ” It’s nice to be able to talk without yelling at each other” or even “I am glad we can still be in each other’s lives”.
The more changes/improvements your ex acknowledges, the more hope he/she will have that things can actually get better.
4. Sometimes exes put up resistance because they think you want to get back together right away, and they are not ready to. Talking about what you are looking forward to gets them into a frame of mind where they start thinking that with time things can indeed change. Using words like “a month from now things could be completely different” or “I can’t wait to see what happens in two months” reassures them that you want to take things slowly, and also gets them thinking forward instead of what’s not possible now.
It’s important to keep in mind that much like any other emotion, hope is an emotion that comes and goes. Don’t be alarmed or discouraged if one day your ex seems hopeful and the next, he/she has lost all hope in things ever working out. As long as the more hopeful days outnumber the “hopeless” days, that’s normal – and expected.
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